Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

My toddler hates going into buildings...

37 replies

PixelMummy · 04/07/2022 20:28

This is becoming extremely difficult for me.

Every single playgroup I've taken my son to, he hates walking in. The second he notices there are other children milling around inside, he starts to beeline for the exit. I mean, that's IF we make it past the front entrance at reception.

If I manage to get him to go inside and hang out one time, the next time we go to that same location, as soon as he recognises the route there, he begins wailing in protest that he doesn't want to go in. I've tried taking him to 6 different playgroups in town, and he's had total distress-wails at every single one.

Similarly if we arrive somewhere to visit a friend or relative, when he notices it's a house we're going to, he will protest and not want to go in. I have to convince him to go in somehow - for example I've used the weather as a reason to be indoors ("it's raining, sweetheart, let's wait for the rain to stop then we will have a walk outside". I will actually take him outside, too. I don't like to lie), or I will suggest we play some games inside for a bit.

The only places he likes to actually go are outdoors or open public spaces - parks are a particular favourite. The beach is fine, supermarkets and going for strolls through malls are fine. The only way I can describe it is that if he wants to go out, he wants to go out -- side. Not into a building where he's cooped up.

We went to the London Sealife Center recently. He tried to walk us out of the building but I managed to convince him the exit was through the corridor, so he spent the next hour casually gazing around while also searching for the way out. When we got to the souvenir shop it was a bit of a relief, but again he was most relieved when we left the space.

For a while he enjoyed soft play areas, but due to lack of funds recently, I've not been able to take him to any for quite a number of weeks now.

The issue I have is lots of people suggesting to me that he needs to socialise more, and yet when I take him to spaces supposedly designed for children to socialise, he is so upset, I have to bring him home, or go to our usual parks for him to enjoy some active time.

He doesn't go to nursery and I've been back and forth on the idea because I am a stay at home mum and don't necessarily need him to be away from me for errands etc. I bring him with me and he's very much involved in daily activities with me.

He will happily go to his grandparents house and I can leave him with his grandparents or uncle or dad no problems. But if we go to playgroups in particular, he absolutely HATES it.

Another thing is he really gets upset when other small children come to our house. In particular one of our neighbour's boys. He is the same age but is already talking (my son is only just starting to talk), and the boy is a bit of an outgoing character who tends to go in for hugs and throw himself into play without invitation. My son finds this very upsetting as he is more introverted.

I just wish I knew how to encourage my son to be more social and enjoy playgroups and want to be around other children.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
PixelMummy · 04/07/2022 23:18

NRRK28 · 04/07/2022 22:49

I’m a psychologist. How is he development? Any milestones missed? How old is he?. Can he point?. Know his name?. How is he eating. Maybe its related to sensory overload

Sorry one more thing -- food wise... he is a bit of a picky eater, but he does eat enough and has a generally good appetite but like all toddlers has days when he's just not hungry. :)

Fruits and veg need to be secretly mixed in, but he will eat them when they are.

He is exposed to Indian and Arabic cuisine, as well as more European / Western foods. He's not allergic to anything and the only thing that will put him off wanting to eat something is if it's wet / messy to touch.

He won't drink anything unless its milk or water. We've tried offering him fruit juices, squashes, and he generally tries them but doesn't like them. He's quite specific about the fact his sippy cup is for water, and his other drinking cup is for milk. Nothing else.

OP posts:
DiamanteDelia · 04/07/2022 23:23

One thing that can help is arriving early at playgroup so it’s almost empty when he enters- it can be less stressful if the other children arrive gradually rather than having to walk into a room which is already busy.

Smallsheets · 04/07/2022 23:31

Sounds a lot like my DS. He used to hate playgroups/ circle time but is very slowly getting more used to them and he is 3.5. The other day I was really surprised when he wanted to stay for circle time. Last year we went to music classes and he used to beg me to leave as soon as we got there but I had paid for a block of 10 so we pushed through for half the lesson at least (sometimes more).

what changed? I’m not 100% sure but I think it was finding a playgroup where there were toys he was interested in playing with and playgroups in big open spaces like massive church halls. DS still prefers the outdoors though so we only go to playgroup when it rains or is cold or I want to meet a friend.

It’s so hard when you feel like you are the only one who has to drag their child kicking and screaming places but you aren’t the only one I promise! Keep going to different playgroups and follow his interests.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

PixelMummy · 04/07/2022 23:33

DiamanteDelia · 04/07/2022 23:23

One thing that can help is arriving early at playgroup so it’s almost empty when he enters- it can be less stressful if the other children arrive gradually rather than having to walk into a room which is already busy.

Thank you for this suggestion and yes, this is something that I've worked in -- as he is an early riser, getting to places a bit earlier than everyone else is a bit of a given, and I have found it has helped - until he recognises the place and doesn't want to go in at all.

OP posts:
PixelMummy · 04/07/2022 23:35

Smallsheets · 04/07/2022 23:31

Sounds a lot like my DS. He used to hate playgroups/ circle time but is very slowly getting more used to them and he is 3.5. The other day I was really surprised when he wanted to stay for circle time. Last year we went to music classes and he used to beg me to leave as soon as we got there but I had paid for a block of 10 so we pushed through for half the lesson at least (sometimes more).

what changed? I’m not 100% sure but I think it was finding a playgroup where there were toys he was interested in playing with and playgroups in big open spaces like massive church halls. DS still prefers the outdoors though so we only go to playgroup when it rains or is cold or I want to meet a friend.

