2 year old eating literally nothing

[yellowmuma]

I’m at my wits end here! My 2 year old throws EVERY meal on the floor, meaning he eats literally nothing. He picks veg out of food and eats that but the rest goes on the floor. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I explain to him that we don’t throw food on the floor, we eat it and things like that, the only thing he’ll really eat is fruit loaf with jam on. And fruit and veg. He loves water and drinks plenty of milk, he eats a lot of yoghurt too.

I make home cooked meals most of the time, I try and make things he likes, but he still refuses it and chucks it. I made him omelette for breakfast this morning, he’s not eaten any of it. When I make sandwiches for his lunch he pulls them apart and abandons them and doesn’t eat. Is it just an age thing? Am I a crap parent?!

Please share some tips and ideas of different meals I can try!

Do you keep his food separate? My child likes her food separated a lot of the time.

Give him one piece at a time?

Ask if he wants his fruit first or his ham. Then he can choose and have some agency. Also, if he is less hungry when presented with the 'strange' food, he might be more receptive to looking at it/feeling it/exploring it

You're not a crap parent. Far from it.

2 yr old push boundaries they also feed off others emotions.

He may be doing a combination of both. He may display that behaviour because he can feel your anxiety. He also may be pushing it as far as he can go.

He's having a good diet by the sounds of it. So don't fret. What happens when he doesn't eat ? Do you give him yogurt and milk later on which fills him up ?

Take it right back. Don't give him a whole plate of food just a few bits at a time. If he refuses to eat that's fine but don't give him anything else. Then try again in 5 mins and repeat. Give him some of the least liked food but still liked first. Eg pasta before veg.

But let him feel hunger. He has worked out how far he can push you.

Sit with him at meals right in front of him. Talk about anything else but food. Have a car or something on the table to distract him. If he doesn't eat don't worry. Just revisit in a few mins and keep going until a good chunk has been eaten.

Just steam some individual veggies and pop them loose on a plate. Add a few cubes of cheese or chunks of bread and basically ignore the food. Sit and eat yours, even shove a cartoon on if it helps, and just give yourselves 20mins sat there. Whatever he doesn't eat at the end gets put away and down he gets.

How much milk is he having? He could be filling up on that.

@fuzzymoon

You're not a crap parent. Far from it.

2 yr old push boundaries they also feed off others emotions.

He may be doing a combination of both. He may display that behaviour because he can feel your anxiety. He also may be pushing it as far as he can go.

He's having a good diet by the sounds of it. So don't fret. What happens when he doesn't eat ? Do you give him yogurt and milk later on which fills him up ?

Take it right back. Don't give him a whole plate of food just a few bits at a time. If he refuses to eat that's fine but don't give him anything else. Then try again in 5 mins and repeat. Give him some of the least liked food but still liked first. Eg pasta before veg.

But let him feel hunger. He has worked out how far he can push you.

Sit with him at meals right in front of him. Talk about anything else but food. Have a car or something on the table to distract him. If he doesn't eat don't worry. Just revisit in a few mins and keep going until a good chunk has been eaten.

If he doesn’t eat I tend to offer something I think he might really enjoy (not sure if that’s right but 🤷‍♀️) if he still doesn’t want that I will give him a bit more milk than usual.

He knows he shouldn’t throw his food on the floor because he laughs when he does it a lot of the time. I will try giving him bits at a time. He loves his veg so I could offer that last, as when I give him a plate with everything on he’ll eat the veg and leave the rest!

That's not "literally nothing" though? He's eating veg, fruit, and yoghurt. Oh and fruit bread. It's not great but it's hardly a starvation diet

Just keep on doing what you're doing. He will get the idea! And if he's having milk, cut down on it so he's actually hungry.

@CutsOffCorners

That's not "literally nothing" though? He's eating veg, fruit, and yoghurt. Oh and fruit bread. It's not great but it's hardly a starvation diet

Just keep on doing what you're doing. He will get the idea! And if he's having milk, cut down on it so he's actually hungry.

