SAHM benefits?

[thelma57]

Hi all, I’m looking for some feedback from anyone who has chosen not to go back to work after maternity leave and what that looked like for you?

Also, what benefits financially would I be entitled to with a husband who works full time but earns under 50k? Is there a form or something I can fill out to check?

I’ve previously been looking at going back part time but I think I might be better off not going back and not having to pay for childcare!

I would then be looking to go back to work once DD was in education but I’m undecided atm!

Thanks!

You are not working for nothing. You are working for your pension - both your employer's contribution and your own.

I have never been a SAHM but I have worked part time and the thing I would say is don't underestimate the costs of being at home with kids too.

Nursery in our case covered food and nappies and obviously entertainment for the day.

If you're at home with your child, you are likely to want to do groups, classes, and will obviously need to feed your child too. Do take it into account when budgeting.

Working is A LOT easier while kids are at nursery. Reception is a nightmare to work, especially if school does a staggered start. The rest of primary school is better, but still much harder than at nursery age. So take into account that you are looking are more than 3 years of not working!

Childcare costs are scary but it's important not to panic and make a rash decision that will affect your career, financial independence, pension etc. without explore all the angles. If you want to be a SAHM and your DH is supportive and it's all worked out fairly, fair enough. But that's a different thing to suddenly deciding to do it because of childcare costs. They have to be factored in to the decision to raise kids and unless people are very well-off, most have to take the hit and accept that someone may be working 'at a loss' i.e. what they bring home will be eaten up by the childcare fees. But all too often this rapidly translates into the woman having to give up her job because 'it's not worth it' and so begins the slide into all the shitty situations on here where women get trapped, relying on husbands who aren't always equality-minded, and losing their confidence to go back to work and so on.

So do some sums and figure out if you really can't afford it or if you just have to reframe how you see it and that it might be worth staying in work of some kind or coming to some other arrangement that is less or all nothing. It's not long before you get the free hours, so you only have to cover the loss at the beginning and it might work out better than giving up work completely.

Only to make the maths easier for my sleep deprived brain!
In my post about my own life I describe how we split based on different earnings.

My sister's husband became very abusive following the birth of their child and only what she earned was used on the daughter and he left her with insufficient money at the end of the month to get enough to leave. Also why on of my previous posts I told the OP to ensure she had enough money as an escape funds as needed. It is such a vulnerable time for women and in so many of the posts of here about people trying to leave their partner they bring up that they can't as their wage all goes on the child care. It's not perfect but the family pot is a start towards getting something fair for everyone.

Safeguards are always necessary unfortunately, your sisters situation highlights that- but I was replying to the ‘childcare is a shared expense!!!’ that is rolled out on every thread related to the cost of childcare.

It is a shared expense, of course- but if you are in a situation where everyone has equal access to money- then if there is 80,000 in the family pot and 30,000 goes on child care- there is still 50,000 left in the pot, it doesn’t matter who earned it, that’s what’s left and that’s what you base your financial decisions on.

If you are genuinely in a situation where your ‘DP’ squirrels away his earnings, paying ‘his half’ of rent and bills but only you are stumping up on the cost of childcare and child related expenses- you have much bigger problems.

But on the subject of safeguards and what-could-go-wrong, having a child with a man is a risk full stop.

If I had to sacrifice my much yearned for SAHM-hood for the early years and constantly been in the mindset of ‘he will leave me! I need to work full time just in case’ I probably wouldn’t have bothered with making myself vulnerable and pregnant. But my choices are very much informed by being middle class woman, with a desired skill set who can always show up on mummy and daddy’s doorstep at 2 in the morning.

We can only make the best choices with the information available - but once that baby is born we have taken the biggest risk of all.