Would you let your yr3 child go to the shop?

[ShinyNewNameTimeAgain]

Talking about New Years resolutions and Ds has just asked me if in 2020 would I let him go to the shop. During the week at home it’s me, 7yo ds1 and 4yo ds2 who is a complete handful. Probably about once a week I’ll forget something from the shop and end up dragging the dc’s back up there then take about 30 minutes in there trying to buy this one thing while ds2 runs away/ knocks things over/ tries to get in the staff only bit/ puts things I don’t want in the basket/ screams like a banshee if I tie him to myself or a buggy. If ds1 could go it would be a lot easier for us all and ds1 would get a certain amount of freedom.

Some basic facts

1. 7 does seem very young to let him wander on his own and he does look older for his age so I’d hate for anyone to say anything and him panic.
   
2. The shop is only about 100 metres away with no roads to cross but also round a bend so I couldn’t actually watch him from the window all the way from the house to going into the shop.
   
3. It’s only a small local co-op with about 3 aisles which makes me feel slightly better than if it were a supermarket, I also know the staff so I could let them know to expect him on his own on occasion.
   
4. I wouldn’t ever let him go in the dark or late at night
   
5. It is by the local college which has a pretty bad reputation. There are often kids hanging around the shop even way outside school times who make comments to any passing kids. They’ve never said anything to us but I don’t know if that’s due to kids being with me or just because they’re only interested in being dicks to older kids.
   
6. The cat would walk with him, wait for him and walk back with him again.
   
7. I can give him an old PAYG phone to carry in case he’s worried.
   
8. Ds is a very sensible child but also has his head in the clouds a lot. When walking home from school he has on several occasions walked straight past our house.
   

I haven’t said whether he can or can’t yet. Dh and I are going through a very rough patch where he refuses to discuss anything with me. So please pretend that I am your parenting partner and let me know what you’d do and why.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

I wouldn't let mine (similar distance) but I do wait right outside the shop and send her in with money to buy the item if I know the shop is empty.

[BlueHarry]

I'd be scared but I think I'd let my DD do this at 7. She's only 5 so it's a little while off for us, but if she were sensible and as it's such a short distance I'd let her do it. With instructions about coming straight back.

Btw my cat also walks with us to certain places, where she waits and then walks back. I have never heard of another cat doing this before now!

[AegonT]

I would let my very sensible daughter do that trip at 8. At only 100 metres away I wouldn't give her a phone. She would ask the shop staff for help if necessary or come home.

[Willharicat]

I don't let my 9yr DD go to the shop, however there is a rd to cross that can get busy. I do let her go and get things for me in the supermarket, but she always has her mobile with her.

[Mummyshark2018]

I have a year 3 DD, turned 8 already and I wouldn't let her go. Our local shop is only about 50m from our house and I could see her if I stood at the edge of our drive/ road but she has to cross 2 busy roads, with 2 sets of traffic lights that don't communicate with each other. I do let her go into the shop and buy a few bits while I stand outside with the dog.

Is your dc walking home alone from school?

[BiggestBoyJaquise]

yeah mate i let vikkstar go to the shop the other day to buy me a 20 pack of fags from the german guy down the road so like its perfectly fine

[ltk]

If he's asking for that little bit of independence, and you judge it safe enough, then let him go. It sounds quite safe - very near and no roads to cross. I would worry more about his road safety smarts than anything else.

[SS1987]

Send the cat 😂 she sounds great

[Ambrose2]

I wouldn't.

[PanicAndRun]

It is by the local college which has a pretty bad reputation. There are often kids hanging around the shop even way outside school times who make comments to any passing kids. They’ve never said anything to us but I don’t know if that’s due to kids being with me or just because they’re only interested in being dicks to older kids.

This is why it could be risky.

Also why I wouldn't let DD to go to the shops but I'd be more than happy to let her walk to/from school alone. School won't allow it though, so we'll have to wait.

[notnowmaybelater]

The cat comment is sweet

My children all went to the village shop by themselves from age 6. Not in our village either...

They took the school bus from.100 meters down the road to the school in the next village, 3 miles away. The bus gets to school half an hour before school starts. Then if they fancied it went to the village shop near school.

When they went to after school care we were asked to sign a permission slip allowing them to go to the shop without an adult during after school care hours.

We don't live in the UK so the norms are different, but I'm very proud of how competent and independent my children are, and attaining small steps along the way has always been invaluable for their self esteem.

[reginafelangee]

Yes I would.

[Mrsmummy90]

@keepingbees that's awful! There are some disgusting people about!

[keepingbees]

@Mrsmummy90 I lived on a quiet street and was allowed from fairly young to go to the shop directly opposite our house for sweets. You'd probably assume nothing could happen but as I came out the shop once a man in a car was staring at me, he slowed right down and pulled to the curb. He wound his window down and was staring the whole time and I remember feeling he was about to do something and being completely terrified. I ran across into my house. He watched me until I shut the door then sped off. I wouldn't have wanted to be 100 yards from home even if it was 'just' 100 yards.

[Hollyhead]

No wonder so many young people report baseline anxiety if we’re teaching enthusiastic 7 year olds that a 100m walk is too risky for them to do alone.

[cricketmum84]

Personally I think it's too young. I've just started letting my Y6 child go with her older brother.

But LOVE the thought of the cat going with him like a fluffy feline bodyguard 😂

[pinkcardi]

Based on your info I would. Can't really see any significant risk in the decision.

[FTMF30]

I think at his age and distance of shops, it would be fine. People are really setting kids up to lack independence and emotional intelligence with all of this molly coddling.

It's less about external factors and more about what you teach DS (e.g don't talk to strangers, don't go with strangers no matter what, give him a written list he can tick off). Make going to the shops by himself a positive experience but teach him responsibility.

[Mrsmummy90]

100% not.
This will probably be very outing but I grew up in a very quiet area that was considered safe and someone tried to kidnap me when I was walking by myself about 2 houses down from where I lived.

I would never in a million years let my kids out of my sight alone until much much older.

[MyMajesty]

The fact he has asked to do this means he is ready even if you are not
You think he has risk assessed the whole thing?

Letting DS go ahead, while you follow at a distance which increases each time, could be a good compromise.

[Itsigginingtolookalotlikexmas]

Why does a 7 year old need independence through being out of the house alone? They can get independence through lots of jobs within the house - mine can make his own breakfast, do chores, look after his pets. I don't need to send him out alone to improve his life skills at 7.

[olympicsrock]

My year 3 DS is very sensible. He goes into the village shop to buy chocolate / milk / a comic in his own. On holiday I allow him to walk home from the shops 200 m up a quiet road with a phone call to say he has arrived. However his school always say that he his exceptionally sensible and cautious.

[PanicAndRun]

If it wasn't for number 5 and you had a sensible , mature 7 yo then I'd say give it a try with a phone on him.

Given he's still a bit head in the clouds AND that it's possible he might be approached by older kids/teens I think you should wait.

[Icanflyhigh]

No. Doesnt matter how small and safe your town is, you cant be sure who is about.

[RhinestoneCowgirl]

It was 8 yrs old in our house for trip to the shop alone.

We live in a cul-de-sac off a main road, there is a bakers shop on the main road which you can walk to from our house without crossing a road, but it's round a bend and out of sight. The DC have been going in there with me since they were small so the shop staff know them. It felt like a good first step for independence.

They were walking to school alone by end of year 5.