Help - how do I meet new people

[albosmum]

Help - I am a mum who has been desperately trying to meet other mums - but just don't seem to be getting anywhere. I do all the right things go to mother and baby groups, music clasess, exercise etc. (but frequently end up on my own as everyone else seems to know each other or they seem really cliquey). Am I doing something wrong. I have tried meetups twice on this (am posting under a pseudonym) but it appears no one lives near me.
What can I do to meet other mums?
Th loneliness is really beginning to get me down.

mention this to your Health Visitor....
when i'd had DD my HV gave me the telephone number of 2 other mums who didn't know anyone, we chatted, got together. went to M&T together. they have both now moved away but we're still in contact, one of them comes to stay, we go on holiday together despite now living in 2 diffeent countries. it helped me get to know others too. i'd recommend it.

I too found it really hard to begin with. I have lived in the area for 10 years, but was so busy working i didn't realise i had hardly any friends outside of work!! Billy no mates! Then along came DD. I have found the best places to meet people are swimming classes and baby yoga. And the best advice i have is keep a pen and paper with you, and write down "notes" on people such as names, childrens names and ages and anything you can bring up again in conversation. Next time you meet them, drop in " Hows foo-foo?" or "Did she like blah blah?" and you will shame them into taking notice of you!!!

hi there

yes it can be difficult meeting new mums and build new friendships as well as maintaining them

i,m quite shy at times and do worry that it comes across as not acting friendly when i,m too scared to make or maintain a conversation

sounds like a good freindly bunch on here

wish you luck tc

I met lots of women at ante natal classes. However I had post natal depression and just wanted to stay in the house all the time instead of meeting up. I totally regret this now. I would say to anyone in the same position to really force themselves to get out and about.

I have found it difficult too, as I used to live in South London and attended NCT antenatal there, but just before my first baby was born (now 5 months old) we moved to North London and I lost touch with my NCT mums, except 2 whom I am still in touch with on e-mail and telephone. They are lovely but I hardly ever see them now as they live too far away (one has just moved to Japan !!) and I don't have a car at the moment and I hate getting on the tube with the baby.

I am also one of those who loves going to the cinema on her own (or used to before baby was born !), especially to see strange and wonderful foreign films at the NFT. I also have a tendency to find any old excuse to talk about politics, as it has been a passion of mine since I was a teenager and I studied International Relations...I find politics puts many people off...like discussions of sex or religion !

Any mums out there who enjoy chatting in lovely coffee shops about international politics ? Oh.. and talk about babies occassionally ? I am new to the Finchley area.

NCT - why not contact the General Enquiries contact for your area, bet there'll be some coffee groups or something going on. I did that when I moved to NE from SW London and ds was 10 months old, a little hard to start with as friendships established but chipped away at it and now am friends with some lovely people. I also volunteered with the branch - not that easy if you are going back to work but you could do something little, bet they'd take your arm off! Find your branch here

... and also meant to say, it can be REALLY hard sometimes. The whole mum friend thing feels like being back at school where there is a whole etiquette thing going on and sometimes people can be unkind - but remember that says more about them than it does about you. Good luck xx

Bearess thanks for the tip. I hate to say anything bad about the NCT, but I have contacted them 3 times since I moved to North London and they never bothered to call me back about what groups were going on. In the end they gave me 2 numbers of other women in my area who wanted to meet other mums, but I was hoping to join a big group. I was hoping that I wouldn't have a problem getting to know at least one or two people in a big group as I am very bubbly and confident socially...I can chat to anyone about anything (well almost, maybe not nuclear physics...I would have to read up on that one )...Any way I haven't given up yet. I specifically joined this website so that I could meet other mums and I only joined a few days ago...so early days

You all sound like such a friendly lot. I only joined mumsnet today. Often message boards are quite intimidating. Good luck everyone!

Katty - that's pants! Sorry that the NCT were so hopeless for you, when it works, it's great, but when it doesn't, it's very frustrating. Sounds like it's not a v. active branch - anyway will shut up about them now and go and clean up the kitchen - fat chance of dh doing it, he is in hysterics watching Little Britain!

