Three year old won’t write.

[NLW08]

My daughter is 3 and a half and absolutely refuses to write. She hates holding a pen (she seems to be left handed) and flat out will not learn to write her name. Is this bad at her age or should I not worry? I’m not concerned about her intelligence she’s very good at maths and is starting to try and read, her teachers have said she’s very bright. Its just writing she’s adamant is a no go and I’m trying not to get frustrated but other children we know her age are all writing their names.

Fleetwoodmacs
I definitely think I’m falling in to the “trying too hard” parenting category and your in the normal person one.

In my defense though I didn’t teach her the maths, she started it on her own and I went along with it and found ways to progress it but somewhere along the line I’ve slipped from encouraging her to do the things she enjoyed to overly pushy parent who’s going to ruin their child. I’m putting the writing away for a while and taking about 20 steps back.

Yep, relax op. Most parents aren't thinking of teaching their child to write age 3.
Just have access to crayons, pens etc so she can practice holding them whilst having fun drawing/making marks.

You putting the caveat up to 20 or up to 50 suggests they are also rote memorisation though rather than understanding the mathematical concepts and the rest definitely is.

It sounds like you push hard to get her to memorise things but handwriting is a skill that is not in any way the same as memorisation.

You need to give her the freedom to explore for herself.

Stop pushing her! She's still a baby. She's got the rest of her life to learn those skills. Be her mum, let her have fun, work on her social skills and read to her.
Wow. Times tables at 3? 🧐

@Fleetwoodmacs that's fab - at that age that is more than enough!

@NLW08 that's great your daughter is doing all that but I would hold off progressing more. She may be able to add and subtract but there is things like language- subtract/take away/less than, stories of numbers I.e ways of making 10, one less/more, which number is bigger/smaller. Even with counting there is a lot for them to understand. Speak to her nursery (if she goes) and they may be able to give you ideas.

Re writing at that age it's more fine motor skills. Try shaving foam, play doh, paint and sand etc thick crayons and chalks. You can get loads of ideas from Pinterest. Also if looking for things - lots of play especially outdoors and lots of reading books to her and talking about the pictures. 🙂

Hallieknight
I suppose I haven’t attempted to go past the whole numbers of 20-50 with her and I don’t think she’d learn higher number from anywhere else so that could be part of why. She can tell you the amount of something placed in front of her without having to add them individually which although could be memorised (different items and different amounts though) I still feel it is maths even if it’s that shes memorised how many different objects equate to 7. Surely that’s how we all learn to count is by remembering how many of something? You can ask her if I have five objects and you have three how many altogether and she will tell you eight without having to add them, she used to add them up and then one day she just stopped needing to. Which again I suppose is because she memorised it but initially she did add them individually she just went sat needing to do that. But you can also give her for instance three objects and ask her how many she needs to get to ten and she will find what she needs and rarely seems to count them up these days. She did used to but then stopped. Although to a degree I guess it’s all memorised actions I wouldn’t say she doesn’t understand the problems given to her either as you can break it down, change the amounts, change the objects and she will still do it and will count it out if you ask her to. The same with interchanging the numbers of languages she doesn’t do the same ones each time they can be changed at random, I’ll get her to swap half way through etc.
I’ve never tried to get her to memorise any of this as I have always counted everything out myself. She just has a very good memory, certainly better then mine anyway! She will memorise books as well which I think is going to make teaching her to read extremely hard also as memorising isn’t better then learning each word.

Starting to think this is just a boasting thread.

You're not really responding to much anyone says, just reeling off things your daughter can do.

Jiggly puff cookie
I’m going to start sounding like such an ass here but she does all that. More then/less then/how many in a group/bigger smaller etc. At least up to 20 we haven’t gone higher then that as she’s been getting bored with it from lockdown and I’ve tried to take a step back from it as she was refusing to do it.
We read a lot of books as we both love stories. I will have a look on Pinterest but she doesn’t like getting messy!

Littleharrisa
I tried to stop the thread a while ago at my second reply and just said thank you etc but then people asked about the times tables and I answered and then got my back put up from a comment and tried to backtrack but then it sounded stupid and went from there. I think it’s probably best I stop replying at all now as it’s sounding wrong when I’m trying to explain myself.

Early “academic” skills especially the parrot fashion your describing are no indication of future ability.

Let her play.

Play is children’s work. You’d do well to read around some of this for your own knowledge.

Really shitty of the poster who accused you of too much screen time. My own nearly 4 year old definitely has more screen time than his siblings did, we have been on lockdown for many months of the past year, it's hard, and there is nothing about this post that suggests the child is understimulated . OP your DD sounds extremely bright, her maths skills are much better than my year 3 child (who I think has inherited my dyscalculia...but still ).

