My sister said my nearly 2 year old needs boundaries but I disagree who is right?

[somanyquestions2018]

Yesterday my very nearly 2 year old (1 months time) sat down in a muddy puddle.

My sister laughed but said I shouldn't have let him do that and told me I need to give my child boundaries.

I only stop my child doing something if it's going to hurt him in some way.

This approach has worked for me so far and may change as he gets older.

So who is right? Does a child this young need boundaries? If so how do I even enforce boundaries on such a young child?

All comments welcome

[Fanthorpe]

I’d say maybe you and your sister need some too, she needs to respect yours!

[Deathraystare]

Well, if you cannot sit in a puddle at nearly two, when can you??! Kids love puddles! Especially boys. Though as runrabbitrunrunrun says - keep a bag of spare clothes with you for these moments!

[supersop60]

Echoing PP - children need boundaries, and you set the boundaries that are important to you, and will ALSO be important to the child growing up. Eg how to behave in another person's house.
Muddy puddles are fine, unless you had already said not to sit, in which case, a boundary had been crossed.

[MzHz]

My sis dc need boundaries and they’re preteen and Mid primary

They behaved like nutters in my house and my sister just sat there.

I wouldn’t say anything, I know she wasn’t brought up to think this behaviour is right, but that’s her look out. My ds knows what’s what and that’s all that matters to me

I don’t care about how her kids behave because they won’t be coming back to stay in my home again.

[Danglingmod]

Yes, children need boundaries. Psychologically, it's terrifying god them not to have. They need them to feel safe.

Sitting in a puddle isn't anything to do with boundaries and is a lot of fun to a toddler. As a pp said, unless you're on the way to a wedding, of course a child can sit in a puddle.

[VettiyaIruken]

Of course they need boundaries.
Don't hurt people, don't snatch stuff, don't touch dangerous things etc etc.

If a kid wants to sit in a muddy puddle, so what? Who's it hurting? You get them home, strip them off, chuck their stuff in the washer and give them a bath.

And they had fun in the muddy puddle!

Your sister needs to relax!

[HoppingPavlova]

Yes, at that age they need boundaries. For example, If they bite me they have crossed a boundary and I will let them know that very clearly. If they sit in a muddy puddle though I wouldn’t give a shit and would just change them into dry clothes when home.

[SantaClaritaDiet]

Obviously they need boundaries

but there's no rule about sitting in a puddle! Some parents are fine with it, others are not. It's up to you. You don't need people to tell you one way or another.

If you are not happy with it, but let them do it anyway, that's weird.

[GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal]

All children need boundaries, it makes them feel safe and secure.

It also stops them growing into little shits.

[Tumbleweed101]

Boundaries are important. In this situation I think you didn’t need to impose a boundary because you were happy with the situation. Messy, exploratory play is essential at that age so he probably learned a lot of important stuff being allowed to do it.

[2pinkginsplease]

Children definitely need boundaries.

The little boy next door to us has had no boundaries whatsoever, if he wants to walk out the street, the parents follow , if he doesn’t want to go inside when it’s raining they stay outside with him, if he doesn’t want to go in his car seat they stand and wait until he is ready, I’ve seen this take up to an hour! If he wants to do something he does it and they watch, eg sit in puddles, climb neighbours fences etc.

He goes to school this month and only now have I heard them tell him off or remind him this isn’t how we behave or sit him in the car seat even when he doesn’t want to. They are exasperated and have unfortunately reaped what they sowed! He’s going to get into so much bother at school due to having no boundaries whatsoever at home.

So 8 have to agree with your sister, children feel more secure when the have boundaries. .

[WorraLiberty]

Yes they need boundaries otherwise they turn into 'Free spiritis' AKA little shits

[RedRumTheHorse]

@2pinkginsplease

Children definitely need boundaries.

The little boy next door to us has had no boundaries whatsoever, if he wants to walk out the street, the parents follow , if he doesn’t want to go inside when it’s raining they stay outside with him, if he doesn’t want to go in his car seat they stand and wait until he is ready, I’ve seen this take up to an hour! If he wants to do something he does it and they watch, eg sit in puddles, climb neighbours fences etc.

