How to handle the sadness of children growing up??

[giraffes2021]

Lately I constantly feel sad at the thought of our little ones growing up I've a 5 year old about to finish reception and a 3 year old due to start pre school.
It's making me want a 3rd child which I know probably won't help but it's making me sad. I feel like have I soaked up all the moments enough if I had said it was my 2nd was our last baby would it have been different?
I can't handle it its constant feeling of overwhelming that time is going too fast! Is this normal??

I 100% agree with taking loads of photos and videos. Ours are 18 and 10 now, it’s adorable looking back on the squishy toddler days.
It’s as wonderful now watching them grow into the adults they’ll become as it is being wistful about their younger childhoods.
We thankfully have a squishy toddler nephew to fill our desire to be around little ones.

I had a little while of feeling sad about this when my daughter was about 5.
We had been in a very difficult situation at the start of her life, and I remember feeling like I had lost the first few years of her because of it.
She is almost an adult now and I don't feel like those little versions of her are gone because even though she has grown and changed, little bits poke through- like she is a russian nesting doll with all her younger selves kept safe inside.

Like she obviously doesn't get excited to play barbies in the bath anymore or want to wear a bubble hat, or like when she was seven- get so excited by gelli baff, but she still loves a bath and will be very happy with a bath bomb for christmas.
She doesn't ask to bake rock cakes beacause she likes mixing with her hands anymore, and she doesnt wear her tweenies apron. But she was excited to show me the food she made in secondary school food tech and she makes a really good roast dinner now.
She is still all her little selves and she gets to have so many new parts to her, so even though waking her up in time for Year 9 was like raising the dead- that year she was still up at 6am for christmas like she would have been at 5. The first time we practiced driving, she shut her eyes and took a big breath before turning the key- she used to do that before going down waterslides.

I love getting to know her as an almost adult, she is brilliant and has so many more interesting things to say now. And I also love sometimes giving her a packet of quavers or something knowing the three year old in her would be so excited.

I generally don't feel sad about it but this time of year has that Sunday night/New Year's Eve feeling to it once they're at school. It makes clear that you are coming to an end of something and time is passing and this is outside your control.

Once the summer holidays start, the feeling disappears for another year.

You have to live for now, enjoy the stage they are at, of course you'll be able to look back fondly at the little times, but honestly you can make those connections with them as they go through all their life stages... I speak as a mum of 4 whose eldest is 20. They will still need you as much, just differently.

2 of my fave poems are about this 💔

Evangeline Paterson:

On this doorstep I stand,
year after year
and watch you going
and think: May you not
skin your knees; May you
not catch your fingers
in car doors. May
your hearts not break.
May tide and weather
wait for your coming.
and may you grow strong
to break
all webs of my weaving.

Ruth Hulbert Hamilton:

Mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth!
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking!

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby, loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.)

Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby. Babies don't keep.

I love watching dc11 growing up. I've loved every stage of her child hood. One of our good friends child died of cancer at age 2 (was same age as dc) and when they post pictures of their birthday and anniversary it reminds me of what I have and what they've lost. I'm very grateful.

My kids are in their late 20s and 30s now. I felt the same when they were little but, honestly, it's amazing watching them grow into adults. It's brilliant.

I still see a lot of mine but the relationship is so much more than just being a Mum. I have fun with them and they support me now as well as me supporting them.

By the time they are Uni age it feels right that they should be leaving home. As long as they are happy and healthy then growing up is a good thing

As my 20yo (who drives) just offered to pick up her 25yo brother (who doesn’t) from a late shift so I can have a glass of wine with my dinner - I promised DS a lift - I said to DH how much I love having adult kids! The childhood years were lovely and quite special, I am probably unusual in loving the teenage years too where they were so much fun and the house was full of their friends, but watching them become adults is amazing too. Cherish the moment but there is lots of good times ahead too.

My LO’s are two and six months. I spend my time flipping between excitement for what’s to come and missing the stages that have already passed.

I think it’s a good thing though, it reminds us to stop and take in the little things (and I needed reminding of this today after both kept me up all night 😂).

Take millions of photos and remember that they will always be the same person… just a more grown up version!