I posted on here a few weeks back with a similar post saying that 'cliques are crap!!!' and got lots of helpful suggestions. I just wanted to say that since then I have made the effort to go to the same play group every week and have been friendly but not in anyone's face- as some people do already have friends to talk to and want to catch up with their news. But, weirdly, I am now one of the regulars and I recognise everyone, and I have noticed that they don't all know each other and that new faces come most weeks. Most people are happy just to chat for that time and I think don't really need to meet up at other times, but one person suggested we meet up and we have done so a few times now, and our kids are the same age and get on well. I have also offered to help with the xmas party which is a good way of having a useful conversation rather than small talk all the time. Hope this helps give encouragement! ps I also wrote down a few names when I got home the first couple of times as I was forgeting who was who which was a bit crap of me.

good for you newgirl

I am the opposite I think I scare people away.

I like Twiglett am not frightened to chat with anyone, but I think as soon as I open my gob, people back away. I am not shy to talk to anyone, and can talk for England too.

I have been to lots of meet ups, and always find that it is I doing all the chasing and arranging things, which after a while gets you down, almost like they feel forced into it.

albosmum, know exactly how you feel, it has taken nearly 4 months to feel comfortable at these groups and start to chat to other mums regularly. Even so there are days when I think why do I bother? Keep going, eventually you become part of the furniture and other mums start to chat to you! volunteer at one of the baby groups as that helps break the ice although it can be tiring! Good luck and we are here fo you if you need a chat! Mumsnet is a much friendly place. Where do you live?

katty68 - love politics too! And am always being dragged by a certain friend of mine to see foreign films although don't ask me what i have seen as i never remember the name!

Albosmum,

((((((((((((((albosmum))))))))))

I could have written your post five and a half years ago almost word for word.

I would agree with the comment made about NCT in that when they're good they're great but if the group chemistry is pants its just not going to work.

How did I get through a difficult 18 months (up till the time my son was 2 1/2 and went to preschool) well I went out with my son and talked to almost everyone I came across regardless of age, joined MAMA (meet a mum association), took up Spanish lessons and avoided all such M & T groups like the plague (I found them wayyyy too cliquey for my liking not just to say competitive). Doing all the above made me feel so much better inside.

I wish you well

Meerkats

Ditto! I was also doing the rounds with baby groups and didn't feel like I was meeting anyone that I could form friendships with. Sometimes you have to keep going to groups for a while before other people will make an effort. Other times I have met someone briefly once clicked, and suggested we exchange mobile numbers, or go for a coffee and then invited them around to my house. I've learnt to broaden my horizons as well by trying activities in other areas and even if you don't make friends it's good to see different faces. I certainly would take any of it personally as given time you will meet people.

i did not expect this thread to get so long, its really nice to know that other people feel the same. Unfortunately Ds has been ill this week so I have been unable to use any of the advice yet but hopefully next week I will start afresh and revitalised. - but I did say hello to 2 mums in town who I have seen at school which I feel is quite a BIG step forward for me.

Plus just being on this site makes me feel better

yingers74 - great to meet you ! where abouts do you live ? I live in the Finchley area. My DS is only 5 months old now and exclusively breastfed, which makes it hard to go the cinema - but on the politics front - well as my DH and I talk politics all the time, especially right after watching the news, DS will have to get used to hearing politics all his life ! Hopefully DS will eventually grow up and join in our conversations rather than just stare at us with his huge dark eyes and smile while he chews on his favourite plastic toy !! How is your child/children ?

Katty you should go to the cinemas that let you bring your baby, theres quite a few in london

Sorry if I'm repeating what someone's already said, but have you tried the Meet Up section on here? Click on Talk, it's somewhere near the bottom of the list - some great people on there!

Hiya,

I just wanted to say that I feel exactly like you at the moment. i have just moved to a new area and don't know anyone. I am learning to drive (failed test last week ) and find it really hard to approach people, it just makes you feel like some sad git desperate for mates! At work I never had this problem but since having kids (one 2 and one aged 2 monthes) I have turned into a hermit.
P.s if there is anyone in the Runcorn area please contact me to maybe meet up x

hi pookyb - not sure if anyone in Runcorn but definitely plenty of us round Liverpool - have a look at the Liverpool meet-ups thread.

We're going to meet up at granmas play centre at Hunts Cross near the asda this Thursday morning if that's any good to you???

pookyb
my dh calls me billy no mates - you should move to london and we can be sad gits together

hi anyone in finchley? i just registered with this site! im 21 and have a little boy who is two in september.