He goes to school this month and only now have I heard them tell him off or remind him this isn’t how we behave or sit him in the car seat even when he doesn’t want to. They are exasperated and have unfortunately reaped what they sowed! He’s going to get into so much bother at school due to having no boundaries whatsoever at home.

So 8 have to agree with your sister, children feel more secure when the have boundaries. .

A friend of mine used to have neighbours like this. She discovered when she told the children to behave or even a random stranger - mainly to stop the children from harming themselves - the children did.

[Couchbettato]

All actions have consequences, and kids need boundaries to learn, but your sister shouldn't tell you how to parent. That's rude.

The consequence for sitting in a muddy puddle is that you're wet, muddy and probably a bit uncomfortable. It doesn't affect her in any way.

[butterpuffed]

I think children need boundaries but unsure if sitting in a puddle is a boundary situation, more of a common sense one. If the child then ignores , it's their fault !

If you were about to trip on something you hadn't noticed but someone else had, then you'd expect them to tell you.

[TempestHayes]

I give my kids boundaries when they do things that may not hurt them all the time. Like, they behave well in restaurants because I do not let them touch the items they shouldn't - salt, vinegar, bang cutlery - or do things that annoy others, like get up and walk around. They would not be hurt by doing these bratty things, but I forbid them anyway. Ergo, good behaviour - and more importantly, they know what's expected of them.

The muddy puddle should hopefully be its own deterrent, but if the child was taking some sort of pleasure in deliberately rolling in mud, then no, I would set a boundary that that was not acceptable.

Kids don't know how to behave properly and it's our job to teach them, not just assume they'll automatically grow out of it by copying others. You can see that today in children who play loud music on publish transport, or screech, or demand items in shops. They've never been told such behaviour is unacceptable.

[FatCatThinCat]

All children need boundaries but not being allowed to sit in a puddle at 2 isn't one of them. My DS loved sitting in muddle puddles so we got him some waterproof trousers to reduce the mess.

[MiniMum97]

All children need boundaries and are much happier when they have them. Children essentially (and underneath it all!) want to please their parents so when they know what they are supposed to be doing and what behaviour gets a positive response and what behaviour gets a negative response consistently. That's why inconsistent parenting is so bad for children and can cause attachment issues.

However what those boundaries are are up to you. I would say the child's safety and safety of others is non negotiable.

Sitting down in a puddle. Think that's a shade of grey that some parents won't mind and others will say it's not ok.

[EmbarrassingAdmissions]

I'd stop a very young child sitting in a puddle if:
the water were so dirty that I'd no idea of any possible contaminants;
it were Winter, there was no ready change of clothes, and I'd vaguely fret about very mild hypothermia;
there were no ready change of clothes and we were visiting somewhere where it would be a mess to sit on furniture/car seats.
Otherwise, no - I wouldn't prevent it.

[justasking111]

I blame Peppa Pig myself lol

[bridgetreilly]

Yes, they need boundaries and not just ‘if it won’t hurt him’. But you do get to decide what those are, not your sister. I wouldn’t have let him sit in the puddle, but ymmv.

[GeorgiaWeLoveYou]

Of course he should have boundaries. Not just not hurting himself either. He should not be snatching, share toys, treat others with respect, not throw food etc.

But as long as he wasn't dressed in his very best clothes and was in park attire, I would have let him sit in the puddle. He's a toddler having fun. If you can't get muddy when you're 1, then when can you?

[ArriettyJones]

OP didn’t hang around for long.

[Chocolateoo]

Kids are not all the same.

My daughter understood boundaries. My son is two and we call him feral. We've parented him exactly the same yet he's different. He's got no fear. He won't stop when I shout him back. He doesn't listen. He's constantly up to something.

I don't understand what him sitting in a puddle has to do with boundaries. He's still a baby exploring the world. Obviously if you do don't want him to do it you should have stopped it. But if we're just letting him explore that's fine.

Mine has a regatta puddlesuit and it's great for these situations as the can explore.

Ofcourse he will grow out of it too! How many seven year olds sit in a puddle lol? X

[Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear]

Children need boundaries yes and boundaries help them feel safe and secure. I bet you do set boundaries though such as 'kind hands', basic manners etc but you probably just don't think of them in that way.

However children should be able to play in muddy puddles, at that age I always carried a change of clothes for DS for exactly that sort of reason.