My two are 19 and 17. The 19 year old has been having a year off before starting university and has been at home doing various things. We don’t necessarily see him that much but is nice when we do and I’ve been able to see him playing with his band quite a bit. Think I will miss him when he goes in September.

And then won’t be long until DD goes as she isn’t having a gap year and will go that year after.

I agree with PP - it's ongoing! I'm feeling it keenly at the moment - my 16 yo has her fist proper summer job & feels like a cohabitating adult, not a dependent!

My 14 yo DS has suddenly become a teen (having been very 'small boy' till now) & my youngest at nearly 12 is almost as tall as me & none are as easy to cuddle any more!

On days where I'm feeling a bit low, I tend to get maudlin about all this. (I'm dealing with a lot of financial & legal heartache thanks to a divorce & so often can't do what I'd ideally wish for / with them).

On more positive days, I celebrate the people they are becoming - mostly funny, bright, compassionate individuals that I have a lovely time with.

Each stage brings loss & joy in each measure.

I'm acutely conscious of friends who lost DC, who won't experience this passing of time & try to remember how fortunate I am.

However, I do wish I could be more joyful daily instead of nagging / stressed / worried which is more my default 😟

I feel a bit like this too at times but then I’m enjoying seeing them grow up and their personalities and quirks. Looking forward to the future and seeing them finish school, go to college, getting their first bf/gf etc, getting their first home. I feel lucky and blessed to have had three beautiful children ❤️

I found them leaving primary school the biggest emotional kicker. Other than that i've tried to look forward not back.

Now they're adult and in their twenties it's delightful to have their grown up company and to simply marvel that they're out there in the world. Something to celebrate not mourn.

Also getting a dog helped - great baby replacement

OP I can clearly remember taking my DD to uni, shopping for groceries with her, helping her unpack and put duvet and sheets on then having to leave her with new housemates. They were all going out together later in the evening. I didn't want her to see me cry so I left, waved and drove off but I was crying so much I couldn't see out my eyes. I drove around the corner and into a car park and cried for 10 minutes before I could drive home. I knew she would come home to stay but probably wouldn't actually live at home again. My intuition was correct she met her now DH and after degree and Masters got a job and bought a house where she went to uni. Now they have given me 2 adorable little DGS's. Two weeks ago my youngest adult son finally bought his house. He'll be moving in once the carpets are laid. DH has been helping him fit a new kitchen for the last 2 weekends and several evenings last week. He's bought near us though so I will still see him each week. He's coming home for a home cooked lasagne meal every Wednesday. When they grow up it doesn't mean you lose them completely it's just the relationship adjusts to take account they are adults. My eldest son moved out and bought his own house 18 months ago and he invited us all to Xmas lunch he cooked for us. I loved it. It was my first Xmas lunch I didn't have to cook since I was married. All you can do is enjoy your children whilst they are living at home, take lots of photos and try to give them lots of happy memories and they will want to come back to see you and keep in touch once they are adults. My adult DC often WhatsApp me photos of places they are at or of my DGC.

This is lovely

So beautiful that tears filled my eyes. Thank you for that post. Little baby parts are still there if you look carefully I agree. Holding your child in your arms is always so powerful and takes me right back there.

Mine, oldest now 52, very quickly revert to being helpless children when they come round. Go sit in the sun, expect tea,meal cooked! Then you get the grandkids. Second marriage, youngest daughter, this oldest daughter had my grandson the following year,so I had....young child, grandkids I looked after,(more followed) a terminally ill Father,and I worked full time nights.so, no,looked forward to some "me" time.

Thank you for all these replies so lovely and all so true ❤️

I am trying to saviour every moment instead of being sad about them growing up think I just miss them being babies haha

This was so nice to read today. My third and last child has just finished pre school and will start school in September. So after 10.5 years of having a little one with me on my days off, or full time for the last 4 years, that stage is done and I am grieving a bit. But I know from my 10 and 8 year olds that them growing up is so wonderful and there’s so much to look forward to. Thank you for the reminders. But why does it go so, so fast?? Ironically I cried to my mum about it and she said how do you think I feel, you’re still my little girl 🙂

@Himawarigirl awww that's so cute! My mum says that all the time to me! I guess it's true isn't it. Did you know you wanted 3 little ones ??

This is so lovely 🥹

You win the internet with this post x