I know it’s not a starvation diet jeez. Just doesn’t feel like much to me. I’ll try giving him a bit less milk in the mornings!

@Rainallnight

How much milk is he having? He could be filling up on that.

8oz morning 8oz night!

There's a huge difference between 'literally nothing' (which would obviously be a concern) and then what you've described. I know you've said 'jeez' to another poster who pointed that out, but it's honestly a really important difference.

If a child was eating/drinking nothing, that would medically be a huge cause for concern.

If, however, there are things he will eat - and he's drinking plenty of milk as well - then he's getting his energy so it's much less of a concern.

If he eats veggies and enjoy them that's great! In fact I know of many parents who would be envious. Give him a nice plate of his favourite veggies.

Throwing food isn't exactly uncommon but obviously frustrating. They're just exploring their new found freedom to handle their own food and choose what goes into their mouths, rather than just being spoon fed.

Experiment with lots of different things, give him things you know he'll eat. Don't fill him up on milk before his dinner to make sure he's hungry for what you're giving him, but then if you're not happy with how much he's eating, give him some a bit later on.

Also remember how little he is, and how much less he needs to eat than you. I know that might sound obvious, but I know a couple of people who've genuinely worried that their small children haven't been eating much, but their portion sizes were huge so it looked like they'd left lots when they'd actually eaten enough.

If he is throwing food and laughing then it's just attention seeking. Just ignore it and distract with something else / leave the food on the floor after it's been thrown.

"If he doesn’t eat I tend to offer something I think he might really enjoy (not sure if that’s right but 🤷‍♀️) if he still doesn’t want that I will give him a bit more milk than usual."

(sorry - not sure how to quote another post)

It sounds like he is waiting for a better offer or for one of his favourite foods. My DD used to do this too and so we stopped offering alternatives. She soon learnt that she would go hungry for a little while if she didn't at least try to eat what was on offer.

Do you eat the food with your son? My DD is much more interested in eating if we share a bowl and I eat some of the food first.

Also, be careful not to give him too much milk each day. The recommended limit is 500ml (please double-check if the limit is different for a 2 year old) to prevent an iron deficiency.

'If he doesn’t eat I tend to offer something I think he might really enjoy (not sure if that’s right but 🤷‍♀️) if he still doesn’t want that I will give him a bit more milk than usual.'

You need to separate this from him throwing good on the floor. Otherwise you are training him to expect mummy will cough up the good stuff if he rejects enough options. Hunger is no fun for either of you but though you don't think of it that way, it is ultimately rewarding his persistence in rejection.

I would cut down the milk to about 10oz.

Toddler portion sizes are way less than I expected, ill try and find a link...

www.nhsaaa.net/media/1857/20170301portres.pdf

Sorry I see someone else has made that point.
If it is any consolation I hated the twos for this reason, even without mischievous good throwing every meal is utter carnage and mess. I despaired sometimes and hated it. It gradually improved until it was a faded memory thankfully, but for that reason it is hands down my least favourite age.
I think it is useful to let them put themselves into hunger occasionally, though they behave better when they aren't hungry, and we all want that, it is just another consequence they need to learn, you saving him from himself isn't helpful in the long run.

Is his milk in a cup or a bottle? It seems like he might be filled up on milk.

My 2 year old does that on a regular basis. It really varies.
Some days he eats everything, other he's picky, throws it on the floor or refuses to eat and goes straight to the fridge demanding his favorite yogurt.
Going to nursery helps a lot as I think he feels a little peer pressure and gets used to eating more ingredients. At home, particularly when he's staying for longer period of times like the Christmas holidays, he knows he has access to all the food he likes (of course we say no or we try to hide it and offer other food etc) and why should he eat what I want him to it?

I am not particularly worried as I know it will pass. But one suggestion that works for my son is to get him to do a lot of exercise. Then he would eat anything!

