Would you let your yr3 child go to the shop?

[ShinyNewNameTimeAgain]

Talking about New Years resolutions and Ds has just asked me if in 2020 would I let him go to the shop. During the week at home it’s me, 7yo ds1 and 4yo ds2 who is a complete handful. Probably about once a week I’ll forget something from the shop and end up dragging the dc’s back up there then take about 30 minutes in there trying to buy this one thing while ds2 runs away/ knocks things over/ tries to get in the staff only bit/ puts things I don’t want in the basket/ screams like a banshee if I tie him to myself or a buggy. If ds1 could go it would be a lot easier for us all and ds1 would get a certain amount of freedom.

Some basic facts

1. 7 does seem very young to let him wander on his own and he does look older for his age so I’d hate for anyone to say anything and him panic.
   
2. The shop is only about 100 metres away with no roads to cross but also round a bend so I couldn’t actually watch him from the window all the way from the house to going into the shop.
   
3. It’s only a small local co-op with about 3 aisles which makes me feel slightly better than if it were a supermarket, I also know the staff so I could let them know to expect him on his own on occasion.
   
4. I wouldn’t ever let him go in the dark or late at night
   
5. It is by the local college which has a pretty bad reputation. There are often kids hanging around the shop even way outside school times who make comments to any passing kids. They’ve never said anything to us but I don’t know if that’s due to kids being with me or just because they’re only interested in being dicks to older kids.
   
6. The cat would walk with him, wait for him and walk back with him again.
   
7. I can give him an old PAYG phone to carry in case he’s worried.
   
8. Ds is a very sensible child but also has his head in the clouds a lot. When walking home from school he has on several occasions walked straight past our house.
   

I haven’t said whether he can or can’t yet. Dh and I are going through a very rough patch where he refuses to discuss anything with me. So please pretend that I am your parenting partner and let me know what you’d do and why.

[keepingbees]

No it's just not worth the risk. At 7 they don't have the maturity or skills in place to know how to handle to situations that could arise.
There may not be kidnappers on every street as someone else has said, but there could be an opportunist one. There could also be less sinister problems such as falling over, being distracted near the road, being approached by a dodgy adult or other children or teenagers. They are too young to be handed a phone and expected to know how to deal with this sorry.
I also can't see any benefit to the cat being there.

[Elieza]

I’d walk down with the dcs but wait outside with the youngest and send the oldest in. That way if any questions or problems you are outside.

Does your youngest have additional needs or is he just a brat? If the latter can you get him on a daily behaviour star chart and if he can walk nicely he gets a treat or whatever.

He will be in school soon so he should know how to behave like a big boy not like a baby. Take baby reins with you and if he plays up they go in him! After that the threat that they are in your handbag will be enough to tame him as he will hate them...

[Itsigginingtolookalotlikexmas]

There's a shop about that distance from our house, busy road to cross so wouldn't be ok for my dc - but also, the shop owner was held up at knife point a year or so ago by someone wanting alcohol and money. Would have been great if my dc was in the shop alone while that was happening.

[ShinyNewNameTimeAgain]

elieza I stated earlier that ds2 is currently being assessed for autism.

[Itsigginingtolookalotlikexmas]

To be fair OP if you'd stated that in your original post instead of saying they were a bit of a handful, you wouldn't have got comments about the behaviour.

[KittenVsXmastree]

My youngest was doing that in Y3, in a very safe, everyone knows everyone type village.
Not a cat in hells chance now, as it's half a mile away.

Could you start by walking with him, but letting him go on ahead when DS2 starts causing a problem?

[Whatdayisit2]

No. Too young. You'd never forgive yourself if anything happened.

[Mulledwineinajug]

Mine does

[Gingerkittykat]

I can't believe all of the people who are saying no.

Your child needs to learn basic life skills, going to a shop 100m away with no roads is the perfect way to give him a small bit of independence. The fact he has asked to do this means he is ready even if you are not.

[MollysMummy2010]

I have been letting my daughter walk a similar distance to Coop since the middle of year 4, so when she was about 8.5 years old. She walks half way home to meet me from school and we will build up to letting her walk all the way by the end of year 5, when she will be 10.

[Justmuddlingalong]

Absolutely. Having to cross a road, I'd wait longer, but just round the corner with no roads to navigate, I would have no problem letting him go alone at 7. If you're unsure though, discuss it after his birthday.

[RudolphIsMySpiritAnimal]

My y3? Not a chance in hell. She forgets where she's going and why between the living room and the kitchen, and has absolutely no road sense. There are kittens and baby ducklings with better self-preservation skills!

[happycamper11]

The fact you think your child will panic if questioned makes me think absolutely not. I'm very relaxed but only let DD1 do it lately at 9.5. She's very sensible. Happily approached staff and asked when she couldn't reach something in Sainsbury's and would have had no issue telling anyone she was fine if they'd questioned her being alone. I'd give it another year personally

[TwigTheWonderKid]

I think if he is instigating it, I would give it a go. Realistically, probably for the first time or so, I would follow him, but if he wants to do it and it really is only 100m, then it's a great opportunity for him to gain a little independence.

[RhinestoneCowgirl]

It was 8 yrs old in our house for trip to the shop alone.

We live in a cul-de-sac off a main road, there is a bakers shop on the main road which you can walk to from our house without crossing a road, but it's round a bend and out of sight. The DC have been going in there with me since they were small so the shop staff know them. It felt like a good first step for independence.

They were walking to school alone by end of year 5.

[Icanflyhigh]

No. Doesnt matter how small and safe your town is, you cant be sure who is about.

[PanicAndRun]

If it wasn't for number 5 and you had a sensible , mature 7 yo then I'd say give it a try with a phone on him.

Given he's still a bit head in the clouds AND that it's possible he might be approached by older kids/teens I think you should wait.

[olympicsrock]

My year 3 DS is very sensible. He goes into the village shop to buy chocolate / milk / a comic in his own. On holiday I allow him to walk home from the shops 200 m up a quiet road with a phone call to say he has arrived. However his school always say that he his exceptionally sensible and cautious.

[Itsigginingtolookalotlikexmas]

Why does a 7 year old need independence through being out of the house alone? They can get independence through lots of jobs within the house - mine can make his own breakfast, do chores, look after his pets. I don't need to send him out alone to improve his life skills at 7.

[MyMajesty]

The fact he has asked to do this means he is ready even if you are not
You think he has risk assessed the whole thing?

Letting DS go ahead, while you follow at a distance which increases each time, could be a good compromise.

[Mrsmummy90]

100% not.
This will probably be very outing but I grew up in a very quiet area that was considered safe and someone tried to kidnap me when I was walking by myself about 2 houses down from where I lived.

I would never in a million years let my kids out of my sight alone until much much older.

[FTMF30]

I think at his age and distance of shops, it would be fine. People are really setting kids up to lack independence and emotional intelligence with all of this molly coddling.

It's less about external factors and more about what you teach DS (e.g don't talk to strangers, don't go with strangers no matter what, give him a written list he can tick off). Make going to the shops by himself a positive experience but teach him responsibility.

[pinkcardi]

Based on your info I would. Can't really see any significant risk in the decision.

[cricketmum84]

Personally I think it's too young. I've just started letting my Y6 child go with her older brother.

But LOVE the thought of the cat going with him like a fluffy feline bodyguard 😂

[Hollyhead]

No wonder so many young people report baseline anxiety if we’re teaching enthusiastic 7 year olds that a 100m walk is too risky for them to do alone.