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B****y Do-gooders

63 replies

megg · 15/11/2002 09:27

Here's my rant - why can't people mind their own business if they haven't got anything helpful to say. Its rainy and blowing a hooley ds decides he wants to crawl along the pavement with his scoop, I've got one hand on him trying to haul him up, one hand on the buggy trying to stop it blowing away and ds is fighting all the trying to get his scoop when some stupid man comes up and tells me I shouldn't like ds crawl around on the pavement in this weather maybe that was why I was shouting at ds trying to get him up. It was probably the same man who told me in Tesco when ds was a baby and crying that I shouldn't take him shopping. What was I supposed to do leave him home alone? Then there are the old grannies who come up and tell me I'm cruel when ds is throwing a tantrum in the street and I leave him there crying (obviously I don't go far just far enough for ds to stop crying in shock). Then there are the grannies who tell me ds should have gloves on - how am I supposed to keep them on him tie them on? That's it I feel a bit better now but I do wish these people would mind their own business. I see kids getting whacked by their mothers in town but I don't see them going to up to them telling them that they're wrong.

OP posts:
Scuba · 16/11/2002 00:11

Yes there are horrible people around but please no one stop being pleasant There's a lot of difference between someone being miserable or unhelpful or both and someone being pleasant or helpful. If we all stop being nice we'll all end up being horrible and that would be horrible if you see what I mean!

SueDonim · 16/11/2002 05:58

Ooh, it looks as though you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, on this thread!!

hmb · 16/11/2002 07:01

I think the key difference is that some people are trying to be helpful (ie helping to cheer up a sad child), and some people are being bossy and want to show you that they know best-you are a bad mum. If a child in the supermarket is yelling, I try to give the Mum a supportive 'we have all be here' smile. What I wouldn't do is say 'goodness, my children knew how to behave'. I am slack jawed at the comment about a tiny babe 'misbehaving', what planet are some people living on?

SoupDragon · 16/11/2002 08:59

Also, if someone is seen as interfering, we should explain what we're doing and why - like HMBs son having the tantrum in the playground and the mum saying he'd fallen over. I would have explained that he was simply having a tantrum and that I was waiting it out. She'd probably have given a smile and a knowing laugh. I'm not picking on you HMB, honest, just using it as an example DS2 was trying to climb up the slide in the Ball Pit yesterday and another mother came to tell me (I was sitting right by this bit of the little toddler part). I just let her know that yes, I was aware of it but I couldn't do anything about it; all he does is scream if I take him off and he'll go straight back there. She laughed with me and understood.

There is indeed a fine line between being interering and concerned!

Ghosty · 16/11/2002 09:12

Sorry ... just can't stop thinking of the old bat that had a go at Thumper ...

willow2 · 16/11/2002 10:07

I'd like to add my bit against the dogooders who want to shut Pen Ponds Car Park in Richmond Park - for those of you who don't know the park, it is used by lots of commuters as a cut through and, understandably, there is some concern about the effect this is having on the park. However, the road to Pen Ponds is a dead end, it is not used by commuters, only people trying to get to the fabulous ponds in the centre of the park. So basically mums with small children who do not want to yomp across country for the best part of an hour or so will not be able to get here (provisions are apparently going to be made for the elderly and disabled). We have spent many a summer day here having brilliant picnics - but there is no way that we could get to the ponds without driving. Plus, by shutting the car park the centre of the park is going to become a very lonely, isolated place - and potentially dangerous. Anyway, some mutant rambler wrote to the local paper supporting the idea of shutting the car park. I wrote back saying what a ridiculous idea it was for the above reasons. He replied the next week with this really sarcastic response along the lines of he used to sprint there with a child on each hip and one on his shoulders when his children were small and what was wrong with my legs. I'd also made the point that there was no way that my ds would manage the walk, but equally would not be happy to be stuck in a buggy for that length of time - so he slagged of my ability at dealing with my child's tantrums. I couldn't be arsed to respond to his letter - as nothing I wanted to say to him would have ever been printed.

Nutjob · 16/11/2002 11:55

The other day I was in my local supermarket, I was going down a particularly narrow aisle and an old man was coming in the other direction. My dd was leaning out the side of the trolley gazing up at the ceiling and I said to her 'Sit up, or you'll get your head knocked', the old man looked at me and snapped 'Stop telling her off'!!!! Maybe he would have preferred it, if he had rammed her head with his trolley!!

Another supermarket experience (they seem to be hot-spots for maoners and do-gooders) was when I was at the check-outs at my local Sainsbury's, there was a man in front of my with his son, who must have been about four, and he had a dummy in his mouth. The lady at the check out looked at him and said to the dad, 'What's he got that lump of plastic in his mouth for? He's far too old for that' I felt like telling her to mind her own f*ing business. What ever your opinions on dummies are, it's nothing to do with you!! There moan over!!

Lara2 · 16/11/2002 13:58

I could have flattened the interferring old man who, whilst DS2 was having a LOUD tantrum in his pushchair, looked me up and down as if I was something off the bottom of his shoe and said: " Can't you keep him quiet?" !!!!!!!!! Luckily, both DS's had wound me up and I was in no mood to cower, so looked him in the eye and demanded "And WHAT business is it of yours?!!"

Eulalia · 16/11/2002 14:34

Happened to me recently outside Boots, ds screaming his head off. Popped into Boots to get him packet of crisps leaving him outside. The till was 2 steps away from the door and I could see him (strapped into front of double buggy). I was in the shop 2 seconds and some granny comes up to the till and starts blabbing on about an abandoned child. I pretended to know nothing about it and let her get on with it, bought crisps and swiftly took ds away. By the time the meddling cow had got someone I would have been miles away!

