Extremely fussy two-year-old! Help before I go insane.

[Sham95]

Hi everyone. I need some advice please and I also need to know if this is a normal thing for 2 year olds. Also if someone else is in this situation to point me in the right direction as this is driving me insane.

I have a two year old daughter who is extremely fussy when it comes to eating. When she was small, she used to eat a lot and used to eat anything which was put in front of her. However, as she’s gotten older, she refuses to eat anything. I’ll give a breakdown as to how her day goes.

8-8:30 am - 8oz milk

9-9:30 am - bowl of cereal. However, recently I have realised she doesn’t eat her cereal as much, so I have cut down on milk altogether and started to give her cereal. But as an example, today, she had a few bites of cereal and didn’t want anything else.

11-11:30 am - I ask if she wants to eat anything and cut fruit for her but she doesnt eat anything when offered.

12-12:30 pm - naps for a couple of hours.

2-2:30 pm - offer her air fryer foods such as chicken nuggets, waffles, hash browns etc etc. Again, depends on the mood whether she wants to eat or not. If she does it’s the bare minimum 2 3 bites and that’s it.

4pm - offer her whatever we have cooked for the day, chicken curry, meat curry, rice, noodles anything. But again refuses to eat.

7pm - offer food again and noting.

8:30pm - she will have milk and bed.

in between all this, if she’s offered crisps or snacks I.e. chocolates or snacks such as rainbow drops she will eat these happily and I know it’s bad parenting but I’d rather she has something rather than nothing. Also when I say crisps and snacks, it’s not a lot it’s just one packet of crisps or some snacks. And it’s not in between all them times it’s when I feel like she’s not ate anything at all.

can someone please advise me as I can sometimes cook two different meals for her and she will refuse it straight up. It’s driving me insane and I’m not too sure as to what I am doing wrong.

Personally I’d cut out the 8oz milk first thing in the morning. She’s probably full after that and that’s why she’s not interested in much else. Hopefully you’ll find she’ll be hungry for cereal etc! As long as she is getting sufficient calcium intake from cheese, yoghurts etc then you’re fine to cut out the milk. You could always do milk before bed. I’d also cut her nap down! Then she could eat lunch a bit earlier? It’s so hard with little ones - mine is such a fusspot! I was told by a GP once that it’s best to look at what they eat in a week and not a day. Not sure if that helps! Sending solidarity x

I'm going to be a little bit brutal with you but only because of the experience we have had.

We got ourselves in to a situation just like this, toddler went from eating most things, to absolutely nothing. I fell in to the trap of offering what I knew he would eat, beige foods and snacks. This worked for a little bit, but then he started to get picky with that too.

We stripped everything back because I realised that other than milk, he was getting absolutely no nutrition at all, and I wasn't prepared to accept that for him.

So since that day I have not bought a single packet of snacks.

I started off offering a single item of food at each meal time, example:

Breakfast: just cheesy scrambled egg (no toast because otherwise the egg would be ignored)

Lunch: steak strips

Dinner: steamed chicken breast

If he ate the first item offered, I would move on to a fruit or vegetable. And if he ate that then some yoghurt.

It took a few days and he started to eat again.

This removes the pressure of providing a 'meal' (or two) and focuses on making sure you are offering the most nutrient dense/ protein based food first.

But you have to go cold turkey on the snacks.

Remove the snacks, before the milk. They are just junk, whereas milk is providing nutrients.

We have eased up on this plan, now he's eating properly! He can have toast with eggs again now 😆

I’d get rid of the milk and snacks altogether. Then see if she is still fussy and if so, seek further advice and support. There is a different between being a fussy eater and not being hungry so being selective about what you have and opting for treat food.

Definitely get rid of the snacks, limit the milk to breakfast only with cereal/ porridge. Then proper food

@BB142831 so up until last week I realised once she was having her milk she wasn’t eating cereal as much. I cut it off but then as an example, today, she wanted cereal, I offered her the one she wanted and then after maybe 2-3 spoons she kept spitting it out saying she wanted Coco Pops, so I gave her some but again after 2-3 bites she just refused. I will take what you said into consideration thank you so much!