It’s so hard when you feel like you are the only one who has to drag their child kicking and screaming places but you aren’t the only one I promise! Keep going to different playgroups and follow his interests.

Thank you, this has really reassured me. It sounds a lot like how mine can be -- very resistant. But then I've not been making him go to any particular place because they're free, so there's not that commitment there. But I think you're right - that consistency of going. Your response has given me a bit of hope, especially since you can relate with the experience. Thank you, again.

OP posts:
Quackajack · 04/07/2022 23:59

My daughter was like this and she was eventually diagnosed asd. She is the complete opposite now and loves going to other people's houses and is very sociable. I would concentrate on the things he enjoys doing rather than taking him to playgroups when you know he is not going to enjoy it. Maybe find an outdoor forest school type thing also nursery is great for socialising.

PixelMummy · 05/07/2022 00:10

Quackajack · 04/07/2022 23:59

My daughter was like this and she was eventually diagnosed asd. She is the complete opposite now and loves going to other people's houses and is very sociable. I would concentrate on the things he enjoys doing rather than taking him to playgroups when you know he is not going to enjoy it. Maybe find an outdoor forest school type thing also nursery is great for socialising.

Thanks for your response. I am wondering if there's ASD involved and we're on a waiting list but I feel he's on quite a high functioning end of the spectrum if he does have aspects. I do just want him to have a good childhood.

OP posts:
BarnacleNora · 05/07/2022 01:32

@PixelMummy do you mind me asking, for what reason is he on the waiting list for ASD assessment? Just because everything you've described from his development sounds fairly neurotypical to me (obviously I don't know him and haven't met him!)

I know you want him to have a good childhood, as we all do so maybe for the moment just concentrate on the things he enjoys? The socialising will come, he already allows it in spaces where he feels comfortable (parallel play still very typical at this sort of age) and it sounds like you do lots of lovely things with him at home! He's not the only toddler who doesn't like playgroups!

My son (who coincidentally is autistic but it was so obvious he was diagnosed just before he turned 3) never quite did what you'd expect at toddler classes and ALWAYS preferred outdoors. We went to a weekly music and sensory class and it was a standing joke that my DS would take laps around all the sitting adults and children taking part in the songs and also everyone in the room had full permission to lunge/dive or generally hurl themselves at him if he managed to escape me and make for the exterior door which he could unlock 😂

He's 8 now and very happy to stay in a group, has a lot of friends and loves to take part in whatever's going on, inside or out! Your DS will have a happy childhood I'm sure of it OP

PixelMummy · 05/07/2022 14:15

BarnacleNora · 05/07/2022 01:32

@PixelMummy do you mind me asking, for what reason is he on the waiting list for ASD assessment? Just because everything you've described from his development sounds fairly neurotypical to me (obviously I don't know him and haven't met him!)

I know you want him to have a good childhood, as we all do so maybe for the moment just concentrate on the things he enjoys? The socialising will come, he already allows it in spaces where he feels comfortable (parallel play still very typical at this sort of age) and it sounds like you do lots of lovely things with him at home! He's not the only toddler who doesn't like playgroups!

My son (who coincidentally is autistic but it was so obvious he was diagnosed just before he turned 3) never quite did what you'd expect at toddler classes and ALWAYS preferred outdoors. We went to a weekly music and sensory class and it was a standing joke that my DS would take laps around all the sitting adults and children taking part in the songs and also everyone in the room had full permission to lunge/dive or generally hurl themselves at him if he managed to escape me and make for the exterior door which he could unlock 😂

He's 8 now and very happy to stay in a group, has a lot of friends and loves to take part in whatever's going on, inside or out! Your DS will have a happy childhood I'm sure of it OP

He wouldn't respond or acknowledge his name when he was younger, and he was quite delayed in pointing at things, as well as speech. I was also concerned about his lack of eye contact, but all of these things he seemed to start to grow out of over time - but it was concerning as autism does feature quite frequently in my extended family.

OP posts:
Claire123ee · 29/11/2024 12:34

PixelMummy · 05/07/2022 14:15

He wouldn't respond or acknowledge his name when he was younger, and he was quite delayed in pointing at things, as well as speech. I was also concerned about his lack of eye contact, but all of these things he seemed to start to grow out of over time - but it was concerning as autism does feature quite frequently in my extended family.

Hi do you have any updates on your DS ? I am in the same boat with my daughter

IVFmumoftwo · 29/11/2024 19:27

This is exactly like my son. He would far rather escape and play with taps than the play group at the moment!

Mariasuzannej · 08/02/2025 14:36

Hi, I know it's been a while and your little one must be nearly 5?! I don't even know if you will see this post but my little boy is 3 next month, and I could have written most of this post myself! Used to love places up until about 6 weeks ago and now it is a real struggle.
I just wondered if things improved and if you have any tips?
Thank you x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread