Do women really prefer daughters??
zebra · 25/09/2002 14:21
After the news item on the front page of mumsnet. [But I can't get to it because I can't seem to log in (I have 7 email addresses & 5 usual passwords, and can't face trying all the combos).]
Anyway, we have the only girl on DH's side of the family (5 boys and 2 more on the way). Honestly I just want 'em healthy, but some friends have told me how much they really wanted a DD and it gives me the creeps.
[Part of the situation for me is I had a dreadful relationship with my mother who always wanted with me the relationship she didn't have with her own mother.]
And plenty of moms have told me that girls are sulkier as teens.
Why the obsession with DDs?
What's wrong with boys?
Bumblelion · 25/09/2002 14:26
I cannot say whether I prefer either. I have girl, boy and then girl and would not change any of them.
When my son was born, the midwife in the labour ward asked if I had any other children and I said yes, a girl. She said "you don't want any more then" and I said "actually, I do" - I always wanted three. She said I was the only woman she knew that had just given birth, had one of each and still wanted another.
I think that if I didn't have any girls, then obviously I would want one (although there is no chance of me having any more - gained a baby, lost a husband!).
I would also say that I would not be without my son. He is 5 and is so affectionate, considerate, loving, thoughtful, sensitive and emotional (a bit too much of all of those things really - gets upset very easily, especially if he thinks he has hurt anyone's feelings).
I think there are differences between girls and boys (and not just in the obvious sense).
I find girls are more whingy (my eldest one anyway) whereas boys are definitely more boisterous and naughty (although fun with it).
Joe1 · 25/09/2002 14:28
Zebra, I am expecting No2 any day and really dont mind what I have. People seem to think because I already have a little boy that I must want a little girl, but I dont mind. I love having a little boy and will probably find it funny having a girl to start with. Yeah Ive got girls stuff of mine but if I have all boys they will always just be mine and be packed away. We decided to have children not a sex.
Azzie · 25/09/2002 14:34
First pg I desperately wanted a boy, not a girl (although I didn't ever admit this to anyone else). When ds was born I was soooo relieved. I felt I knew what to do with a boy - I was very much a tomboy when I was little, and seem to have spent a lot of the rest of my life enjoying hobbies which are more traditionally male (and no, I am not a trainspotter ). I also have/had issues with some of the things I went through as a child because I was a girl and not a boy. I felt I would have no idea how to deal with a 'girly' little girl. Funnily enough, when I was pg the 2nd time I had no preference at all. Luckily so far dd is not a very 'girly' girl, and I'm really enjoying having one child of each sex. I have to say that ds is a far more straightforward character to deal with than dd though - don't know it this is a boy/girl thing or not.
belorimi · 25/09/2002 14:44
i must admit that when i fell pg with my second child i was hoping for a girl. my son was a handful when he was a toddler, so maybe this was the reason. he has turned into a lovely young lad, though is due to turn into'kevin'in a couple of months so maybe i'll change my mind. my second child was a girl and boy, is she hard work. hence the reason i stopped at two.
Scatterbrain · 25/09/2002 15:13
Well - IME it's absolutely spot-on.
I really really wanted a little girl - not sure why, maybe it's the "dolly thing" - I certainly love dressing DD up and buying her clothes, or maybe it's the "friend" thing.
All my antenatal friends also wanted girls and almost all had boys - most are now pg with their seconds and ALL want a girl this time round.
If I ever have another I'd prefer a girl again - well I know how girls things work I guess, whereas the whole willy thing is a bit of an unknown quantity - you know - sporadic weeing in my face etc....
However, boys are meant to be more loving and straightforward - sorry, can't explain it - I just prefer girls ! Maybe girlie mums want girls and tomboy mums want boys - maybe ?
SueDonim · 25/09/2002 16:24
I didn't want a girl at all to begin with. I wanted and had two DS's first and just loved having boys. When I had my first DD I cried because I was so scared of her and didn't know what on earth I was going to do with her. Next day the hormones kicked in and - "wow, our own princess" - and we never looked back. When it came to baby No4, I was desperate for another DD and cried (again) when my amnio result told us we would have a girl.
Looking back, I'm sure my 'anti-girl' thing was because my mum always preferred boys and made me feel that girls were inferior. But now, I know beter. Girls and boys each have their drawbacks and blessings and I wouldn't change a thing!
Monnie · 25/09/2002 16:24
I really wanted a boy and got DS.
Now I have him, I don't mind what I have next (although next would hopefully not be before 2004!)
Agree with you, Scatterbrain, about the possible 'girly mum, tomboy mum' thing.
