Can’t cope - toddler refusing all meals

[Snickers94]

My 2yo daughter for months now refuses to eat anything, unless it’s a biscuit or a bag of crisps. Sometimes a brioche. At every meal she will cry and cry and act like we are torturing her by asking her to eat. I’ve spoken to health visitor, tried her techniques (cutting portions, eating together etc, not forcing the food in her mouth) but she still won’t eat. There was a time when my husband started to shovel the first spoon in her mouth which was just traumatising but after that first spoon she would eat fine watching TV. But because we felt like it was a horrible method we stopped doing that and now she doesn’t eat at all.

its not a case of we feed her while she watches TV - she refuses to eat even if it’s on.

She seems to eat at her childminders. I tried making similar food, she still doesn’t eat. It’s the environment. She also doesn’t eat at her grandparents house, or with any relatives really. I’m getting so many horrible comments from relatives about it, my mum is actually worried about her as if I’m a bad mum, and today I just broke down crying during DD’s tantrum at dinner because it’s too much. She ate breakfast (two yoghurts) and has not eaten since.

As a baby she peaked at 50th centile and now she is 25th, we can see her ribs and I just don’t know what I am doing wrong. Please help.

It sounds like food has become such a battle ground that eating has become a source of stress and fear for her. I know you did it from a place of caring, but having food shoved in her mouth against her will may have been quite traumatising. Imagine someone far bigger and stronger than you forcing food you don't want into your mouth. Would you begin to fear eating around them?I bet her childminder has never tried to make her eat against her will, rather she has seen other children enjoy eating as a positive experience so has joined in.

I think you need a total reset. I'd really recommend looking into Ellyn Satter's Divison of Reaponsibiltu approach to food. I think it would take a lot of pressure off you all and will bring back some joy in food.

Check out kids eat in colour on instagram.

@Snickers94 - hi OP, hoping you’re still on here to give an update on how your DD is now?

my DS is 26 months and exactly the same as your DD with food. He was actually coming on really well until about 3 weeks ago when he suddenly went from eating a decent variety, to absolutely nothing except fruit, brioche, snacks and toast…

The only difference with my boy is he also has a speech delay; he’s behind on his social and communication development… so possible he has ASD (although his signs of ASD do seem to be reducing - he’s suddenly started trying lots of words this last week, like a switch has been flicked on in his head… so it’s possible he is just being a stubborn little boy and making me worry 😂)

anyway, just wondering how you got on? Hoping you have some tips to share! Xx

Hi
how’s your son now ? Xx

Hi have you seen any improvements? Xx

I'd do her baby tapas. A few different things on a plate but not a meal. A few cut up grapes, a few bits of cucumber, a few pieces of cheese, a few of crackers. No pressure let her eat what she wants and leave the rest. I.wouldnt buy biscuits, crisps or brioche they aren't doing anything for her. Just let her graze as she wants Do you give her vitamins? It's worth getting a good supplement if she isn't eating. Are you sure she's actually eating at the childminders?

Hi I posted this around a year ago. She eats more now but is still not a big eater. Think that's just how she is

Hi! So I went back to some of his old favourite Ella’s kitchen ready meals that are for 12months+… and he started to eat them! So - I broke every healthy eating rule set myself when having kids - and have been buying these ready meals so that at least he eats something. Then he stunned me yesterday by actually eating a Babybel! (He used to eat Babybels but, like I said above, he stopped eating pretty much everything this last month).

I think he is just going through an awkward phase to be honest. He’s teething and starting to talk… so I think he is just regressing in this area a bit. I do remember my DD doing something similar really just nowhere near as extreme. Hope you are getting on ok? Assume you’re having some problems too? Xxx

DS2 was underweight for his height and had restrictive eating at this age and long after (ASD) but professionals that had seen him were not worried because he had food from all groups and vitamin supplements just to be sure.

Not worrying and not forcing food was the key. Don't make it a control thing.

He's now 18 and 6 foot 3. Still hates vegetables but will eat broccoli. And strawberries.

Sometimes you have a fussy eater for no reason but mostly there is a reason and it not psycho-social. But you can make it so if you force feed.

Leave finger food out on the coffee table to graze on without comment. Finger food can be fruit and vegetables, cheese, bread (plain or buttered) little finger sized pieces of cold chicken (obviously don't leave that put more than an hour or so for hygiene reasons), cold potato wedges (it's surprising what some children like) it doesn't have to be crisps.

As she's dropped weight centiles it's not appropriate to give meals only and nothing in between in the hope hunger will force her to eat meals. Toddlers don't work that way and if they have already fallen into disordered eating may not even understand that they are hungry when they feel the related discomfort.

It is more important she gets back into the habit of eating at home at this point. It's very important to get away from food being a battle for control as this sets up eating disorders in future.

This isn't uncommon and isn't your fault but it's really important to let her control what she puts into her mouth (whilst you control what is on offer by choosing what to put out for her to select from). Don't buy the crisps etc. for a few months so that you don't have to lie to her.

oops sorry! zombie thread!

Hi how’s your DD now ?