I would do what is called "family style" meals, put the food in bowls on the table and everyone serves themselves what they want to eat, without any cajoling or nagging. If he has a bit more control and autonomy, he might want to eat more.

That seems like quite a lot of milk for a two year old. Is it in a bottle or cup? Mine just has 4oz at night, and rarely drinks all of that.

It's he joined at mealtimes or always eat separately? I think it helps if behaviour is modelled, so you eat together, any food he throws is ignored, all bad behaviour ignored (turn your face away if need be), all good behaviour is accompanied with attention, chat (this is sometimes tedious and obviously it is a different chat to one you would have everything a grown up, but look at it as an investment talk to him about anything, what you did that morning, suggestions for afternoon activity, even read a story) etc until you are both finished, then clear everything away. The key is to not show upset or strong emotional reaction to the games he plays, in your head it is a non-event, even boring, two year olds love a reaction, is exciting for them to see they have that kind of power, and it isn't manipulative, is just normal development for then to discover they can pull your strings.
Personally I would never use toys at the table because they become ransom objects where they won't eat until they have a toy, toys get driven through the food etc it's just a different problem.
I found a booster so they could sit at the table with you worked better than a high chair that kept them at a distance.
Oh and a shower curtain under their seat helps keep your blood pressure down cos you can just pick the 4 corners up and drop it all in the bin and wipe down. Anything so you can stay calm is good.

Yes, cut down the milk to 5oz morning and 5oz evening. Thats it.
Allocate 25 minutes of time for each meal. If food is not eaten in this time do not extend the mealtime or offer alternatives.
Finish the meal and all associations round eating after 25 mins.

Don't get emotionally invested or let him see or hear a tone of voice that might suggest you are upset he hasnt eaten.

As PP s have suggested, offer options such as " ham first or vegetables?". No more than one choice at a time.

Only give water to drink in between meals, not jiuce or milk.

Snacks can vary between food he actively likes like fruit bread or foods he is not so keen on. But only provide that one type of food as a snack, at a time, no option at snack time, otherwise he will learn to hold out for his snack time fruit bread.

He will learn to eat when he is hungry. It'll take time and patience and remember, NO emotion apart from breezy cheeriness!

Maybe in his mind it's a choice and the way to make the choice is to throw the food away to get the other option. He won't be going hungry, he is probably not that hungry so he is happy to wait for his favourite.
A bit like you might not be hungry after dinner but you'd be happy to have a bit of cake if it's there.
Perhaps try offering two things, putting them in his view and offering them both at the same time, then if he rejects both don't produce anything else, and if he is sure he genuinely doesn't want either then he can get down. Then the next food is his next snack in a couple of hours. Yes he will get hungry before that, and hungry is difficult to deal with for a toddler, but it's a genuine consequence and you will be sure to give him something at snack time.
It's very hard for someone to judge someone else's amount of food and it is likely to look like not a lot, but trust him to eat when he's hungry.
Our son will even pick things off the ground to eat if he is hungry, but sometimes he refuses things at the table if he thinks he has a beck up option available, so we try too avoid that.
Good luck, and it's tough i know!

Hi any updates on your baby ? ☺️

As you've been advised on countless other threads, you really need to get some help with your anxiety and start spending some time with other parents and babies so you get more of a feel for the wide range of "typical" development.

You certainly don't need to be obsessively reading threads from nearly 4 years ago, it's just not going to help your anxiety at all.

I know it's against current advice of presenting all the food at the same time, but I think you might find it works.

Give him the pasta/bread/omlette whatever it is you want him to eat first. Tell him 'two mouthfuls then you can have your veggies' then give the veggies. That way you know he's covered all food groups. He can understand this at 2.

Hopefully he'll get used to a range of foods that way. Also if he throws the food take his bowl away. Even if you see him go to throw it, take it right away. Don't offer an alternative untill he has tried the food you want him to. He doesn't have to eat a lot of it, just try it.