So what *is* the right reason to have children?

[emkana]

Everybody seems to agree what the wrong reasons are - don't have them to fix a relationship, don't have them just because your friends are all having a baby...
But what is the right reason? I decided to have children because the time seemed right, our relationship had reached the point where it seemed the obvious next step, and also I really really wanted someone who would love me like nobody else and whom I would love like nobody else.
So were those the right or the wrong reasons?

Deffo the right ones. I had kids because having met my dh we just had to - the ultimate expression of our love, and the ability to make it last after we have gone.

I never wanted children until I met DH.,so probably for the same reasons as Poo2 gave.

I honestly don't know what made me want to have a baby. I had never been particularly maternal, had built a very good career, had lots of physical reasons not to - My disability is totally unknown, didn't know if I could cope with pregnancy, or if baby would inherit my probs-.

I had married aged 32, both of us knowing we didn't want kids. But by about 36 I was thinking "it'd be nice if it did happen". Talking with dh he felt the same.
I don't think it would have ruined our lives if I hadn't conceived, we wouldn't have gone for IVF or anything, but we stopped taking precautions, and a year later it happened.

Sorry drivvled on, but don't know really what the 'right reasons' are, other than you want the baby.

I decided to have a baby because I'd always wanted to have children but it had never been the 'right' time and realised I'd better find out if everything was in working order, IYSWIM. And because I love dh, and knew he'd make a fantastic dad. And because I wanted to continue my family and have someone to hand down all the family stories and traditions to (even if he is terribly bored by them, poor chap ). And mainly out of curiosity - to see what sort of person we might create!
Not sure if any of those are the 'right' reasons. Surely most of us who are lucky enough to be able to choose to have children do it, fundamentally, because we want to?

to get child benefit and a council house isn't it? no sorry its to indulge ones own self of importance - to have something to love, to compete with your parenting peers

I think family and peer pressure definitely come into it. It's that thing of being married for a year or two and then conforming sometimes. Also I suddenly got very broody and wanted a baby all of my own after cuddling new neice

custardo!

I didn't actually have a reason, other than a vague feeling of wanting a child.

serious broodiness and being in the right relationship

To start a new business in chimney sweeping?

lol scrummymummy!!!

scummy

Because I've always wanted children - always said from being a teenager that although I'd like to be successful career wise, the one thing I wanted above all else was my own family. I also said I'd choose to stay at home over going to work and I'm really glad I'm able to do that.

I think I just a maternal instinct plus I wanted to carry on the life I had I suppose. I had a fantastic childhood with happy parents, 2 fab brothers and we are all very close. I just wanted to create that again - do all the things with my children that I enjoyed like putting up the christmas tree, going on English beach holidays, playing games with Mum and Dad, getting the paddling pool out in summer!

Always just wanted to be happy and normal - nothing particularly special - not world leader, not fabulously wealthy.

ouch Custardo! Hope the written word is failing to put across a healthy dose of irony there.

I had kids for the same reasons as below - loving DH so much etc - but also had always known I wanted them. Once I met him, I didn't see the point in waiting any longer than necessary. I am a young mum with a degree from a great university, and I'd only been working 2 yrs when I got PG, but I wouldn't change a thing. I will go back to work when they are bigger and still have 30 yrs working life ahead of me [groan].

They are amazing. I guess I'm saying the reason to have children is not because you want something to love, someone to love you, or a conduit for your own ambitions, but simply because you know your ultimate purpose in life is to nurture and raise one (or two, or three, or more!) small part of the next generation.

Then they grow up, leave home, take all your money and never call... . So we'd better all be doing it for the most altruistic of reasons!

I had desperately wanted a baby since the age of 14. It was a complete overwhelming obsession. When I was 17 the 'opportunity' arose and I grabbed it. I guess I had a baby to fill in a space that was missing in my life, I needed to be needed. Probably not the right reasons, but I don't regret it for a minute.

I just started a similar thread, hadn't seen this one.

Should broodiness be allowed to overrule other logical thoughts. Thats what i'm trying to work out for trying for no. 2

I think it was easy to decide for no. 1 but seems so much scarier to do it again! Those of you who have more than one child, were you more nervous of labour second and third times round?

Hmmm, I think sobernow has a point. No matter how evolved and advanced we think we are, a lot of it comes down to biology and hormones, doesn't it? We, like every other animal, are programmed to procreate.

I had children because I had never imagined anything else; being a mum was what I wanted most. Once I was married, it seemed the obvious thing to do to complete the happy picture.

because i wanted something to love and adore that would love and adore me back and i wanted to do something right in my life that i could be proud of?

Well lets say that we never found that the time was "right", but one day the gynec. said it was now or never. My life would not be long enough to thank him for 'forcing' us to take the plunge. We would have missed so much without noticing.

Because it's part of the human experience. Like having sex or listening to music or the invention of literacy or chocolate. You can live without it and still be happy and fulfilled, but you're cutting out a chunk of human experience, for good or bad.

I don't think there is a right reason.

I had bean because I'm a bit useless with contraception but I'm so much happier with my life now. If I had waited until it was the 'right' time to have a child I don't think I would be doing as well at uni, I wouldn't have a nice house, I would still be smoking and drinking way too much and I wouldn't have the most amazing baby ever. I can't imagine life without him.

beansmum (sniff) that was lovely!

nearly made myself cry!