19-month age gap?

[rouge]

Just found out I'm expecting no. 2 DD will be 19 mo on my due date. I'd be very interested to hear any stories / experience from anyone with a similar age gap between siblings. In particular, how much will she understand about what's going on? I've been reading about how to prepare the older child and how to minimise the upset of the new arrival, but it all applies to children over 2. DD is still only 11 months so I've no idea what a 19-mth-old is like and capable of!

DS1 screamed when he first saw DS2! His sleeping also went a bit haywire for a couple of weeks but it didn't last long. Within a week, he was reminding me to bring his little brother, everywhere we went.
Yes, it is hard work but I found asking for help a lot easier the second time round, so I did {smile}. TBH, I also enjoyed DS2 more as a baby than I did DS1: I worried less, I knew how the car seat worked - oh, a hundred and one silly things that all made a difference.
They're now 2 and a half and 13 months and when they laugh together, it melts my heart. So, congratulations - you have so much more fun to look forward to!

• ah, so that's how it works!

Nearly 19 months between my two and they get on really well. No real noticeable jealousy and as I had a planned c-section with DD DS knew on the day I was going to have a baby, came to see us in hospital and has acted as if his sister has always been here (didn't kiss my tummy after her birthday!). He's now nearly 2.5 and she's 10 months and they adore each other. Neither can bear it if the other one is crying and he loves to be the 'caring' older brother telling her not to eat paper, play with his tractor, etc.

The first few months were hard though and I would recommend getting help if you can. DS continued going to his childminder (I'd gone back to work - briefly!) and there were a few weeks when I upped his time there (when DH returned to work, when we both had flu, etc.).

It is difficult too in those early weeks if breastfeeding when it can take an hour to feed, wind, get the baby off to sleep and amuse a toddler. I can't remember what I did now but I know it was hard. DS wasn't interested in tv then and everyone's suggestions involved sticking on cbeebies. We did put DD in the pram in the garden to get her off to sleep and keep her out of DS's way so he could make as much noise as he wanted. I also tried to go to toddler groups, music groups, friends' houses as often as possible (no matter how worn out I felt) as it meant there were another pair of eyes/hands.

One thing I do feel a bit sad about for DD is that she doesn't have any friends of her own DS has the NCT crowd offspring but as I was the first of my friends to have a second she doesn't have anyone apart from her brother's friends to come to her birthday party. I'm going to have to network on her behalf before February .

I'm in London, lockets (N1). Yes, sahm

Gem13 - we've got that too. DS1 has loads of peers to play with because most of the people I met were through my pregnancy with him. DS2 isn't too bad as a lot of those also had their second around the same time but ds3 is totally on his own as I'm the first to have a third (in August) and the next third isn't due till March then one in May. Once the others are settled in playgroup and ds3 is a bit older, I'll have to take him to tumbletots etc so he can make his own friends! ahhh!

Gem13, thanks for sharing all that. I hadn't thought about the friends thing. Wonder if there's anything I can do about that in advance? I guess there might be some people on the Aug 05 thread who I can meet up with.

Reread my post and realised I sound less than positive!

It is lovely but hard work. A lot depends on the children. It was a bit of a shock to us as DS was a good sleeper, good at feeding and DD wasn't great at either.

My GP (who was expecting his third at the time) told me recently that he and his wife had thought having children were easy (this after their first) and so they had a small age gap and then discovered what hard work it was! They had a larger gap between 2 and 3!

My friends had better all hurry up and get pregnant then! Actually SIL has been trying for a while so I'm keeping everything crossed for her

I've just been through this with a 16 month gap! DD couldn't even walk when DS2 was born 10 weeks ago! To be honest I don't think she had a clue but seems totally unphased, it is easier now she is walking as I had an emergency section and definately couldn't carry both. I also have a 3 year old and I think it is important to keep going out as much as possible, people think i'm made taking 3 to the park on my own but it is infinately preferable to staying in! Whoever said that people always draw the small gap to your attention are definately right, what with that and the e3 i've never been spoken to by so many strangers in my life!

What's this e3 business? Keep seeing mention and no idea what it is!

We have 15mth age gap between 1-2. I have just been looking at our wedding photos (5 years ago) and we look so young. 3 kids does that to you!!!

Ditto! I've been packing to move house so looked at mine yesterday - only 5 years ago and I have to say, I look bloody amazing!! Also watched our honeymoon video a month or so ago and me in a bikini! WOw - well I wouldn't dare now!!!

