So how have your parents f*cked you up? (Because I know they have one way or another)

[AriesCantYouTell]

Before I continue, my mum now in adulthood is like my best friend. I couldn't raise DS without her she is brilliant.

HOWEVER, because of my mum's issues during my upbringing I now have a terrible relationship with food, I have low self esteem, I have had a crap string of relationships because of this. (Am now a single parent).

Sorry to sound negative, but we all know children absorb their parents traits like a sponge.

How have your parents affected you? And what will you do (or have done) differently raising your own children?

I'm the youngest child with a large age gap between my siblings. As a result I was obviously babied and taught to never do anything for myself, because I was too little and therefore incapable of the task. My mother is also a control freak and everything has to be done her way.

I encourage my son to do things for himself. I'll let him struggle with things and/or do them "wrong" so that he figures out how to do it correctly (if he really does need help I will step in).

It is tough at times. I was only 4 when it all happened and was sheltered from it until my teens however my brother went into self destruct mode and barely survives day to day even now over 40years later.

just thankful that my mum was and is still the most amazing parent or I’m sure my anxiety about it all would be 100% worse!

This

I also am not a confident driver; my mum is but my dad is not! I also don't use public toilets unless desperate and have deemed them to be "clean"-I worry I have passed this on to my DC.

Well my parents were so busy fighting they actively ignored my obvious mental health issues as a child/teenager so things got pretty bad in my 20s before I got any help. Also my mum’s hoarding has given me some hang ups. I get on really well with them now though but they’re very different.

God, how often I have recited that to myself!!!

I shut down in the face of shouting (luckily rarely happens), I can't cry at real life events but love a solo cathartic cry to my own playlist. I have violent thoughts occasionally and always restrain them, somehow thinking it in my mind and not doing it has the effect.

Maybe I should have some therapy.

They didn’t intend to, but they did. Products of their own parents, and being frontline in Ww2.

Taught me marriage is intrinsically unhappy, men are flawed but central to everything, don’t make a fuss, you are loved but no individual is really important.

But also taught me that the world is my oyster, everyone and everything can be interesting, how to think and judge, how to Rise Above and how to eat and drink well.

As the parent of adult children I am all too aware I have passed on a balance of good and bad to them. But have come to terms with the inevitability of that.

Oh yes, there are many good things, as a woman, you can be whatever you want to be, there are never enough things for you to learn, there's a sport out there for you, being clever is a good thing whatever the bullies say, you are an interesting person.

I guess, as with most parents, it's aimed bag.

A.mixed bag.

Have very low esteem and other mental health problems after years of growing up with a narcissist mother. I was the scapegoat brother was the golden child. She made my life a living hell. We also grew up in poverty which affects me to this day.

My father lived with us but was never there physically or emotionally.

I have body dysmorphia, disordered eating which pops up more often than I’d like, I have issues with authority, I lack a sense of belonging, I struggle in relationships and at work, I feel fundamentally lonely despite having loads of beautiful, kind people in my life. I worry about money and am an anxious person.
perhsps I’m on the spectrum but who knows!
I also love my parents dearly, and understand that they did their very best with the situation they were dealt.

I find it almost impossible to trust other humans. It's taken me almost 20 years of marriage to feel that I really, fully 100% trust my husband. He's the only person I do trust.

I'm amazed that I'm not more fucked up tbh

I divorced age 25 with a 1 year old as I refused to continue in a marriage that mirrored my own parents

Now happily remarried and all is well

I do not raise my voice or my hand to my children. My father still does both to me - even though I'm 33. Thankfully he hasn't tried to physically harm me in a while

My mother is a size 22, I'm a size 8

I basically look at them, and do the opposite. I'm happy, they aren't

My children? They're unbelievable little humans who trust us so much, are free to make their own choices and know that they are loved

I will always do better

I may add - both my parents are professionals, we had yearly trips to Florida and always had a BMW/Lexus/Jag etc.

Abominable parents

we are all randomly thrown into the world and where we land is just where we land

I grew up in an abusive household.
I'm overly sensitive and get angry easily (working on it but it's tough!)
I have low self esteem and abandonment issues.
All fun and games over here!

Mmm not really.

Apart from no she’s in the house 🫣🤣EVER. If you refuse to remove, either don’t come in or blue booties. The choice is yours.

A serious eating disorder and low self esteem from my mum and abandonment issues, short temper and the inability to trust men from my dad!

Like winning the lottery innit.

My parents are fab, we're all really close and they always did the best they could.

However, I believe my OCD was caused by the house always being very untidy and my parents being very disorganised/late to everything... I suppose as a kid I subconsciously yearned for order, structure and routine and as a result I ended up obsessing over it, taking it a step further and developing/worsening a fully fledged mental disorder 🙃

I'm also stubborn as fuck, like petty stubborn, thanks mam.

We didn't have much money growing up (my dad abandoned my mum with 3 children) and she worked insanely hard to care for us, and keep our family home. I have so much respect and love for her, especially now being a parent myself, and understanding how stressful and difficult it must have been for her. She did absolutely everything she could to provide for us, but one wage supporting 3 children, means we were never well off. It's made me really really financially anxious as an adult. We aren't rich by any means, but we are comfortable enough to not have to worry about what we spend on groceries, days out, treats for the kids etc, but I still find myself worrying about money constantly. We never had bare cupboards growing up, but certainly didn't have many luxuries, and I think I compensate for this with my own children now, by over stocking, and panic buying. (I get anxious if we don't have at least two spare packs of pasta for example) and I end up throwing food away, as I feel like I need to have full baskets of snacks and treats, but to be honest, my kids aren't fussed and don't really even eat them. I worry I spoil them with presents, treats, experiences, in my bid to overcompensate for my frugal childhood, and I know I should stop, but it is very hard, as it makes me feel panicky to think of them ever going without. I probably need therapy to be honest.

My parents fucked me up by taking me out of school at just past 14 after growing up in a bus, moving to another country where I was left in a rural house for extended times, doing drugs in front of me and then encouraging me to go and live in a squat in a different country at 16. Which I did and then ended up in a mess of drugs and casual sex.

They're lovely really!

We were told to read the poem during first lecture of family law in law degree

How have your parents affected you? And what will you do (or have done) differently raising your own children?

You can't change the past, so, more interestingly, how are you fucking your children up?

I absolutely hate confrontation and/or raised voices of any kind, even if it’s not aimed at me. It makes me sick to my stomach. I struggle to watch it even on the telly. I can’t say for sure it’s the reason why but Mum and step dads relationship pretty volatile.

my step dad was/is an awful human being. He was awful to me growing up. I struggle to connect with people and really open up because I’m just so scared of getting hurt, even with DP who I have been with for 15 years.

I am absolutely shocking with money, we grew up pretty poor and if we had some sort of windfall (eg mum won on a scratch card or they got a new credit card) it would be blown in a shopping trip or eg new telly. I am really struggling to change these habits in myself, even though we aren’t ‘struggling’ I can’t save for the life of me and always thinking of something I ‘need’ to buy.

I really hope my kids don’t inherit any of this - although as Larkin says they fuck your up your mum and dad! So perhaps it is inevitable in one way or another!

To add, neither of my parents had stable jobs and we moved house 17 times before I left home, including different countries. I think this has left me with a feeling of always being dissatisfied with where I am and needing to move on to the next thing. I also hate not knowing how to answer the question, ‘where are you from?’ Or ‘where did you grow up?’ Home was a none place for me really until I had my own family and finally feel like I have a home.