My 3 year old (nearly 4) has only just started to take a mild interest in writing his name but can't do it yet without tracing. I've just started with dry erase books, and laminated his name for a little practice but trying not to pressure as I can see he isn't too keen. After two summer borns who weren't ready for reading and writing in reception, I'm really glad my son is winter born and so I don't feel the need to push these things yet. We have toys with tweezers, I work on his scissor skills (cutting playdough is popular) and things like that but more often he's watching Waffle the Wonder Dog episodes on repeat, he gets cross if I even put educational nursery rhymes on.

Google X-ray of child's hand and pre writing skills. There are lots of great articles that compare an early years child's hand and a 7 year olds hand and explain why writing shouldn't be pushed, but I am guilty of pushing myself a little at times, I thinks we all are, and if I had a child so receptive to learning as yours I'm sure I'd be much worse.

Montessori sand trays are good for pre-writing skills. Helion toys and the Little Coach house have some nice handmade name toys. Also dry erase pencils are better than pens, and you can get tripod finger grips for them. But I'd hold off on that yet.

I’ll just put on my last comment that I didn’t mean this to sound like a boasting thread, I was trying to explain something and I don’t think I did it very well which led to me trying to explain that and it all went a bit wrong from there. Whether people wish to believe it’s parrot fashion or not I have been told independently through her school and others that her maths is very good for her age and I was just trying to explain that but obviously not very well!
I was mostly concerned about her writing because I found writing so hard at school and I don’t want her to struggle like I did which I think makes me worry more. I wasn’t stupid but being dyslexic just made it more of a struggle and I hated that and I don’t want that for her. My sibling is extremely smart and I’d rather she were like him then me and for some reason got it in to my head that writing would help that

Oh btw, my son can only count to about 20 on a good day. Misses out numbers too. Your daughter's skills really are exceptional, but you will get accused of boasting or your child being autistic no matter what you say on here. It sounds like your daughter would enjoy the book Countablock. It's a brilliant number book we have that goes all the way up to 100. Not many do.

Why does she have to write her name at 3???

Chill. She’s three years old - you both need to enjoy this time. If she’s as clever as you think, then she will always be clever. But one day she’ll be a moody teenager and you will wish you just enjoyed this time and played with her.

My son is 5 in 2 weeks and he is only just starting to draw pictures takes an interest in using a pencil he hasn’t been interested before

You're being ridiculous. Sorry but you are. A 3 yr old has no need to write . You're just putting her off it.

Let her be lefthanded, don't comment.
Do colouring in with her; make necklaces, do origami or simple sewing; cut paper dolls or shapes. all those will encourage hand control and fine motor skills.
T each her to sing the alphabet, play I spy something beginning with D (the sound Duh not the name dee).
Don't rush her through childhood; it will be gone before you know it, so savour it while it lasts.

Whether you want to hear it or not- screens for the under 5s is crap.

When my son was six, I was having a conversation with the head of his school. I was worried that my friend's son had started school already able to read 40 words from flash cards, and my boy was struggling with reading. I mentioned the other little boy, and the head said "There are thirty children in your child's class, and the teacher is there to worry about the reading. I've asked her for her general impressions of him, and she says she isn't worried about his reading. She DID mention that he can sit quietly when asked, can dress and undress himself for PE, Can put his shoes on the correct feet and tie his own laces, and can use a knife and fork at dinner time" You have taught him those things, and they are so valuable to a teacher. The fact that he can do them without help gives her more time for her job....which is to teach him to read.
@NLW08 your child is little more than a baby, better to take the pressure off, provide materials in case she decides to change her mind, and teach her the things that will make her independent at school.

@HallieKnight

Memorising a song is not maths.

Oh yes it is.

Music has rhythm and a tempo, with a certain number of beats in a bar. In a song you alternate between verse and chorus, you have to count in at the beginning, and know when to stop.

Learning music has been proven over and over again to improve children's mathematical ability, and singing also improves language and co-operation skills.

My ds started reception not knowing the alphabet and couldn't write or read a thing...I did try but he was only interested in superheroes and running around.

He's at secondary school now and in the top sets

@baubling

You know that's not what the PP was saying.

A 3 year old memorising a song but having know understanding of its meaning is not maths

baubling that’s not true. It’s a widely help myth...but it’s not true. Bit of confirmation bias going on there I think.

Relax OP. She is only 3yo. My 5yo DS has only just started to pick up a pencil to hold a pencil, still not ideal tripod grip but I will leave him to get there in his own time. It is always better to stay relaxed or children pick up on your anxiety. DS has other issues and this is fairly minor in comparison so perhaps I am seeing it from a very different perspective OP.

@Atalune

baubling that’s not true. It’s a widely help myth...but it’s not true. Bit of confirmation bias going on there I think.

It is true. My DH is a music teacher.