My sister said my nearly 2 year old needs boundaries but I disagree who is right?

[somanyquestions2018]

Yesterday my very nearly 2 year old (1 months time) sat down in a muddy puddle.

My sister laughed but said I shouldn't have let him do that and told me I need to give my child boundaries.

I only stop my child doing something if it's going to hurt him in some way.

This approach has worked for me so far and may change as he gets older.

So who is right? Does a child this young need boundaries? If so how do I even enforce boundaries on such a young child?

All comments welcome

[GisAFag]

If you as his mother is happy for him to do x, y, z your sister needs to mind her own business. My kids loved puddles.. The only boundary for this they had was they could jump in them on the way home... Otherwise they would moan the entire trip they were wet/muddy.

[speakout]

Yes and no.

Sitting down in a muddy puddle is a fantastic thing to do ( not something we can get away with many other times in our lives), but there is a time and a place. And children need to learn that not every puddle can be sat in all the time.
A brisk "not today, but lets look at X" should suffice.
A muddy puddle in the garden or near home definitely needs sat in time to time, but if you are far from home, have to then get on a bus with muddy wet trousers then puddle sitting is not a good idea.

[Chocolateoo]

@Gingerkittykat
I'm not sure a baby coming up two is rude to people.

I think the op felt judged by her sister. Obviously she will have sensible boundaries and decide his meals for him. I think she was made to feel too relaxed. But in my opinion he's a baby and as long as he wasn't off somewhere and just out walking in casual clothes, it is fine for him to explore a puddle!

Op....also all mums are different. I took mine to a farm last week. In playing out clothes. I saw a women with two girls in pure white layered coats (not farm friendly) and a mum in the most ridiculous for a farm sparkly flip flops with a pristine pink pushchair with fur. Her daughter had a pinifore on with black shiny shoes and white socks. She was absolutely immaculate. No doubt about it the clothes were beautiful, but also unlikely that child is allowed to get mucky. Mine have clothes appropriate for the activity and therefore they can be kids an explore. Sometimes they come home with wet trousers and mud on them. But personally I think that'l it is important for kids to explore because they do grow out of it. I do always say no jumping in puddles without wellies, but occasionally the canvas trainers get wet lol

[Thehogfatherstolemycurry]

Recognising boundaries are part of the child's development, they're very important to learn how to function appropriately in society. It's part of their personal, social and emotional development in the eyfs.
They need to recognise its not ok to hurt others, to share, to respond to instructions, not to steal, not to deface books, toys, walls.
It's up to you if sitting in muddy puddles is acceptable but they do need to know that some things are and some things aren't.

[Iwantalonglie]

I think it's useful for kids to learn about natural consequences, to a degree...

My 2 year old has become more circumspect about jumping/sitting in muddy puddles since he soaked himself and had to sit in damp clothes for 15 mins until we got home. Also, he used to love running up to the side of any water (rivers/lakes/ponds) on purpose to scare us. MIL suggested we just let him go ahead if it wasn't dangerous and, guess what, she was right! We let him fall into a (very) shallow pond one day (though we fished him out pretty quickly) and he's been much more careful since then around water and no more mucking around.

[missyB1]

I work in a nursery, if we didn't give the toddlers boundaries there would be absolute carnage!!
And my kids were always very aware of the boundaries that me and dh set.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

At this age I wanted my dd to get wet and muddy. She rarely did it not wanting to get dirty. Messy play is very important for little kids as is staying clean when there’s a special occasion or when it isn’t appropriate to get wet and muddy.

[stargirl1701]

Children do need boundaries but sitting in puddles is not one of them.

With my DC at that age, the boundaries were no hitting and no kicking, saying or signing please and thank you, and helping to tidy up toys. Other non-negotiables were toothbrushing and using the car seat.

[Bouledeneige]

I think I've been one of those fun mums but I definitely believed in boundaries beyond avoiding danger. Personally I'm not sure I would've cared about sitting in puddles.

But I do think they need to learn to behave well - not to snatch other kids toys or push other kids over, to say please and thank you, to sit at the table till they are told they can get down, to have a bedtime routine. As a result everyone always said my kids behaved well and liked them as friends for their kids. They could behave in an art gallery, a classroom in a restaurant for a meal. But we also had so much fun and lots of laughter within those boundaries.

It's not rules for rules sake but it is so that they can behave unselfishly and function in different environments with different people and not piss them off.

[Chocolateoo]

You definitely don't need to fear he's going to an awful child because he sat in the puddle lol. It's fine.

Be confident in your parenting. My parents brought me up with lots of boundaries. Sit down and behave. Don't show me up etc. Stop messing about. We used to be really well behaved. My mum often says now when my kids are naughty "we never had any of this with you"
She is right. But actually because they were like that we never got up to dance at family parties. We never were loud and chatty. We behaved right into our twenties! I'd say none of us have the best confidence. None of us have got married (because we are unrelaxed and would hate the attention on us) we've not travelled or been loud wild teenagers. We had friends. We went out. But we were never the life and soul.i she's away from lads for ages because I had no idea how to be outgoing.

When I had my kids I swore I'd be more relaxed. I really want mine to feel confident and get out there. They understand kindness. They understand safety (working on the 2 year old) but I let them be more than my parents would have.

It's about working out what you want from him. Two year olds will massively mature by the time they are 4-5. They soon grow up and understand more and more. You will be doing great! Your sister should let you parent without judgement.

[yomommasmomma]

Yes, your child needs boundaries, or they will be a bloody nightmare in couple of years.

[Iwantalonglie]

But actually because they were like that we never got up to dance at family parties. We never were loud and chatty. We behaved right into our twenties! I'd say none of us have the best confidence. None of us have got married (because we are unrelaxed and would hate the attention on us) we've not travelled or been loud wild teenagers.

Yes. It's a balancing act, isn't it? I was a very well-behaved child with excellent manners. But I remember being so shy and finding it hard to make friends. I couldn't just join in with other children. My son is boisterous and not particularly well-behaved. But he has no inhibitions, loves to dance and is always chasing round with a new friend within a few minutes of arriving anywhere with other children.

I wasn't a particularly happy child. I'd like my son to be.

[grey12]

If your child isn't going to sit on a puddle aged 2, when then??!!! Let him/her have fun!!

[speakout]

If your child isn't going to sit on a puddle aged 2, when then??!!! Let him/her have fun!!

While I agree with the sentiment it really isn't practical to allow a 2 year old to sit in every puddle they choose to.
What about a city centre street, a puddle with floating fag ends and dog crap nearby? What if you are about to catch a bus or get a lift in a car, is it appropriate for a toddler to have soggy muddy trousers?
THere needs to be some rules.

[RunningFromInsanity]

I imagine the sitting in the puddle wasn’t the main reason your sister has come out with this.

[serialreturner]

@Pantheon

I think kids that age do need boundaries - not hurting themselves or others, avoiding danger etc. But I don't see the issue with a kid sitting down in a muddy puddle.

This.