Do women really prefer daughters??

[zebra]

After the news item on the front page of mumsnet. [But I can't get to it because I can't seem to log in (I have 7 email addresses & 5 usual passwords, and can't face trying all the combos).]

Anyway, we have the only girl on DH's side of the family (5 boys and 2 more on the way). Honestly I just want 'em healthy, but some friends have told me how much they really wanted a DD and it gives me the creeps.

[Part of the situation for me is I had a dreadful relationship with my mother who always wanted with me the relationship she didn't have with her own mother.]

And plenty of moms have told me that girls are sulkier as teens.

Why the obsession with DDs?
What's wrong with boys?

[Bumblelion]

I cannot say whether I prefer either. I have girl, boy and then girl and would not change any of them.

When my son was born, the midwife in the labour ward asked if I had any other children and I said yes, a girl. She said "you don't want any more then" and I said "actually, I do" - I always wanted three. She said I was the only woman she knew that had just given birth, had one of each and still wanted another.

I think that if I didn't have any girls, then obviously I would want one (although there is no chance of me having any more - gained a baby, lost a husband!).

I would also say that I would not be without my son. He is 5 and is so affectionate, considerate, loving, thoughtful, sensitive and emotional (a bit too much of all of those things really - gets upset very easily, especially if he thinks he has hurt anyone's feelings).

I think there are differences between girls and boys (and not just in the obvious sense).

I find girls are more whingy (my eldest one anyway) whereas boys are definitely more boisterous and naughty (although fun with it).

[Joe1]

Zebra, I am expecting No2 any day and really dont mind what I have. People seem to think because I already have a little boy that I must want a little girl, but I dont mind. I love having a little boy and will probably find it funny having a girl to start with. Yeah Ive got girls stuff of mine but if I have all boys they will always just be mine and be packed away. We decided to have children not a sex.

[Azzie]

First pg I desperately wanted a boy, not a girl (although I didn't ever admit this to anyone else). When ds was born I was soooo relieved. I felt I knew what to do with a boy - I was very much a tomboy when I was little, and seem to have spent a lot of the rest of my life enjoying hobbies which are more traditionally male (and no, I am not a trainspotter ). I also have/had issues with some of the things I went through as a child because I was a girl and not a boy. I felt I would have no idea how to deal with a 'girly' little girl. Funnily enough, when I was pg the 2nd time I had no preference at all. Luckily so far dd is not a very 'girly' girl, and I'm really enjoying having one child of each sex. I have to say that ds is a far more straightforward character to deal with than dd though - don't know it this is a boy/girl thing or not.

[Bumblelion]

Joe1, that is my sentiment exactly. When I fell pregnant with my third child, it was because I wanted a third child and not either a girl or a boy.

[Azzie]

Bumblelion, your ds sounds just like mine. I wouldn't be without him for the world, for all the boisterousness.

[belorimi]

i must admit that when i fell pg with my second child i was hoping for a girl. my son was a handful when he was a toddler, so maybe this was the reason. he has turned into a lovely young lad, though is due to turn into'kevin'in a couple of months so maybe i'll change my mind. my second child was a girl and boy, is she hard work. hence the reason i stopped at two.

[Scatterbrain]

Well - IME it's absolutely spot-on.

I really really wanted a little girl - not sure why, maybe it's the "dolly thing" - I certainly love dressing DD up and buying her clothes, or maybe it's the "friend" thing.

All my antenatal friends also wanted girls and almost all had boys - most are now pg with their seconds and ALL want a girl this time round.
If I ever have another I'd prefer a girl again - well I know how girls things work I guess, whereas the whole willy thing is a bit of an unknown quantity - you know - sporadic weeing in my face etc....

However, boys are meant to be more loving and straightforward - sorry, can't explain it - I just prefer girls ! Maybe girlie mums want girls and tomboy mums want boys - maybe ?

[SueDonim]

I didn't want a girl at all to begin with. I wanted and had two DS's first and just loved having boys. When I had my first DD I cried because I was so scared of her and didn't know what on earth I was going to do with her. Next day the hormones kicked in and - "wow, our own princess" - and we never looked back. When it came to baby No4, I was desperate for another DD and cried (again) when my amnio result told us we would have a girl.

Looking back, I'm sure my 'anti-girl' thing was because my mum always preferred boys and made me feel that girls were inferior. But now, I know beter. Girls and boys each have their drawbacks and blessings and I wouldn't change a thing!

[Monnie]

I really wanted a boy and got DS.

Now I have him, I don't mind what I have next (although next would hopefully not be before 2004!)

Agree with you, Scatterbrain, about the possible 'girly mum, tomboy mum' thing.

I'm defo not girly and I can honestly say that's one of the reasons why I so wanted a boy first time round.

However, I'm sure that if I had a girl, then I could adapt (as long as I didn't have to talk about Barbie all day!lol)

[SueDonim]

Oops, that should say, 'cried (again) with tears of happiness'!!

[bells2]

I was like Suedonim, really really wanted another boy second time around and was actively disappointed when I was told it was a girl. Then after around 12 hours I fell head over heels in love with her and spent the next few months manically dressing her in pink and just worshipping her. My husband thought I had gone mad.

