I want to stop breastfeeding, my boob-monster is more boobie obsessed than ever. Help!

[YellsiBabs]

I have a just turned 2 year old. I have loved breastfeeding since we got over the initial hurdles and was delighted to make it to 1 year.

After 12 months, feed gradually decreased to just before sleep (nap and bedtime), it continued this way for months and months and I decided to continue until LO self weaned.

Self weaning never came, and as we approached the 2nd birthday I decided I really am ready to stop now. DH & I want to try to no2 next year and it would be nice to have my body to myself for just a little while before getting pregnant again.

However, as if they have sensed it’s going to be taken away soon, LO is now asking (demanding) boobie loads more, including mornings on wake up, throughout the day as well as the usual feeds before sleep times. It’s making me really anxious.

They’ve also started shouting boobie and pulling my top when we are in public, I really don’t like this and although I’m not ashamed at all, all my friends and family assume we’re finished BFing as they haven’t seen us do it in ages. I don’t want to BF a toddler in public or even at home outside of our normal routine of a feed before going into the cot for a sleep.

It’s really getting me down and making me anxious about stopping as they seem so attached.

I been offering food and drink instead when they demand “boobie, boobie” but most of the time, even after a good breakfast LO wants to snuggle on the sofa for a feed. We never did this since they turned 1 over a year ago so I don’t know why this is now expected.

We are travelling next week so I won’t be attempting to stop then as I don’t want tantrums or sleep problems when we are away but on our return I want to implement a phase out program and finally get this little boob monster finished with BFing.

Because I loved it so much and was so proud of how far we have come since the difficult beginning, I feel really sad to end it like this in a way that might be hard for both of us. I really thought they’d just self wean :-(

Far too much use of the word boobie 🤮

@EllieLondon5

Far too much use of the word boobie 🤮

THIS!

Useful and empathetic comment Ellie

OP I wonder if you can try distraction through play or even little rewards when she doesn't feed (sticker chart?) I think she's using it for comfort and closeness rather than nutrition so it probably won't matter how much food you offer instead

Sorry to hear you’re struggling. I haven’t got to this point yet as my little one is younger but I’ve seen a few things recommended in bf groups I’m part of.

You could try:
Offering cuddle instead of food/water when bf is requested if it’s about connection/ one to one attention.

Only feed in a certain place in the house

Singing a song whilst feeding then ending the feed when it’s over, then sing less and less before ending

Lots of distraction / keeping them too busy to ask. Getting out and about.

Hope some of that helps. I’m sorry some other posters have been so rude to you.

Ignore those nasty posts about the words you choose to use OP. I get what you are going through but if you do want to stop now then I think you will have to say no to feeds as children don't always naturally self wean until much older. Can your DH help by taking dc for a few days at the times you would usually feed and maybe giving them a nice treat and doing something fun together. Dc will probably still ask for it but try to distract them and just keep calmly saying no.

I'm in the same boat. Stopped feeding DD at 2 as she was only down to one feed in the evening but Ds has now turned 2 and he is obsessed, same as your situation.

My plan is to go out and buy a special cup for him with some horrible character on it for his 'big boy cup'. Spend 2 weeks standing up so I can't be attacked and hope it eases up. Night times are the worst as I am lazy and just want sleep so feed just to get him back to sleep asap. I'll have to bite the bullet at some point and spend a week with him crying at night while I hold him. He does SCREAM at night though so may have to warn the neighbours!

If you find saying no hard, say later. I think your LO is associating bf with comfort rather than food too.
Maybe start with dropping the feed before bedtime, but this will only work if you are completely out of the picture. Can Dad do bedtimes for several days to break the habit? High necked tops and lots of distraction at other times.

Maybe they are not feeling quite so well and that's why it's increased? I'd be inclined to just go with it until your back from your trip and then you need to decide how to do it.

I think the "don't offer, don't refuse" worked well for me. And I introduced a sippy cup of cosy milk at bedtime whilst doing the bedtime stories. And that actually was accepted very well.

Morning feeds stopped when he started going to nursery and my husband just got DS up in the morning and took him straight there, so no chance of a BF. That became normal fairly fast and I could then help in the mornings.

It's a rollercoaster of emotions is breastfeeding!

God I'm in this boat too but my DD is a bit older. DD1 loved boobie too. But I had DD2 and she reluctantly accepted the milk was for the baby.

I'm just going to organise a weekend away and then tell her no more milk as I'm over the constant groping, twiddling, kicking in the face...and (cover your ears Ellie) boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie!

Can you go cold turkey and just refuse OP? The tantrums will pass if you are consistent. Is there anything else that could be offered as a substitute instead for going to sleep - eg, special new soft toy to cuddle. Can your DH do bedtimes (and naps during the weekend) so you simply aren’t there to breastfeed?

I'm in this boat too, DD age 20 months. Can't wait to stop, she is full on. The hand up my top, into the bra and pinching is the worst thing. I had the same with DS. The more I tried to reduce the more he asked, however around this age he would sleep through and so it didn't go on all night too. DD wakes up 5-6 times a night still and is quite chunky for it. She has seemed to have had a constant cold since DS went back to school and started chewing a lot of random things so maybe it's the second molars rumbling for her and could be for your DD too?

I have no advice, I just stopped with DS, picked a date and that was it. I did "don't offer don't refuse" with DS for months before stopping, but lots of asking happened. But I refused in public and do for DD too. But I will offer at bedtime to get to sleep.