I'm defo not girly and I can honestly say that's one of the reasons why I so wanted a boy first time round.
However, I'm sure that if I had a girl, then I could adapt (as long as I didn't have to talk about Barbie all day!lol)
bells2 · 25/09/2002 16:56
I was like Suedonim, really really wanted another boy second time around and was actively disappointed when I was told it was a girl. Then after around 12 hours I fell head over heels in love with her and spent the next few months manically dressing her in pink and just worshipping her. My husband thought I had gone mad.
parent · 25/09/2002 17:00
My first child is a boy. I just knew I was having a boy all way through my pregnancy. When I was expecting my second again I was 100% it was a boy. To my utter amazement I was wrong and we had a girl. The reason why I was 100% sure was that my husband is one of five boys, and most of his brother kids are boys. A month after I was still shocked.I have been told that boys are much more loving than girls.Which I must say is the case for my boy. My daughter only four months old so I cant really tell whether this is the case yet.
ExpatKat · 25/09/2002 17:20
I was actually heartened by that news item because almost all the women I know seem to want boys. I was beginning to think no one wanted girls--and that was getting me down, making me think that girls get off to an awfully bad start in our society, not quite wanted/valued even from the start. So it's great to hear such enthusiasm for girls. (Yay girls! )
Demented · 25/09/2002 17:59
When pg with DS1 I wanted a boy and was quite pleased to get one. I always felt when it came to having no 2 I would actually prefer another boy. However once I was pg with no2 and everyone started saying, "oh you'll be wanting a wee girl now", I started to think, it would be nice, one of each. We decided to find out at the scan, by this time I was sure it was a girl as the pregancy felt very different. I must admit to feeling slightly disappointed when the scan revealed he was a boy, mostly because others had put the idea into my head that this would be what I would want. Now he is here I wouldn't swap him. My feelings at the moment are that if I were to get away with having no3 I would be quite happy with another boy but no doubt if I was pregnant again I would start to think about having a girl. In the end it wouldn't matter.
PS If I had a girl she would spend most of her life dressed in dungarees (DS1 and 2's cast-offs). Never been a big fan of real girly, girly clothes.
prufrock · 25/09/2002 18:04
I must admit that I was dissapointed when we found out at the scan that dd was a girl. But this wasn't because I had a preference (honestly), but because I knew dh wanted a boy as he had admitted he didn't know what to do with girls. Now he is absolutely in love with her. On the subject of clothes - whenever dh gets dd dressed she ends up in all teh pretty pink outfits that various people have bought her. When I dress her or buy clothes its funky jeans and primary colours all the way!
Tinker · 25/09/2002 18:33
I was keen for a boy when I was pregnant just because I was an awful daughter. However, was talking about this subject with friends a few months ago - agreed that much as we'd have loved a boy (one did have) would HATE to have been without a girl. Not sure why exactly and, yes Enid, it may be down to stereotyping but...
...I do feel I know more what to do with a girl. Being a completely non-sporty (except watching football) person, I wouldn't have wanted to get involved in boys activities - and I would have had to since I am on my own. Now, however, I would love a boy, purely to appreciate the difference.
Scatterbrain · 25/09/2002 18:56
Hmm Enid, are you accusing me of stereotyping
I'm just saying what I think - if I'm a stereotype fair enough - but I'm not commenting on others ! That would be rude !
BTW - many of dd's pink things are dungarees and trendy clothes - we're not talking lace and frills - anyway, it's my choice and I don't make it to please anyone but me !
Can now see why people leave threads in a huff as I feel most offended at Enid's post !
Chinchilla · 25/09/2002 18:59
I wanted a boy, although wouldn't admit how much even to myself, because I did not get on with my mum until I left home. My early life was not good, but that is another story...maybe on another thread one day!
I convinced myself that I was carrying a girl, so that I would feel good if it was one. However, when they said the words 'it's a boy', I broke down with happiness. I like to think that I WOULD have loved a girl if I had had one, and knowing how much I love my son, I feel motherly enough to love a girl too. However, I would like another boy, if I was given a choice!
And, no, I am not a tomboy, and never was. I did not like dolls, but loved clothes and makeup etc. So I don't agree with the theory, sorry. My sil wanted boys, and she is not a tomboy either.
bundle · 25/09/2002 19:02
both me & dh wanted a girl..and got one. she's hardly ever in skirts..but a number of her clothes are pink (of the bright, fuchsia kind, not babypink). dh desperate for another girl, but I'm not so bothered this time. I suppose I thought I 'knew' what girls were about, being one myself and having just one sister. not many boy cousins, just lots of chatty girls in our family
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