What's your #1 piece of advice for a mum to be...

[itswinetimealready]

I'd love to hear all your snippets of wisdom; things you learned in the first few months, things a new mum should know that the books don't tell you, unexpected things that happened..

Any golden nuggets of advice to help ease a mum to be into motherhood!

Don't fall for pressure by others. I was pressured to potty train my son probably a year before he was ready and he fought me every step of the way. I hate the stress I put us both through just to try to keep up with boasting mothers out there. Also, I didn't want my child to attend nursery and the only baby clubs were on the days I was working, so my child never mixed with other kids until pre-school. Big mistake... nurseries don't just look after kids, they also assess them for developmental delays. I had no idea my son had additional needs, as it wasn't obvious until he was surrounded by other kids and the professionals.

@honkytonkheroe

Don’t be too precious. I read a very long post on people saying “when can I see the baby”. About how hormones are plummeting, mum’s have just given birth, they’re bleeding, has stretchmarks, acne, blurry vision, dry eyes etc etc”. I read it and wondered what the drama is about. When I had my children I was happy to see people and only close friends and family presumable would ask to see the baby. I clicked on the comments expecting people to say the same, but there were a lot of comments agreeing. Therefore, all I can say is, don’t be like that. Don’t act like pregnancy and child birth are an illness. People are in hospital being treated for cancer and receiving visitors so why would a perfectly healthy woman with a healthy baby not?

That aside, I would say, just remember that everything passes - feeding in the night, 5am wake ups etc. Whatever stage it was, I found that I invested lots of time into sorting out the problem, nothing really worked, and then over time, things just naturally changed. So I’d just say, not to worry too much. Don’t be worried that anything is setting you up for problems because everything can be put right. For example, if you give a dummy you can totally take this away at a later date when you want to but if it makes life easier at the time, then I’d so to go for it.

But if you do feel like you’re not ready for visitors, don’t feel bad. PND, anxiety, just feeling extremely tired and not wanting to have to muster the energy to converse or feeling overwhelmed - these are all valid reasons to want a bit of space in the days and weeks after your baby is born. Yes, many people feel happy to receive visitors from the off. Others might want to take time for any of the above reasons. Don’t beat yourself up if that’s how you feel.

Make sure other people who are at all likely to be in charge of the baby, as in not just you and DH, know how to fold/unfold the buggy, and any other bits of kit that they'll use.

We did not do this before our wedding (DS was three months old) and thus have an absolutely hysterical bit of video from our wedding photographer of my mum, sisters, bridesmaids, assorted aunts and uncles and the driver of the second car trying to get the thing folded down, my dad and I having just been obliviously whisked away.

They ended up phoning my mother-in-law to get instructions from the cousin who'd given us the pram 🤦🏻‍♀️

Try to enjoy it, take photos, you are about to have the fastest couple of years of your life. Their first birthday will arrive and you'll think where did the last year go!

Advice doesn't need to be acted on.

If you want to breastfeed learn as much as possible before the baby comes. It’s natural like walking, not like breathing, you have to learn how to do it (and so does baby) following IBCLCs on social media is a good start as they’ll often share links to things about common issues.

Lower your standards about cleanliness / cooking etc. Cleanish is fine. Easy meals are fine. Don’t make life harder than it needs to be, it will be different with a baby and that’s ok.

Read up on the fourth trimester and normal baby sleep so you know what to expect. Durham uni and basis have a good video that’s on YouTube. Having realistic expectations will make you less stressed out.

Parent the child you have, not the one you expected to have. They’re all different and different things will work for different babies. The baby hasn’t read the books.

Try not to get into competitive tiredness with your partner. It won’t help. Accept that they may do things differently to you. As long as it’s not dangerous don’t back seat baby. Let them find their own way.