My sister said my nearly 2 year old needs boundaries but I disagree who is right?

[somanyquestions2018]

Yesterday my very nearly 2 year old (1 months time) sat down in a muddy puddle.

My sister laughed but said I shouldn't have let him do that and told me I need to give my child boundaries.

I only stop my child doing something if it's going to hurt him in some way.

This approach has worked for me so far and may change as he gets older.

So who is right? Does a child this young need boundaries? If so how do I even enforce boundaries on such a young child?

All comments welcome

[somanyquestions2018]

All very helpful advice thank you! Even the comments that say I'm doing it all wrong. Now I will go ahead and try to do it right!

I will think about my boundaries and set them. It would be good if you could just set the one boundary "just do as I say" but that wouldn't work for any living creature I imagine!

[OverTheRainbow88]

Haha, as they get older “be respectful” covers most things!! I use that with my older classes at school as most issues can be covered by that one rule!

[Pipandmum]

Yes absolutely set boundaries. They don't have to be harsh. But gentle guiding is essential.
However sitting in a puddle is part of sensory exploration and not at all would I think comes under 'boundaries'. Boundaries at this age is more like not throwing food or toys around, not interrupting mummy when she is talking to someone or on the phone, not poking at the dog (or any animal), not biting or grabbing toys etc etc.

[Jaxhog]

Are you serious? Of course a toddler needs boundaries.

Everyone does. We live in societies that require us to abide by the boundaries that are set by whatever society we happen to live in. They are what keep us safe. Learning to understand and respect these starts with understanding the concept that there are boundaries and rules. The earlier children understand this, the better their ability to negotiate society successfully in adult life.

[BlingLoving]

I assume your sister thinks your child is well behaved and allowed to do whatever he likes whenever he likes because it's hard to imagine a situation where a child sitting in a puddle at home being seen as a particularly big deal?

[MattBerrysHair]

Does he have other boundaries beyond staying out of danger? Ie no hitting/being rude, bathing, teeth brushing, bedtime, no breaking things etc...Unless there really is more to it than just sitting in a muddy puddle then I wouldn't take much notice of your sister.

[MzHz]

Ha ha, my ds found puddles in the split second I was looking elsewhere!

Stamp stamp stamp.

He was exactly the same age as your ds!

He’s now 14yo and enormous- he doesn’t do it anymore :)

Take a clean set of clothing as a back up, it’s never the end of the world and him learning and having fun (safely of course) is all that’s important at this age

[HollowTalk]

@Gingerkittykat

Are you serious? Of course a toddler needs boundaries.

Do you let him choose what to eat, whether or not to bathe and when to go to sleep? What about if he doesn't want to go to nursery? What if he is rude to people?

Exactly this!

What if he's hurting others? What if you don't want to wash his clothes just because he sat in a puddle?!

[justasking111]

Ah just put him in a puddle suit, mind you yesterday was so hot it would have evaporated in minutes, I could have done with a few puddles myself yesterday.

[CarrotCakeCrumbs]

Boundaries are important, but the puddle sitting is a non issue. They also need to learn things for themselves such as: sitting in this puddle made me cold and wet. They might do it again or they might not but they've learnt a natural consequence to their actions which I think is a good thing sometimes (obviously not in dangerous situations or where they can damage someone elses property/hurt someone else).

[JustAddCoffee91]

I think kids should be able to be kids... sit in muddy puddles, it's the only way they learn, if there wet and uncomfortable they may think twice about doing it the second time, I have a 19 month old and he knows the word no but I only use it if he's at risk of hurting himself

[timetest]

Running away from you in the street needs dealing with, sitting down in a muddy puddle is nothing. My DC loved muddy puddle days.

[Redraptor]

I remember my 1yo DC sitting in a puddle on my wedding day in her pretty white dress. Didnt bother me in the slightest, she was happy and I had another dress to put her in for the night do anyway. She did have boundaries though, safety is important but pick your battles. Does a muddy puddle matter? Mine is nearly 5 now and the best behaved child I know. My younger DC (2yo) doesn't want to wear shoes most days so if it's safe then no shoes needed but they know in the town they need shoes

[xolotltezcatlopoca]

Kids need boundaries, but that's when it's about safety, etc. Sitting in the puddle is totally fun and nothing to do with needing boundaries. Soon they will learn that sitting in the puddle makes them muddy and wet and uncomfortable and stop doing it, so why take away the carefree fun

[2155User]

You’re going to get some odd responses on here because I don’t think you mean boundaries as such.

Of course children need boundaries, but a puddle causes no harm so it’s fine

[corythatwas]

The things I would think about are:

is it going to hurt him?

is it going to hurt anybody else?

is it going to cause damage to property?

is it going to cause significant inconvenience to anybody else?

is it going to lead to a significant waste of resources?

does his right to express himself impact on other children?
(it isn't much fun to be the child who always has to give way because the other child mustn't be told no)

will you be able to say "no" when the parameters shift- as they invariably do?

Sitting in a puddle is clearly fine and can be a valuable experience in itself: it's more about your ability to assess what is going on around.

[Iloveyoutothefridgeandback]

It's so irritating when other people tell you how to parent your children. The only time I can understand this sort of thing is if your child is regularly doing things to the detriment of that person and you don't intervene - e.g. if your sister was next to the muddy puddle and the sitting caused a big splash over her, or if she was giving you a lift so it meant getting her car very muddy on the way home etc

[SpeedofaSloth]

Yes, they need boundaries.

[Soontobe60]

Sitting in puddles - not a problem for a toddler.

Boundaries generally are important. Children need to know what the boundaries are or else they just get confused and will constantly try to second guess.

[Louise91417]

Some of my happiest memories of being a child are playing puddles, diving into piles of leaves and basically anything involving dirt. If my ds3 and i see these we will be in the middle of them

[BlingLoving]

Also, I'm always very dubious about people talking about "boundaries" with very small children. I mean, making sure they have the minimum standard of behaviour that is a) appropriate and b) safe might technically be "boundaries" but really, that's such a poncey over the top word for what is really just normal life. And it's funny how often people who bang on about this are childfree themselves.

SIL made a few comments on DS needing "boundaries" before she had children. And they were all a bit silly.

[crazychemist]

Of course they need boundaries e.g. not hurting others, sharing (age appropriately, so probably not all that well just yet!), not throwing things indoors... etc. Exact rules depends on your house rules and your child. Not sitting in muddy puddle.... well, I guess it’s annoying because you’re the one that has to clean up the clothes, but if it wasn’t deliberate disobedience (you told him not to, he did it to see your reaction) then I’d probably just chalk it up to him gaining some life experience!

[SunshineCake]

Unless she was going to wash the clothes with her own hands then it really is none of her business. It is the quickest way to learn don't sit in puddles if they didn't like being wet. Tell them not to do it and we all know what 9/10 kids would do.

[runrabbitrunrunrun]

What’s the harm? Sounds like great fun. I always have a plastic bag and some spare clothes for this reason! I I let kids explore and have fun!

[OverTheRainbow88]

There’s no harm is having fun jumping in puddles... there is harm is having no boundaries.

You can have firm boundaries and still have fun jumping in muddy puddles.