In fact, it's not even the body it's the face! I look so old!! Yep, def what having 3 kids all close together does to you!

I have 13mths between children now aged 26mths and 14mths. DD wasn't quite sure what was going on and was unsettled for the first four weeks. She did settle down and started to resent the attention he got at 10 weeks when she attempted to bite his toes. First and last time. It was hard initially as I had two who couldn't walk and had to carry both up and down the stairs which after a C-Section was difficult. Didn't do that straight away though. Also the routine of feeding them both with their different demands was trial and error. I found it better to work the baby's routine around DD once DS could go every four hours between bottles.
I wanted two close together so it was planned. (I miscarried the month before). They have been close for a long time, with DD almost mothering DS, and in fact she used to insist on holding DS's bottle before he held it himself. If we went into Starbucks, I would hold my coffee, and DD sitting next to DS in the side by side buggy would hold DS's bottle up for him to feed from. That got a few looks. I am stopped by people asking if they are twins which is funny.
You ask how much your 19mth old will understand. Well when DD was 14mths, I realised then that she understood very basic things like "What's on the floor? Where is Leo (cat)? Give that to me, etc". So at 19mths, 5 months further down the line, your DD will be further down the line of understanding which is magical.
PS. I have the E3 pushchair which I bought from Practical Pushchairs.co.uk. Am very pleased with it.

My ds would have had asolutely no idea at 19 months, still wouldn't at 22 months. As long as he didn't have to give up his cot that is!

So did you have 2 cots then, kinderbob? Or a moses basket for baby?

How badly could I have done with an E3 over 5 years ago?
Poor ds had to either walk or stand on the buggy board as I hated the standard side by side double buggy so much I took it back after 1 trip.

Oh, didn't make myself clear. I only have the one child, but I don't think that he would have noticed a new baby, just that he is nowhere near ready to leave his cot at 22 months and so given that if I had had a baby when he was 19 months old, I would have had to have had 2 cots.

Oh I see Lockets - yes they are very nice, my friend has one! Would have to walk a fair bit I think to justify it and I don't really.

Hi Lockets - I am new(ish) here but just wanted to add my experiences. I have 3 children and had a 22 month gap both times. So a bit more than you but these are the things that stick in my mind. I'm not sure ds1 understood there was a baby in mummy's tummy! He had very little speech and it was hard to figure out just how much he understood - but he took really well to the arrival of ds2. He was never jealous in the "poke him in the eye" sense. He just "reverted" maybe a little bit and wanted me to sometimes feed him/do things for him that he could really do for himself. And the same when dd arrived last year. I tried to give more cuddles than usual and pay more attention to the toddler, especially if I had just done soemthing for the baby. You completely forget what it is like to have a newborn! You come home from hospital and your "baby" suddenly looks enormous because he is in fact a toddler and your new baby really is a baby! And a stranger. The first 12 weeks are a marathon, and a shock, learning to juggle everything and tiring of course. But it gets easier and your new baby will adore your toddler (and be entertained by him). Once they can make each other laugh and then play together it is lovely. I read a book called something like "Three sock, one shoe and no hairbrush" and "How not to be a perfect mother" by Libby Purves (I think) which was very helpful in places. We got two cots and a double buggy (I recommend lightweight, we had a M&P Twin Aria) and made sure there were choc buttons for the toddler, from the baby, every time he came into hospital to see us! Best of luck to you, I hope it all goes well, you will be fine!

Lockets, rouge and anyone else facing/planning a smallish (ie. less than 2 year) gap: it's great! I had 20m between my first 2, and bigger gaps 3rd and 4th times. Now, looking back, I'd say that although the first few weeks or months can be hard, this isn't always so. My no2 was way easier than no.1. Above all, I remember the joy of having two little ones growing up together, sharing toys, snacks and meals, giggling together, enjoying the same things,etc., and the loving, proud protectiveness of a small toddler for the new baby. They are still close now 10 years on!

21 months between my 9 month old and 2.6 year old.

DD loves little brother to bits.

Don't quite know how much she understood before his arrival but seemed to take it all in her stride and didn't look too shocked when baby arrived. No excessive jealousy from her - some insecurities initially though (wanted more hugs and cuddles than usual)

I found it very tough going initially - its hard learning to divide your time between two littlies, but you get accustomed to it after a few months.

Prepared dd with some books like Za za's baby brother (already mentioned)