Incredibly worried about 15 month olds development

[Jessicalee478]

I am feeling incredibly worried about my 15 month old boys development. Just after his first birthday he had a really odd few weeks where he basically stopped babbling and interacting. It was horrific and I felt at the time I had lost my boy. At the time my GP referred us to a paediatrician (waiting on appointment) and I had his hearing checked which was all fine. After this period he slowly started interacting again but I still feel in my gut that he is potentially showing early signs of ASD. He does now babble again but it appears very much to be either random babble to himself whilst playing or mumum to get my attention if he wants something or wants to point something out to me. There is not and I am not sure there ever has been really any socially directed babble. He has never babbled where it kind of sounds like they are trying to say something with intonation. We have started private speech therapy and I have noticed he is starting to make some new noises with his babbling but it is still very very basic and inconsistent. He is not affectionate and will not make eye contact while being held although when he is engaged and interacting he makes beautiful eye contact. He has picked up makaton well over the past few weeks and is consistently using about 8 signs so far. He loves peekaboo, this little piggy and will ask for more more when I am finished. He appears to have good receptive language, can follow simple instructions ie get your shoes, sit down, go and put this in your room etc. He can shake his head no appropriately to answer questions and has just this week started to nodd yes to questions if he wants something. He waves, points everything out to me, is very very good at getting his point across if he wants something, is fairly good at imitation ie clapping, stamping feet, pointing to body parts etc as well as if I model something with a toy he will generally repeat straight away. He can point to a few body parts when asked and say meow and moo consistently in context. I am aware he is doing so so many positive things but I just can't shake the feeling that something is missing communication wise. The richness and easy flow of back and forth communication just does not seem to be there? I feel that I have to work very hard to get and keep his engagement and I don't feel it should be this hard? Please help. I am worried sick. Any advice appreciated.

I'll 2nd this DD is autistic and whilst she does have some struggles she's happy and amazing. I'm a better person because she's in my world she has taught me so much, such as how you can express love and affection without physical contact. I've grown as a person because of her.

Worrying about it isn't going to change it either if he is autistic then he is. Just keep doing the great job you are and give it time.

He also will often turn his back to me when playing rather than actively bringing me into his play and like I say I have to work very hard

I’m sorry but I think your expectations of a 15 month old are just completely wrong. None of them actively bring others into their play. That comes so much later. At this age, a lot are barely interested in ‘play’ at all - my DS was trying to climb the book shelf and toys were used as missiles at 15 months. You obviously need to speak to your paediatrician for your own peace of mind but I think you need to work on disentangling yourself from this, in the meantime.

I’m sorry it is worrying you so much. He sounds like a normal 15 month old to me. I’m not sure how to put this in a diplomatic way so here goes. Even if you are right (which I don’t think you are), is your son having autism really that horrific? I say this from the perspective of a parent with a child with significant SEN. Worst case scenario he needs a level of support that you didn’t anticipate when you thought of having children. You can either agonise for the next few years until you can be more certain or you can try to enjoy the child you do have. None of that is meant unsympathetically but I feel like you just need to employ a bit of pragmatism.

My Ds didn't babble but just started on a few words, but he regress on speech at around one years old, but he started walking and the world was big and he wanted to touch every switch and explore everything. My DD the was the same. It's hard because there are massive differences in child development. I totally understand your anxiety, I had it too, but worrying won't help him. He sounds like you are doing great with him, all you can do is see what happens. You can't cure him if it is ASD and I think the very American websites that's spout the urgent need for early intervention are misleading because there really isn't anything much you can do, apart from speech therapy when older IF they don't speak or learning signs or PECS type cards if signing or speech don't work.

It sounds like he could be autistic. Any family history?

Equally- could not be.

Can you articulate why you’re so worried he is autistic? My teenage daughter is and there are some big challenges. But it’s not anything to panic over- just something to learn and about help them with. If you get an early diagnosis you can get over the biggest hurdle which is helping him through education. New Zealand seems to have a nice chilled child-focused system of schooling so that should work well.

😃

Neither of my DC did more than random babbling until 18-20months. They are now age 4 and 8. The 4yr old has an enormous vocabulary and can read simple words already. The 8yr old has a reading age of 11 and an equally vast vocabulary. They all develop at their own pace and yours sounds absolutely normal to me.

Do you sing nursery rhymes to your boy? That's one of the best ways to develop language, alongside reading every day. Please try to enjoy it and stop worrying.

I'm afraid my immediate thought is that I'm not surprised he "zones out".

I think, meant kindly, you'd do better to ditch the therapy for your baby and send the money on therapy for yourself to think about what is going on here.

I wonder if you feel you have to do lots of work for your son to develop?

You don't - they do that all themselves in their own way.

The best adjusted children are those who have been supported with time and space to develop on their own schedule. They're all different.

Your job is to provide the setting for your son to grow in. That means love, support, responsiveness, firmness (when he's older). But within that setting you provide, the developing is his business.

It really is a relief as a parent when you realise this. Ironically it means you can enjoy it child much more. Which in turn helps their development.

After all the greatest thing for a child is to be raised by someone who enjoys them and is curious about them.

I would echo pp in encouraging you to stop trying so hard to get him to do stuff. Try to be conscious of putting aside this ASD topic of thought for one time of day (after he’s in bed) and for the rest of the day think of what you’d do if you knew he wasn’t autistic- and do that.

It sounds like he could be autistic

it really doesn’t

Maybe just reading a basic book in child development would help as almost all the things you’re highlighting as ‘evidence’ are pretty simply explained.

