Naughty step for 2yo?

[Flipflopwop]

DS is turning 2 soon. Wondering about introducing the naughty step with an egg timer as boundary pushing is getting worse. Is this appropriate?

Would you smack your own children in that case @Flipflopwop ?

I have a near 3 year old and I do use a time out approach as I find it effective and have done for the last 6 months or so. I give 3 requests for something, then move my DD to the front door mat if I'm ignored and explain why we need a moment away from the situation. I set a timer on my phone 30seconds to a minute, during which we sit and focus on breathing properly and being quiet, and when the alarm sounds let her push the button to stop it. We discuss why she's had a time out, we say our "sorrys" if we need to, have a cuddle and go back to what we were doing. I find it a useful way to get my daughter to calm down and focus on instructions. If that's outdated so be it, it works for us.

@GrazingSheep God No, I'm not saying it was the right thing to do but that I wouldn't say it has affected me.

Probably a little early.

Im going to go against the grain and say that the “naughty step” works for my 4 year old. We don’t use it anymore, probably 2.5-3.5. I would put him there when he got totally carried away as a means of separating him from his younger brother - when he was being unkind to him or when I was at the stage of overwhelm. I found he always came back with a better attitude and it gave us a minute or so to recoup.

What's he actually doing that you are finding challenging? Different behaviours require different responses IMO.

@GoodChat oh just the usual after a zillion times of being told not to do something and doing it, even with redirecting.

@wibblewobbleball what you describe is not naughty step or time out. It’s “time in” which is great. You remove your child from the problem/situation, stay WITH your child, and help your child to regulate etc. Explaining throughout and, crucially, prioritising connection. Naughty chairs disrupt connection by removing support from small children.

A thinking step is better than a naughty step IMO

My mum used to do it. I haven't introduced a step of any kind

My 2.5 YO DS uses the step to "have a think" if his behaviour isn't right. He just goes on it to calm down until he's ready. He then comes and says sorry and has a cuddle and I ask him why his behaviour wasn't good (it hurt somebody, made a big mess etc). He usually comes up with the tight answer and we move on very quickly. Usually only on there for about 15 seconds before he's "ready" and he has calmed down enough to reset.

@wibblewobbleball @wtftodo yes I'd do this as DS is very sensitive. There definitely would be tears to start.
@redyellowpinkbluegreen yes I wouldn't call it the actual nickname or even time out... definitely something fluffy and positive.

What’s positive about it as a method of behaviour control? Whatever you call it the end result is the same.

I wouldn’t send my child to a nursery doing something so lazy and counterproductive.

I did it when my eldest was 2. I am absolutely horrified at myself now. Poor kid.

read some parenting books, Janet Lansbury is good. He’s not pushing boundaries he’s just being 2. (Also good luck getting him to sit on it as that age)

What you do sounds great but it’s not time out or the naughty step!

Read 'how to talk so little kids will listen'. It's got lots of really helpful suggestions and really reframes your thinking on discipline/behaviour management. Personally I wouldn't go down the route of the naughty step - at age 2 I can't believe he would properly grasp the concept in any case. There are definitely other better methods.

A toddler acting out is a normal and healthy part of their development. It happens in particular when they are disregulated because they don't yet have the cognitive ability to manage their impulses, emotions and behaviour.

To my mind the naughty step doesn't teach them how to regulate themselves better or to manage their big feelings. Rather it teaches them that they can't trust you to help them navigate all of that and that they need to suppress their feelings or be banished.

Personally I've found positive reinforcement and modeling desirable behaviour much more effective, combined with calmly and lovingly holding firm boundaries where needed.

This is a good read.

@Careerdilemma thanks! Why does nursery use this outdated method then?!

I echo the "how to talk" books.

I think the above poster is almost there with a time-in. Something that isn't ignoring the child but positively supporting them with big feelings. Knowing that you are there for them and helping them to deal with their emotions rather than any form of negative association. But I wouldn't just use this all the time and use it instead of a "naughty step."

Look at what youre telling them not to do. Is there something they can be encouraged to do instead? Are they needing more physcial activity? More connection/ attention? I like the idea of being an "investigator" and seeing what is going on for the child.

No one ultimately wants a robot that just does what you say on command - but a relationship, a connection with a human being. So much is about the connection. What is it you want them to do? Maybe we can brain storm some alternatives?

time.com/5700473/time-outs-science/

Quite an interesting article here

Naughty step is useless. Just find out why they misbehaved, explain why it's not OK and if they need time out, make a cosy chair or cosy corner, where they can choose to go, to decompress when they are upset, with a cuddly toy and blanket and they can come back when they feel better. It teaches them to manage their own emotions instead of banishing them for having any. I hate the outdated notion that children should be happy and good 24/7. We are born with a range of emotions. It's normal to express them.

No, I don't think the naughty step is ever a good idea and I don't think it's advised now anyway.
Besides 2 is much too young to understand. 2 year olds don't have control of their emotions, they can very easily become overwhelmed and need help to calm down not punishment.

Yes I like the idea of a snuggle corner where they can go - it gives them some tools to manage emotions rather than making them feel bad.

Amazing advice thank you everyone. I wonder if the "naughty step" which isn't referred to as that in nursery is a last resort in a room full of chaotic toddlers to stop someone getting hurt? 🤔

https://keepingyourcoolparenting.com/why-timeouts-dont-work-and-what-to-do-instead/

This article is promoting their services but I found it helpful. Children aren't developmentally ready to reflect on their behaviour until much older, plus it's very difficult to do when you are wound up. You just sit there plotting! Removing a child to prevent the behaviour e.g. removing a hitting child from other children is about stopping the behaviour (and might be what nursery are doing?). Withdrawing attention and expecting them to reflect and be remorseful doesn't work that young.