Highly sensitive child?

[Hey12345]

Hi, does anyone have any experience of a highly sensitive child? And if so, tips please on what to do.

My 5yo DD clearly seems to “fit the bill” for highly sensitive child. Examples:

1. gets so upset if something of hers breaks. Another girl at school once broke the keyring on her bag and she was SO upset.
2. completely panics if she can’t find something, usually something she was only seconds ago so I try and reassure that it’s not too far.
3. is really affected if she does something wrong with her school work (such as writing a letter wrong), even if we calmly say it’s wrong and to just practice again she still gets very upset.
4. She’s very shy if there is a crowd, like there was a book fair at school once and she wouldn’t pass other children to get a book she wanted because she doesn’t like to squeeze in between people. Tends to fall back and go last if queuing for something and other kids are pushing in.

this morning she had a meltdown because we were running late for ballet (I warned her several times we would be late when she was taking her time with breakfast), so when it got to 15mins before class, and we still needed to brush her teeth and do her hair and drive to ballet I said there was no point going because we’ll be late, so she had the biggest meltdown (which obviously made us even more late).

If she does lose something I’m so calm and it say “think where you had it last”, or others words of encouragement but she’ll just panic and cry.

I gentle parent as much as possible. I know how damaging words can be, for example telling them to stop crying, not to be so dramatic etc. because I experienced all that myself at a young age, so I don’t use tactics like that, neither does DH, and anyway, if we did it wouldn’t help anything because it would just make things x10 worse.

So what do I do? I really struggle at times because it upsets me too. I feel like I’m trying to do everything right, but it seems like I’m doing wrong. There’s not much point contacting the school because unfortunately they have a bad rep these days and don’t seem to help out as much. I am hoping my DD will agree to change school in the next few months since we are moving to a different area soon. I know of someone who has a DD the same age as mine that goes to school where are new house is so I got in touch and have arranged s play date when we move so I’m hoping that will help DD in changing school and by what I hear of the other school they are very supportive, and have smaller classes.

Otherwise what else can I do? Shall I wait until she’s older to arrange counselling? What can I do at home in the mean time to make things easier for us all?

Sorry for the long post!!!

I was like this (still am tbh...) and was diagnosed with ASD at uni. My 5yo is also like this. Not diagnosed with anything as no concerns from nursery, or school (yet) but I do wonder.

I have a very similar sounding child and have started following dr Becky in IG which I have found interesting especially her stuff around ‘deeply feeling kids’. I constantly find my self questioning my approach, it is so hard to find the balance between not being dismissive and emotionally tough but also teaching them how to cope with their emotions and get on with things.

@Growingouttogether

thanks for the recommendation, I’ll look into it.

It is so hard, you don’t want to sugar coat things too much, but then you don’t want to come across as uncaring either. I gentle parent as much as possible, but I’m also firm. And sometimes I do have to be a bit mean if she’s crossed the line! But when it comes to her emotions I do want to be as careful as possible.

They’re a parenting challenge for sure but also so bright and inquisitive and quirky! For me the hardest thing is trying to understand where she is coming from as it is just not my personality. I wish I could say I was a natural gentle parent but I’m not! I’m a much more reserved and easy going so I genuinely struggle to understand the level of emotion behind seemingly innocuous events. But I’m learning that it means something to her (even if I can’t quite understand why!) and it’s my job to support her through it.

I just came across this thread as I also have a highly sensitive 5yo DD. We went to an inflatable party today and she cried several times about minor things. This thread has been really interesting and so relatable so going to check out the resources and grounding techniques.

She is very bright and energetic and loves playing with other kids but parties, big gatherings and getting things wrong really stress her out.