It's tough, I have loved breastfeeding, but I do feel that for me at 18 months I seem to hit the wall with it. But then to feed until 2 is recommended if you can. I also feel I should do the same for DD as DS, maybe that's silly so will aim to stop at 2, well maybe 23 months just before Christmas, as she starts nursery in Jan.

This is a very familiar story. It's not easy. I would try distraction, don't offer, don't refuse, and what helped for me was saying, "ok, a tiny bit", and stopping them after 5 seconds! A compromise I suppose 😄 Good luck

@EllieLondon5 and @LukeEvansWife, how do you think shaming a woman who is talking about breastfeeding her child makes you look? I think it makes you look like infantile playground bullies myself. If her and her LO use the word boobie (as me and my little girl does), then who are you to judge that? This should be a safe place for women, so please either be constructive, or stay quiet

If I hadn't cut DS2 off cold turkey I think he'd still be feeding, I was so fed up. He was nearly 3 and I'd kept hoping he'd wean himself off but he showed absolutely no signs of it!

I have no advice, only sympathy! It wasn't a food thing as much as a comfort thing. I kept doing the whole "you're getting so big, nearly all gone!" before I stopped to try to prepare him.

Don’t offer, don’t refuse is the child friendly way of withdrawal.

My way was don’t offer, refuse often using whatever techniques I could until we reached the end of it. Toddler feeding was not my favourite parenting time. It passes though.

Toddlers can get the most frustrating whims sometimes while they're figuring things out.

With my younger two, it got a stage of hurting from what I in hindsight know was me being physically tapped. I really needed to limit how much they fed and speed up them going to other things for comfort. I would use "later" - sometimes I would just openly tell them "my chest is sore right now and needs a rest" and either give other options of what we could do or ask what else they would like to do. This worked most of the time without upset, and I found within a couple months they were pretty much done (though they both then went through a phase of being obsessed with squishing my stomach, so my body wasn't entire mine yet, but it was so much better)

For the grabbiness, I'd hold their hands and tell them "that's my shirt/chest" and what they needed to do instead, sometimes having to hold their hands for a while if they got upset about it.

Harsh as it sounds we eventually went cold turkey at well over 2 years old, she had no inclination whatsoever to stop and was so big and strong that it hurt to have her clambering all over me and pinching.

A few tears and tantrums but only for a couple of days.

I miss it, but I miss how it was when she was smaller, feeding a giant strong toddler just isn't very pleasant!

I'm on the brink of going cold turkey with my 21 month old ds. Don't offer don't refuse has been useless because he just asks constantly. It's a big comfort thing, day and night so I've been very reluctant to bite this bullet. But he only feeds from one side now and it is agony to keep feeding since he bit me a while back. I think we'll have to just push through a few tricky days and long nights and hope it will be worth it...

Far too much use of the word boobie 🤮

It gives me the ick too but my 2 year old can’t say “breastfeeding” unfortunately

Thanks everyone for the helpful advice and comments of support. My DH took LO out today and as soon as they were back it was “boobie, boobie!” I feel like I’m nothing to a walking pair of tits!!!

I’m baffled as to why for so long (like 6 months or more) we were both happy with the 2 feeds (nap time & bedtime) until now it’s constant demands for it. But as another poster suggested, perhaps LO is not 100% as hasn’t been eating as much as usual and is clingier with both me and DH.

I’m going to wait until after our trip and then really try to cut down on the additional feeds, so at least we’re back to the baseline 2 per day that was manageable. From there, as a PP suggested I’m going to introduce a new Big Boy cup of milk for bedtime. Thing is, LO has never been massive on cows milk.. will have it in cereal but never been one to sit and guzzle a cosy bottle, so there’s no real comfort element to it. But will try. Also like the suggestion of high neck tops and standing up more.

Thanks again. Also glad to see how many people have BF to 2 and beyond. I’ve felt a bit embarrassed about it and although proud of our achievement it’s not something I want to do in public, or continue … as PP said it’s lovely when they’re little but when they’re heavy, strong and basically wrestling you not so much.

@Dragonpox Sounds very similar to mine except for the night waking. Could you try cutting the day feeds and using the special cup, but continue night feeds and eventually he’ll sleep through. It really was the magic trick in settling my LO during the night and always my go-to, don’t think I could ever not have it in my arsenal. Luckily mine sleeps 7-7 now (touch wood that doesn’t jinx it!)

I'm in the exact position! I'm curious to know after such time has passed, please is there hope?x

@Tiddybiddy247 you have resurrected an old thread of mine, but ironically I’m in the exact same position with baby number 2

What happened with the first please? Mine just turned 2 and I'm so ready to stop but he asks for boobie constantly and I'm not getting anywhere with 'gentle' approaches. Did your first eventually stop? How did it go?

@Tiddybiddy247 He did stop around 2 & 1/2 yo. I resorted to putting plasters over my nips and telling him they were sore, so he just cuddled up to me instead to drift off to sleep. I tried this also with my next baby (now 2y3m) and he quite simply DGAF so I delegated bedtimes to DH which got him off the bedtime feeds but he still wakes throughout the night and my only method of getting him back to sleep is to boob him. I know what I have to do - suck it up and send DH in for a few awful nights of crying and broken sleep for our whole family (and probably the neighbours!) - but I can’t face this yet. There was quite a lot of helpful advice up thread.