DD Invited to Tea by School Friend

[Momp]

DD's best friend's mum asked if DD would like to go round for tea one of the nights. I told the mum it was OK with me but would need to check with DH (knowing only too well he would definately say no way).

DD is nearly 5, has known the girl since she started reception in Sept, and has been to their house for best friends party and that went well.

I do think they're a nice family, but I only ever see them at school. I'm just thinking "you never know what could happen".

Please help!

My dd started going to other girls houses for tea after school in reception and we started having other girls to our house. I must admit I did make sure that I had the other families' addresses and phone numbers before she went. If you're worried you could always telephone and casually ask if your dd is ok during the playdate (without your dd knowing).

I wouldn't remotely worry about this either. If you would prefer to know them ask them back asap.

I think 5 is a good age to start going to friend's for tea. I've had younger kids here and they've been fine as they know me.

Maybe limit the time, say to 6ish? Then you won't be worrying for too long. She'll really enjoy herself though I can guarantee it

Hi Momp,

it has never occured to me to worry about this and I have always felt happy around the parent's of dd's friends. I know this might sound a bit harsh, but does your dd go in a car ever? Because the chances of her coming to grief in a car are FAR FAR greater than anything untoward happening to her at her friend's house. And you could very easily argue that going to a friend's house is far more important for her social and emotional health and development than going in a car. We worry about our children all the time and yet think little of taking what is by far the biggest risk of all, which is putting them in a car. It's difficult but try to make a rational, calculated assessment about the costs and benefits, factoring in the risk ie the likelihood of the "costs" occuring. Going to a friend's house for tea is such an important part of their development, that, with some exercise of sense (ie chatting to the parents) I personally think it is very difficult to justify not letting them go. And I only think age is relevant with regard to whether or not the child will cope and/or enjoy it. The risk of harm - though very low - is probably the same for a 5 year old or an 8 year old. From the risk point of view letting her go is unlikely to get any easier.

Very good post hatter.

My dd, 4, loves going to tea with her friends.
I agree with some of the others - go with her. You can then put your mind at rest and might make a new friend yourself.
We have a great network of friends from dd's nursery and now have several people we are happy for her to sleep over with, who can pick her up from school if we're stuck etc which is invaluable.
Whatever you do don't stop her from going.

Must agree with Hatter. Part of parenting is letting a child go at each milestone. It's very tough, each time you go through agonies about whether they're ready, but holding them back is not doing them any favours.

I do think your DH sounds OTT by the way. Is he really afraid that your DD will be abused and/ or murdered if she goes to a friend's house? I wouldn't ridicule these fears - we've all got them (or most of us have) - but most of us manage to overcome them, take a deep breath, and take the plunge. If he doesn't learn to that, he'll find his life as a father quite hellish - every normal milestone your DD comes up against will cause major traumas, for him, you and your DD. And that's not going to be enjoyable for any of you!