Clarinet60 · 16/11/2002 15:04

This happened to me in hospital with ds2. I left him on the ward, with other mums, to get my nipple shields out of the sterilizer next door. When I came back I heard an auxilliary loudly telling a midwife that I'd abandoned my baby. It set off my baby blues, which needed to come out, so maybe she did me a favour.

sis · 16/11/2002 15:07

Eulalia, I have to put in a word for the woman in Boots - IMO, if she did not know that you were watching your son, she did the right thing to voice her concern over an unattended child.

hmb · 16/11/2002 18:54

I agree soup dragon, and that was just what I did. She didn't smile, she just said 'Oh' is a rather negative way, as if she didnt quite believe me, or that she was annoyed that she couldn't get 'one up' on me. I had the stong feeling that she wasn't so much interested in the welfare of my son, but was rather more interested at having a go at me

Caroline5 · 16/11/2002 20:02

The other day I was in the queue at Tesco's, my two were making a bit of a racket, but nothing too terrible, when at the next checkout, a Mum mutters to the checkout assistant : "Oh, good, I'm glad there are some other obnoxious children around, I thought it was only mine!" She didn't look at me, but must have known I could hear!! I was speechless (unfortunately!)

ks · 16/11/2002 20:29

This reply has been deleted

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Jimjams · 16/11/2002 20:44

You think you've got it bad. You should try going out and about with an autistic 3 year old. Only good thing is when the old grannies tell him off for screeching or coughing without putting his had over his mouth (that was last week in tescos). He either totally ignores them or shouts because the trolley's stopped. Of course if the interfering busybodies get too much I do have the advantage of having "this child is autistic so f* **" cards I can hand out. haven't done yet but have come very close. Actually they don't say that, they're much politer but that's the sentiment.

Eulalia · 16/11/2002 22:39

Ok sis perhaps I should be reprimanded , it was just that she didn't even bother to check for me just marches in looking for a shop assistant, as if a shop assistant could do anything.

SoupDragon · 17/11/2002 08:47

Jimjams, I think you should keep some of the less polite cards handy for the truly obnoxious do-gooders!

HMB, I know what you mean - I'd spent the previous week hauing my son off the slide amidst "THIS WOMAN'S MURDERING ME!" screams and had decided to leave him to it. This woman smiled knowingly and clearly undersood completely. Your doo gooder clearly had children who didn't do the hurling themselves on the floor act.

Willow2 - I think you should reply asking this man how he managed to ensure the safety of the child precariously balanced on his shouldsers whilst his hands were occupied holding one on each hip. He's either an octopus or an a**e. Or possibly both...

jennifersofia · 18/11/2002 14:08

Thumper - what did the woman at Colombia Rd. look like? I am wondering if I know her... we live just down the road from there.

bluestar · 18/11/2002 15:12

I had a helpful lady in Sainsburys last week when ds wouldn't get in the trolley - she came over, smiled and talked to him, and ds sat in the trolley as good as gold! I would always say smile, talk, amuse the kids, give a knowing look - I'm sure for most mums and dads, this is very welcome!

thumper · 18/11/2002 15:27

aah, thanks Ghosty. Don't worry, one of these days I will get round to making the Voodoo doll!! JenniferSofia, mid 50's shortish, pinched face, very dark hair, which was in dire need of a restyle! Ooh, I think I'm getting carried away now. I'm quite nice really!

anais · 20/11/2002 22:36

I had a woman in the supermarket walk past and comment to the bloke who was showing her where to find something "sorry I was distracted by that child" he replied something about her being very noisy and she said she couldn't believe that she was being allowed to continue making that noise. My dd - about 15months at the time was sitting in the trolley squealing with sheer joy at being alive. You can't win can you? She'd havebeen tutting if dd was screaming. Screw the bastards.

bea · 21/11/2002 10:03

ooo! i love the language on here!!!

ha! ha!

i wish i could think of quick witty retorts but am unfortunately to slow and dim witted to think of any... in any case thank god i haven't come across a do gooder yet!!!

mieow · 28/11/2002 21:50

My dd1 has CP and there is concerns about her hearing, she screams a lot, very loudly especially when she is excited but because she doesn't look "disabled" people think she is just being annoying. We were in Mcdonolds yesterday and she was sitting in a highchair and was getting excited about eating, and people were staring and tutting, Because my DS has Cp too, I have got use to this but still people manage to shock me.
We were at a car boot sale, DS in his Major buggy, DD1 and DD2 in the double buggy when the aisles became very close together, I knocked into a lady (it was an accident, honest :0 ) I said "i'm so sorry" (my mum and dad brought me up to be polite) and she just walked away, tutting, saying that we shouldn't have brought a double buugy there!!!!!!! I was so annoyed, that I now feel that it isn't worth saying sorry, just laugh at them, coz you are a bad person if you don't say sorry but a badder person for saying sorry.
I still say sorry all the time though LOL

lou33 · 28/11/2002 22:48

Mieow, I'm sorry to say thar there are a lot of insensitive twats about (am I allowed to say that?), and next time I hope you manage to scrape their ankles with the buggy!

aloha · 29/11/2002 09:38

Tutting absolutely makes me see red! I tend to follow them around making really exaggerated tutting noises and if they look startled say something like, 'what, you have a problem with tutting? Well don't do it then.' It's as if I'm possessed by demons! And I HATE it when you apologise automatically and people think of it as a reason/excuse to slag you off some more. Grrr! I wouldn't let it lie if someone told me I shouldn't bring a buggy to a shop, oh no. I think something along the lines of 'well, I think they shouldn't let miserable old crones in shops, myself' might do it. Oh, my blood pressure!

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