Do you ever eat vegetables?!

No choices given. "Here is lunch." A lovely tomatoey sauce with loads of veg grated into it. Over a bit of pasta. With some grated cheese.

Decide on five main meals. Five snacks. Five teas. All should include vegetables, maybe smuggled in. No choice give to your DD.

Sounds like she’s learning she can make decisions and play you!
You need to make food a non issue and non negotiable. Small steps, eat with her, don’t force her, encourage her to enjoy food with you

@fortheloveofpogs Hahah! Thanks for the brutality sometimes you need it in life to wake up! I appreciate the words! I know for sure next time we go shopping we won’t be buying any snacks then! Also can I ask, whilst your little one was going through this phase were they constipated? Mine for some reason doesn’t like to poop, I’ve tried Inulin and Lactulose however it seems as if she’s mastered the art of holding it in. Also one other thing, when you offered eggs as an example were there days where little one refused all together as he wasn’t used to it? And did it take him time to get used to eating food again? Sorry I’m a first time dad and haven’t had this experience before hence why it’s so frustrating

Also, cereal is not healthy. Maybe muesli?

She's not getting any fibre. She needs vegetables.

@BigFluffyHoodie sorry forgot to mention the vegetables lol but yeah we have loads in the fridge, when incorporated with food there’s times where we she will have tomato pasta with bits of chicken. But recently for some reason, nothing she just straight up refuses, I’ve tried different types of lentils, different fruits, different veg but unfortunately nothing. Also if I try 5 meals a day, what do I do if she refuses all 5 meals? I can’t leave her hungry that’s where I struggle the most.

Give her the same meals back, happily! Just say ‘oh u didn’t finish!’

She’ll start to realise it’s non negotiable

I have no advice as my two yr old is exactly the same !
however , I have a strapping gym toned 18 year old who was a exactly the same, 16 year old that eats plant based food and loves to cook .. was the same .. and an 11 that eats everything but was the same.
drives me nuts but I guess it’s a phase.
thank god for milk and multi grain cheerios!

We had this.

we tried to keep things casual and not to get into a battle. Hide all junk food and chocolate and just say casually that you’ve run out.

she ate pasta so we started there with a plain tomato sauce. No big fuss if she didn’t eat it. Later I would put some diced apple on the coffee table and say ‘oh there is some apple here if you want it’

we then slowly built up what was in the pasta sauce by grating in veg.

every meal time we would put a variety of things out - always at least two things she would eat - slices of bread, baby bel apple and unfamiliar things and worked slowly on increasing the range of what she would eat . She would have to sit at the table until everyone had finished but I didn’t make a fuss about what she ate.

if she really didn’t eat before bed I would give her plain toast and butter, I didn’t ever let her go to bed hungry.

Have you tried putting little bowls with carrot sticks, cucumber sticks, ham, cheese cubes, bread and butter etc and just leaving them on a table in the room you're in, occasionally having some yourself and making a big deal out of how much you're enjoying it? Probably a terrible suggestion but I know how hard it is and sometimes a bit of taking the pressure off but inadvertently encouraging it does the job

Don't try five meals! Give her one meal!

You are putting too much choice on her. She is two. You are the grownup.

In the kindest possible way, this is ridiculous for a 2 year old.

You don’t need to buy chocolate cereal. It’s unhealthy and of course your little one is going to ask for it. It’s chocolate! If you want to offer cereal try for something like weetabix, porridge, possibly shreddies. There’s also brown bread toast, full fat unflavoured yoghurt with some honey, fruit, eggs.

I suspect she’s constipated as she’s not having enough veg. Constipation can also make them feel full so they don’t want to eat as much. I’d completely cut the milk in the morning, offer a healthy breakfast around 7-7.30am and then a drink of water around 10am. Lunch at 11.30, again focusing on healthy options with some veg and protein included. No pudding or snacks. Nap after lunch, then an early tea around 4.30 which is healthy with protein and veg, plus carbs like pasta, rice, potatoes. Supper half an hour before bed can be milk if she wants it, banana, bit of toast or cereal.