[parent]

My first child is a boy. I just knew I was having a boy all way through my pregnancy. When I was expecting my second again I was 100% it was a boy. To my utter amazement I was wrong and we had a girl. The reason why I was 100% sure was that my husband is one of five boys, and most of his brother kids are boys. A month after I was still shocked.I have been told that boys are much more loving than girls.Which I must say is the case for my boy. My daughter only four months old so I cant really tell whether this is the case yet.

[Scatterbrain]

Want to hear something extra sad ?

Not only do I dress dd in pink - I even wear it most days myself ! This from a previously strictly smart monochrome person ! dh says it's a side effect of my epidural.

[ExpatKat]

I was actually heartened by that news item because almost all the women I know seem to want boys. I was beginning to think no one wanted girls--and that was getting me down, making me think that girls get off to an awfully bad start in our society, not quite wanted/valued even from the start. So it's great to hear such enthusiasm for girls. (Yay girls! )

[Enid]

There's some terrible stereotyping going on here...where's JBR when you need her?

Boys are more loving but naughty, girls need to be dressed in pink, play with Barbies and are whingy...come on everyone, admit this is your own experience and not set in stone.

[Demented]

When pg with DS1 I wanted a boy and was quite pleased to get one. I always felt when it came to having no 2 I would actually prefer another boy. However once I was pg with no2 and everyone started saying, "oh you'll be wanting a wee girl now", I started to think, it would be nice, one of each. We decided to find out at the scan, by this time I was sure it was a girl as the pregancy felt very different. I must admit to feeling slightly disappointed when the scan revealed he was a boy, mostly because others had put the idea into my head that this would be what I would want. Now he is here I wouldn't swap him. My feelings at the moment are that if I were to get away with having no3 I would be quite happy with another boy but no doubt if I was pregnant again I would start to think about having a girl. In the end it wouldn't matter.

PS If I had a girl she would spend most of her life dressed in dungarees (DS1 and 2's cast-offs). Never been a big fan of real girly, girly clothes.

[prufrock]

I must admit that I was dissapointed when we found out at the scan that dd was a girl. But this wasn't because I had a preference (honestly), but because I knew dh wanted a boy as he had admitted he didn't know what to do with girls. Now he is absolutely in love with her. On the subject of clothes - whenever dh gets dd dressed she ends up in all teh pretty pink outfits that various people have bought her. When I dress her or buy clothes its funky jeans and primary colours all the way!

[Tinker]

I was keen for a boy when I was pregnant just because I was an awful daughter. However, was talking about this subject with friends a few months ago - agreed that much as we'd have loved a boy (one did have) would HATE to have been without a girl. Not sure why exactly and, yes Enid, it may be down to stereotyping but...

...I do feel I know more what to do with a girl. Being a completely non-sporty (except watching football) person, I wouldn't have wanted to get involved in boys activities - and I would have had to since I am on my own. Now, however, I would love a boy, purely to appreciate the difference.

[Scatterbrain]

Hmm Enid, are you accusing me of stereotyping

I'm just saying what I think - if I'm a stereotype fair enough - but I'm not commenting on others ! That would be rude !

BTW - many of dd's pink things are dungarees and trendy clothes - we're not talking lace and frills - anyway, it's my choice and I don't make it to please anyone but me !

Can now see why people leave threads in a huff as I feel most offended at Enid's post !

[Chinchilla]

I wanted a boy, although wouldn't admit how much even to myself, because I did not get on with my mum until I left home. My early life was not good, but that is another story...maybe on another thread one day!

I convinced myself that I was carrying a girl, so that I would feel good if it was one. However, when they said the words 'it's a boy', I broke down with happiness. I like to think that I WOULD have loved a girl if I had had one, and knowing how much I love my son, I feel motherly enough to love a girl too. However, I would like another boy, if I was given a choice!

And, no, I am not a tomboy, and never was. I did not like dolls, but loved clothes and makeup etc. So I don't agree with the theory, sorry. My sil wanted boys, and she is not a tomboy either.

[Tinker]

Well, as an aside, does anyone else find that they have, subconsciously, chosen the same out fit to wear as their daughter (or maybe son!)? ie stripey top and jeans, same colour scheme etc? It's not some horrible Baby and Mummy Spice thing, honest!

[bundle]

both me & dh wanted a girl..and got one. she's hardly ever in skirts..but a number of her clothes are pink (of the bright, fuchsia kind, not babypink). dh desperate for another girl, but I'm not so bothered this time. I suppose I thought I 'knew' what girls were about, being one myself and having just one sister. not many boy cousins, just lots of chatty girls in our family

[Chinchilla]

Oh God everyone, please don't start again Let's just all agree to differ. The last few weeks have been horrible, so can we all stop getting offended by comments that were probably not meant the way they sounded (if they did sound that way at all).

[Scatterbrain]

Tinker, Yes yes yes !!

But I'm just a stereotype so disregard my reply !

[Scatterbrain]

What's that saying - different strokes for different folks ?

I'm going now as this is degenerating ! Thanks for that Enid.