Experiences with a high needs baby? Any light at the end of the tunnel?

[Peaplant20]

I have what I am slowly coming to accept, a high needs baby. She screams and cries constantly, is very rarely content. She is 3 months old and I have tried everything under the sun and nothing has made a jot of difference - I breastfeed and am dairy, soy and egg free, baby is on the highest dose of reflux meds she can be on, I’ve tried cranial osteopathy, baby massage, infacol, gripe water, colief, making sure she gets enough sleep in 24 hours, making sure she gets play but isn’t over stimulated, walks in the day to get fresh air. Nothing has made even the slightest bit of difference. I’ve lost all hope that she will grow out of it as everyone kept saying it will get better at 6 weeks, then at 12 etc and there’s been not even slight improvement, in fact I think she cries more now than ever. She basically lives in the sling as it’s the only thing she’s content to do. I’ve been to the GP and HV many many times and they’ve said she is a well baby. Oh I’ve also tried teething products too.

Anyway I’m not looking for advice really as I think I’ve tried everything? I was just looking for anyone who’s been through the same to tell me it gets better or just to tell me they’re going through or went through the same so I feel less alone.

Thanks

Mine got easier as he was able interact with the world more, as a lot of it was just boredom I think. It happened incrementally but each developmental step seemed to coincide with him being a bit less grumpy. However, he did always need max stimulation and was never content just watching the world go by. At 7 he's now extremely bright, sparky, quite highly strung and has a superhuman amount of physical energy, and is loads of fun (although he still pushes our buttons a lot).

This was my daughter, even the health visitor commented on how unhappy she was and once a nurse commented she had never seen a baby cry and scream like my daughter did

I became completely convinced she didn’t like me and was destined for life as an unhappy & difficult character.

Anyway, she turned a corner at 6 months - within a few weeks she suddenly started sleeping longer stretches, smiling more, not screaming the moment I put her down. I really think it was because she gained a tiny bit of independence - being able to sit up, roll over & control her hand movements better so she could play with toys etc without getting so frustrated. I think bright babies tend to be quite miserable as their brain is ahead of their physical abilities.

Anyway now she’s 2, no SEN that I’m aware of and her nursery always comment on what a happy, confident and sociable little girl she is.

Sit tight, and try not to let the crying upset you - I know that’s easier said than done, it will get better.

Aww.
As you can see there are many mums who have been there and we are here to listen and hopefully able to reassure you.
Although I only have limited memories of my DS first 14 months due to the constant screaming and never sleeping! He is 12 now and doesn't leave his room very often, conversations are also very limited... 😉

DD1 was moderately high needs - didn’t scream all the time, just any time when she wasn’t being walked around on my shoulder looking at things. Absolutely would not entertain a sling due to lack of a view. She was refluxy and on the highest dose of meds (but trials ruled out allergies), permanently overtired because each nap only lasted 28 minutes and had to be in a moving buggy and so ridiculously alert that she got overstimulated just from a ten minute trip to Morrisons.

Improved literally overnight upon starting cruising at ten months (never crawled), then once she was walking at 11 months it was like she’d been replaced with a new baby. Is now a bright, loving and utterly hilarious 2.10 year old. Hasn’t napped for over a year, but sleeps well at night and is easy in every respect other than needing a lot of stimulation.

Her sister is ten weeks and not high needs so far, but also not a napper.

I don’t really have an advice but hopefully it will get better soon
On the other note - I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who’s sharing their stories. I often reread these threads when everything seems to be crashing around me. When you put your baby down for the nteeth time and they keep waking up and you just keep biting your lip not to scream…
When the whole world seems to be resting you feel like you’re the only one who’s tired, exhausted, miserable…
In those moments I always remember stories I read here and they make me feel so much better. Not because I compare my baby to others and think “ Thanks God, it’s not so bad with me”, but it gives me that reassuring and comforting feeling that “Hey, I’m not the only one in the world who feels like this or whose baby is just nothing but a devil.”
You know… It really calms me when you know there is at least one more person who knows exactly what it feels like. And there are hundreds and thousands of mothers who are doing exactly the same thing as you right know… That you are never alone. Sometimes I even crack the slightest smile.

So thank you everyone.

How’s babe’s feeding and weight gain?

Only reason I ask is my baby was described as high needs and had a lot of symptoms similar to your description and it turns out her tongue tie had reattached and she wasn’t transferring milk well so was never full and had a belly full of air.

Her weight gain had stagnated, she never settled at night or at all, constantly crying, chucked up loads, her feeds were long and really really frequently and then she started refusing feeds. As soon as he tt finally got resolved different baby, settled for naps, started giggling and playing and slept 6 hrs straight at night

🙌 my first had reflux, eczema, tongue tie and allergies. Absolute nightmare those early months. He was diagnosed with allergies at 6 months and I was already egg, dairy free. Tongue tie was confirmed at almost a year and it was pointless to snip at that age.

