Parents of girls diagnosed late/r with ASD, what were they like at 7/8/9?

[RubaiyatOfAnyone]

I read a lot here that girls present differently to boys, and of course i’ve googled and seen a lot of quite extreme examples, but i wondered if anyone could give any examples of things that (at the time or later in retrospect) were earlier signifiers?

DD was diagnosed at 9.5 so not really late, but i only spotted it because although very different on the surface I could see the underlying similarities between her and her Autistic brothers. Seeing lots of similarities to other girls that mask a lot.
Has severe anxiety about dress up days.
Didn’t like loud noises.
Very sensitive to everything
Doesn't understand social nuances
Perfectionism
Messy room but would spend hours setting up specific things
Strong preference for things to be done the same way all the time.
Appeared to give eye contact, but if examined closely this was mainly looking to one side/ nose and/ or was v brief.
Difficulty sleeping from birth, she always rocked herself when distressed
friends, but struggled to understand complexities of friendships and interests are younger than friends, found others moving on difficult.
Socially she misinterprets so much information and situations. Debates are perceived as arguments, jokes as insults etc.
Situational mutism
Obsessed with eating sweet food, went through a period of sneaking a lot of it to.
Can't stand people with loud voices
Unable to do homework. Meltdowns that would have her retching and crying.
DD barley slept as a baby and toddler. Im talking 9 hours total sleep in 24 including all naps. Later on she had night terrors, then a long period where she was awake regularly for 4+ hours in middle of the night.
Struggles with transitions
Is terrified of doing the wrong thing, going to the wrong room at school, being late, making mistakes and getting in trouble.
Always thinks people are watching her and noticing if she gets anything wrong. Wont go into school late because thinks everyone will be watching and wondering about why she was late.

ETA: The biggest thing was actually that DD felt like she was different from everyone else. She was very relieved to find out there was a reason she felt that way. She was really worried until we got her diagnosis that she might not be Autistic, she wanted to know so badly why she felt different, was worried their was something wrong with her making her feel that way.

Im actually noticing a fair few similarities between some of these girls and me as a kid. I've wondered about it since all my DC are Autistic and I do have sensory issues and thing's that could probably counts a stims, plus anxiety but I've always felt ADD fit better. Sometimes the way my kids see things seems completely inexplicable to me. I dont have the odd 2K an assessment would cost to confirm anything either way.

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness i feel the same. I recognise the shy, sensitive bookworm I was at 7/8, but I don’t have all the traits - about half mentioned here jump out at me, about half not. I can see some of them in my son (no diagnosis, coping very well, I’m not sure at all if some things are meaningful or whether he’s a highly sensitive introvert like his father - there is so much overlap). Fairly convinced I have ADHD, I wonder about ASD as have always felt different, a bit out on the edge, but at over 50 not sure what difference a diagnosis would make. It’s also very mixed up with effects of having had a narcissistic mother, although I’m fairly sure she has similar traits 🤔

My DD has always been quiet and clingy and worries a lot. I thought it was just anxiety, I did wonder about autism but she didn’t really have the traits but after reading this I’m not so sure. I also have an older DS that I thought might have ADHD but the school wasn’t interested in investigating this.
My DD

Has always disliked pre-school/school, had a lot of tummy aches in year 4 that we got checked out for anything physically wrong
Won’t speak to teachers, children outside her friend group or strangers (like ordering in a restaurant) unless she really has to. So won’t ask for help if needed.
Doesn’t like certain noisy situations, has always complained about school being too loud
Says the sight of labels makes her feel sick but is ok if she can’t see them. Doesn’t like fuzzy clothes
Only had one friend when younger and was happy to play on her own but does now have more friends and seems happier now (although most of them are a little “quirky” if that’s ok to say)
Has a strong sense of injustice, can’t understand why people can’t behave and be nice
Is very stubborn and it’s hard to get her to follow advice
Very academically capable but won’t speak in class, has meltdowns about homework but usually won’t listen to advice
High reading age but still likes books for young kids
Young for her age, is 11, still likes toys aimed at young children. Is obsessed with cuddly toys, they cover her bed and she talks and treats them like they are alive.
Still likes to carry one soft toy she’s had from baby with her when she can.
Scared of lots, heights, escalators, roller coasters, trying new things.
Doesn’t like change of routine at school
Doesn’t like getting changed for PE

Do these things sound like it could be autism?

My dd is very similar to yours. Especially with the soft toys! She is obsessed and it's like they are living things to her. She rotates which one (out of the 100+ that she owns) comes out of the house with her otherwise she feels genuinely guilty. If she buys a new one she gets a 'feeling' from them that she knows they are meant to be hers...

She's also terrified of escalators, lifts, stairs, heights, rollercoasters, climbing things etc.

Mine did this with Jellycats. Rotated them so one didn’t feel left out!

My DD’s are now adult/teens and we’re lucky to be diagnosed early, both are very different.

DD1 is 20 and still loves her cuddly toys 🤣
DD2 is severely autistic which is why she was diagnosed at the age of 3, she will never be independent but her sister is at uni and doing well

Some things have changed as they have got older and others have stayed the same, especially the cuddly toy ting, collecting things and being easily led/influenced.

My Dd is hoarding Jellycats now. Shes 17

I don’t think my dd will ever stop buying them. It was her birthday this week and I had to buy her 2 cuddly toys and deliver them to her at uni 🤣

I found it difficult to make friends at primary school and I never understood what the teachers were saying to the whole class until they came round and saw me looking lost and explained the work to me.
I played alone a lot by choice and was very much in my own little world and had a very vivid imagination. I was also very clingy with my parents.
I was very easily pleased and I found everything so exiting and had no fear or awareness of danger.
I was very gullible and an easy target for bullies already and was quickly learning to mask my difficulties.
I wasn't naughty and had no behaviour problems in primary school.
I had no natural social skills but I learned them by copying others and reacting accordingly.
That's just my experience of my childhood but my parents would tell you I was just a normal child because I hid it very well.

Much smaller secondary schools that cater specifically for academically bright autistic children. Smaller schools and much smaller class sizes and more flexibility to allow them to pursue their particular interests and talents. Staff who understand sensory overload and appropriate breaks during the day. Quiet spaces. Proper enforcement of rules so they feel safe and behaviour from other students isn't out of control. And decent pastoral care. And no tolerance whatsoever for bullying. Option to do learning online when they are in burnout and need to stay at home.

OHs daughter was diagnosed at 11.5 years. There was NOTHING to suspect anything...but thinking about it her diet is very limited and she likes to be at home with her mum. (In all honest I see the second point as more of an only child of a single parent - I (only child) understand this OHs family do not).

@Dipsydoodlenoodle the criteria to receive an autism diagnosis includes traits being observable from a young age (early years) whether or not they cause a significant impact on the child's life so there must have been some traits otherwise she would not have received a diagnosis.

I know. But I was answering OP, in the fact that she had no signs at all (other than the food).