Such as children ‘parallel play’ until about 3 years old so you wouldn’t expect him to bring you in. Repetitive playing, zoning out, ignoring - all totally normal. When my daughter was little if she was engrossed in something I could literally snap my fingers in front of her eyes and she wouldn’t notice.

Little children are not small adults - they work in very different ways. Echoing other- get help for yourself, you’re slipping into obsession which WILL end up affecting him

Oh my! Do you go to any baby groups? I think you need to see some other babies / toddlers. At 15 months that aren’t meant to be talking or doing much more playing than banging stuff. Have you had his hearing checked? Your detailed description of his play is very intense, it sounds almost like you are constantly ‘testing’ him, most people do not notice this minute details. Seeing a speech therapist at 15 months is insane, and it’s wrong that’s she’s taking your money.

That is amazing to hear. I know it is not the worst thing. I think it is the unknown. If I could look into the future and see he has a few friends and is happy I would be fine as nothing else really matters. I think a lot of what I have been reading online is worst case scenario and I have let myself really get dragged down by it all.

@Sickoffamilydrama that's lovely to hear. I know that I need to just enjoy him I just feel paralyzed by all of this early intervention stuff online and how essential it is and think what if I am not doing enough to support him. I know he is so so young and could go either way and I will love him no matter what I think it is just the unknown. I was all very relaxed about milestones and everything really until he had that very off period just after he turned 1 - since then I have been very hyper fixated on it all. He just woke up one morning and was like a different boy it was bizarre, silent, withdrawn and repeated a broom broom noise to himself constantly for weeks rather than engaging. I just don't know what else would cause that.

My child sat like a potato until 18 months and I never remember worrying for a second op! You really need to learn to relax! He's nearly 4 now and doing brilliantly. Runs into preschool each day, doesn't stop talking, loads of friends etc.

Stop comparing your child and over analysing everything, you're expecting far too much from him. He's still a baby.

His receptive language skills and some of his other skills sound upper end of normal. The speech abs babble you have mentioned is normal (but you do want to see that progressing over next couple of months). The social interaction yiu mentioned is the area to keep an eye on. It could be fine but also may be early signs of ASD and actually engaging a play based SLT to work on that through play sounds sensible if you bc an afford it as I can imagine she is supporting him with continuing to develop his social interest and early joint attention through play and games etc which is a good thing (for any child).

The activity kit for babies abs toddlers at risk (fein, helt, Brennan, Barton) - great book and probably what your SLT is doing. If not it’s the sor to of approach she should be using.

Support for you to would be a good thing if you are struggling with anxiety atm. I am a big fan of ACT (acceptance and commitment training) to help when life deals difficult or worries feel a bit big.

it sounds like you are doing a great job and that he may not have ASD but if he does you are keeping an eye on things and are doing what you can to support him.

good luck and be kind to yourself x

Sorry for typos - feeding baby back to sleep

early intervention at this stage is play, increasing social motivation abs joint attention (sensory social routines etc like peekaboo). The nature of early intervention changes as children get older (depending on what a child needs and what the deficits are) but right now you are on it so you don’t need to put that pressure on yourself as it sounds like you are doing a lot of what needs doing. I think you may like that book. A lot of it fits into routines like nappy changes etc :)

Do you go to play groups or Playcentre? I mean this kindly: really recommend spending time with other mums and toddlers rather than going down rabbit holes online. Playcentre might be the support village you need.

Please stop telling this woman that. She’s already overwhelmed and scared. What she’s explained doesn’t sound like autism not one bit. Knock it off!!

He's only 15 months old and the symptoms you describe sound totally normal for his age.

@Notmytiep how would we know if it’s autism? It was a balanced reply to express that even if her child is autistic, it’s not anything to panic about. I have an autistic child. I see symptoms in the younger children that could be ASD- but could just be normal behaviour. Impossible to tell from her description.

Please stop minimising the concerns of the woman who gave birth to this child and knows him best. If she has concerns and sees a significance social change in his development he could have ASD. This is different from children who are late developers. Though some loss and gain of skills can also be normal development. All the best professionals Working with kids knows the first rule is to listen to the parents…

No one is minimizing the mother's concern here. If you read the thread she has been given level headed advice (she described a perfectly developed 15 month old) and she will see a professional in August so she can find out more.

Genuinely and honestly sounds like a TOTALLY typical 15 month old. That's still SO young for full blown communication - truly. In fact, he sounds really quite advanced in how he communicates (e.g., makaton usage)

Have a 12m old and a 6year old and my 6yr old did no intentional babbling or speaking except for 'cat' until he was around 17 months. By 19months his vocab exploded and he hasn't shut up since! But around 12m-16m he was focusing on his physical skills, like learning to walk, squatting, fine motor skills for his play. I can see the same trend with my now 12m old. Once the physical side was well established my older child then seemed to migrate to speaking. They have so much to learn!

Also, all the stuff you're worried about regarding playing sounds totally normal. Toddlers are infuriatingly repetitive. They will open and close doors, play with zips, switches etc for hours on end daily! This is where play kitchens become such a hit because it gives them lots of doors and buttons to play with! The fact he doesn't interact the whole time you're playing (e.g. turning away) is also normal - have you seen toddlers try to play together? No? It's because they don't at that age - toddlers will play side by side with people, but the play is very much a solo thing until they're quite a bit older.

Basically... he's still a baby. Your expectations seem to be more akin to a child!

You could try a Twinkleboost classes if there's one near you? They are baby to preschool age and all about communication strategy. It's not too long and based loosely on a familiar child's story book each week. Also might be good to see other Dc too. They are really fun for the Dc and usually some sensory element too.