It will get better hang in there. My son is now 8, it started getting better once he could move and so much better when he started walking and talking. It will get better.x

@Peaplant20 I'm just wondering if things have gotten any better for you??
I have a 7 week old who I'm sure fits the same category.
Me and my OH count the times inthe day that DD isn't crying/screaming in minutes. We are very lucky if we clock up an hour across the whole day. The only times she isn't crying are when she's asleep (BF to sleep, in the sling or knocked herself out from crying) or nursing (as in, she has a boob in her mouth so can't cry?).
I just spend my day trying to stop her crying...

Please tell me it got a bit better!

@AJandCece hello! It did get better, not until about 5 months unfortunately, however this definitely was on the extreme end from speaking to a lot of people, it usually seems to improve around 12 weeks. It turned out she had a tongue tie and we got that cut and in a few weeks she was more content (but it could have been a coincidence?). Things slowly got better and even now at 18 months, every month is easier than the last. She is and always has been high needs but the non-stop crying did stop. She’s never been the kind of baby who will sit and chill but I would say she’s been a happy baby since about 5/6 months. She’s a total delight, hilarious and very sweet, and so much fun to be with
now, but there are things that have always been difficult like she doesn’t like being in the car or the pram etc. A silver lining is that whilst most people find things get harder once they start crawling and walking, things only seem easier for us as nothing will ever be as hard as those first few months! Have you tried all the common problems like allergies and reflux, tongue tie etc?

Thank you so so much for replying - I commented more in hope than expectation of a reply!

I feel like I can handle any level of tantrum or mischief in future considering all my energy just seems to go into stopping my little Love from crying. I can cope with one thing (car rides etx) being tough if we can just have some more content time during the day! The poor little thing just seems so unhappy all the time...

I don't think it's reflux/digestive because she doesn't just cry after feeds or show the usual symptoms. No obvious tongue tie but I'm going to have her checked for a more hidden one.
She is content for a few moments at a time and then will suddenly just switch to crying so much. It's always so hard to be at groups around happy babies lay on the floor playing while I pace around madly or feed her just to prevent a meltdown!

Thank you and I hope you and your little one are well x

Sounds like DD1, she had silent reflux and other gastric ailments so only slept in our arms or in the carrier for the first year (wouldn't even co-sleep, she had to be held), also loved being bounced on a fitness ball. We eventually paid for a private paediatrician who recommended switching her to oat milk (whole/barista) at 12 months, which definitely settled the reflux but other gastric issues only improved at 2 years old. Aside from the digestive stuff, I think she hated being a baby and I noticed a definite improvement in her mood every time she hit a milestone like crawling, walking and talking. She's now a delight at 3 years old, but the first year was brutal.

My baby was exactly like yours at 3 months. Became a bit better at 6 months, and completely happy at 8 months which coincided with sleep getting much better. Now 3 years old and happy and not high needs anymore.

Apparently my brother was like this, my mum says it was horrific. He improved as he became more " capable" and do more,ie could sit up, roll , grab things and hold toys etc and by the time he crawled and he was much better and quite happy. Don't know if it's connected but he turned out to be super intelligent ( gifted) and her theory is he just didn't like being a stationary baby and was desperate to investigate the world around him!

@TwistofFate Thank you so much for replying I keep reading that these Little Ones get more content as they reach milestones...I truly hope that's the case - it feels so hard just to lurch from one crying episode to the next with so little happy time between. Xoxo

@Cdl84 Thank you for your reply. I've seen some people mention slight improvements coming at 6 months-ish. I'm bracing myself for longer, but will hope for that!
Just want my poor little mite to be able to enjoy things! Xoxo

The thing that helped me the most was to stop trying to do what we were supposed to be doing. Just listen to your baby and do what she needs even if your family, friends, or the internet tell you that is not the proper way of parenting.

At one point my infant’s bedtime was midnight and we slept until 10am. Was bizarre, absolutely? Was she a much happier baby? Yes. Did my mental health improve drastically once I accepted that she needed a different sleep schedule for a bit? Definitely.

I can’t tell you exactly when it will get easier. Every child is different. It will get easier though.

dd eventually got an ASD diagnosis at age 9. She has the kind of presentation that isn’t life option limiting in any substantial way and has a bright future ahead of her. As an infant her sensory issues were just overwhelming for her and only mom could soothe her.

@Ponderingwindow Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. We abandoned all thoughts of occasional bottles and crib sleeping very quickly when we realised quite who our DD is! You're absolutely right.

I think I just need to know there is hope that her crying will subside eventually and she'll be able to enjoy things.
Xoxo

It definitely will. My own mother and father say I was awful as an infant. They used to take turns sleeping on the couch while they let me lay in the playpen watching late night television. It was the 70s and they were desperate for any rest they could get.

My ds was a high needs baby too. He grew out of it by about 1 when he could move about. Now he's 5 and is the chillest guy ever his little brother hits him he dosent care. Nothing phases him now. He was an easy toddler too

Hi there, a few years on but I wondered if you have had any improvements?! My daughter sounds exactly like yours at 7 weeks, and I am finding it incredibly hard and sad! I’m so worried she will struggle for a really long time, as she just seems so stressed and unhappy.

@AJandCece its a few years on but I wondered if you’d seen any improvement? My 7 week old daughter sounds exactly like yours. Moment of calm but generally so unhappy, I’m so worried she will just always be unhappy or stressed. It’s so hard and I’m struggling a lot.