I think you’ve got into a funny routine and you just need to break out of it. There’s loads of ideas for healthy toddler meals online, have a look and get creative! Get her to help you cook as well they love that at this age

I know it’s bad parenting but I’d rather she has something rather than nothing.

I did the opposite when mine did this. I thought 'I'd rather she had nothing than something'.

With my dd she was trying to get to the petit filou or whatever it's called. So I cut them out and she didn't see another yoghurt for months.

She isn't going to be hungry if you are offering her meals so try not to worry about her being hungry.

@Shiningout yes I’ve tried, I’ve got a plate with like partitions for foods, I’ve tried snack plates with cucumbers, carrots, blueberries, bananas etc etc but it depends on whether she wants it, sometimes she’ll have a slice of cucumber and that’s it. I’ve tried many a times eating with her, she’s got her own high chair but most times it’s left out or ends up on the floor! Honestly it’s sooo frustrating but I think I do need to go back to step 1 and start from the beginning and see if that helps.

She’s sensing your stress
Go out keep, really busy, too busy for food, she’ll get hungry, then she’ll forget to play you

She's not going to eat fruit if she knows she can have crisps or rainbow drops as an alternative. Some kids just don't eat as much. I wouldn't offer any snacks and just do 3 meals a day and see how she's goes with that then introduce healthy snacks if she wants them once the meals are established

No he didn't have constipation, he had the opposite actually and it cleared up when we got control of his nutrition.

The cereal has to stop as well. She will always pick the sweet and moreish snacks. They are designed to be addictive.

As soon as you get in control and offer only real foods, she will get the picture and the constipation will likely stop.

Try stewed apples, sometimes goes down better than prunes and has Pectin in which is good for the gut.

You need to be the leader on this.

If he didn't eat his scrambled egg, he didn't eat until a snack of fruit at 10:30am. It did not take long for him to get the picture.

You could try keeping a food diary on what she eats and doesn’t eat? For things she spits out or refuses after 2-3 bites, ask her why she doesn’t like it. For things she likes, ask her why she likes it.

Age 2 is when any sensory issues with food start to emerge. You may find she doesn’t like cereal because it’s wet with lumps. That would mean she won’t like stews or her pasta needs to be separated from any sauces.

Keep trying new foods and log what she likes or dislikes.

Just to reassure you that becoming fussy around this age having previously been a good eater is not uncommon - has happened to me, and many other parents I know. Apparently it's often an asserting independence thing around this age.

My attitude is that as the grown up I have total choice over what I offer, and then my toddler has total choice over what he eats of it (admittedly easier for me to handle because he's at nursery two days a week - shortly full time again - and eats well there).

I use snacks a lot because I'm often parenting him and his baby sibling at the same time and need to be able to get him to sit still, ha - but snacks are only ever fruit, vegetables (defrosted frozen peas and sweetcorn, carrot sticks, cucumber, sometimes pureed veg sachets aimed at babies, weirdly), plain rice cakes or oatcakes. He actually eats more vegetables for me in snack form than in meals.

Then, as above - each meal is offered as it is. He doesn't need to eat it - or he can come back to it later - but I'm not going to offer something different, or substitute snacks for it.

I try to avoid serving rice or pasta plain, but always coated with a sauce (which can essentially be pureed vegetables). I alternate between 'one pot' type dishes where the vegetables are mixed in (bolognese etc) and meals with separate protein, veg and carbs, as he's liable in those instances to focus purely on the carbs.

Don't get emotional about it. Trust that your child will not starve themselves. Set a clear framework - these are the choices on offer, you can take them or leave them, but that's it.

And if you just don't buy coco pops, chocolate, crisps etc then you can say absolutely honestly that you don't have any!