DH wants a parenting book but I don't

[highlander]

I had a big row with DH last night and I feel awful about it.

We're coming back to the UK with the baby in October (from Vancouver). Hopefully baby will be a healthy 5 week old by then!

Transporting the pram obviously isn't a problem, but I mentioned to DH that maybe we should have a plan if the luggae (containing the car seat) gets delayed. I said (gently) there is no way we are driving even a short distance without a car seat.

DH then said, why are we taking the pram, can't we just take the car seat on the plane? Not unless you're willing to pay a half-price toddler fare I replied. Anyway, it's really bad for babies spines to be upright in a car seat for more than 2 hours. We NEED the pram AND the car seat. It all seems really obvious to me.

Anyway, I got a bit cranky and said why don't you do a bit of research on the internet (he knows about my MN obsession!). He then yelled at me and said he is more of a book person, but that I won't allow a parenting book in the house so how is he supposed to learn? Poor pet was really upset and I understand the need for us both to learn, but I'm trying to say that books are only ever 1 person's opinion and parenting isn't like that. I tried to say to him that I don't want him forcing the baby into a routine from 1 book that may not actually suit us or the baby's needs or personality.

All you experienced mums - what do I do?

Hope you find a good book highlander. Must agree, your dh sounds lovely and very involved
I know people who's babies slept in their car seats the first few months as it was the only place they would. Don't recommend it myself but their spines are ok

Hope you find a good book highlander. Must agree, your dh sounds lovely and very involved
I know people who's babies slept in their car seats the first few months as it was the only place they would. Don't recommend it myself but their spines are ok

I have to say that I have read a ton of parenting books, everything from Contented Baby to Continuum Concept and in almost every book I have fund a nugget of incredibly useful info, or a tip about making life easier, or a reason why baby might do this or that. I don't think reading a book or three is likely to make anyone slavishly follow any particular path and if that's the way your dh likes to take in information then he should do it that way. What about just letting him browse the local library for something that catches his eye, but be clear to him that you are not keen on the idea of a hefty routine type book?

Can I also ask - will your airline definitely allow you to have the pram on the flight with you? I know we were very much not allowed to have a pram/pushchair with us as it would have blocked emergency exits. Or have you done a special deal? I'd be very interested to know if you have for future reference.

I've always taken a pushchair up to the gate at least.

Oh yes, up to the gate but then we have to fold it and hand it over. I got the idea from Highlander's post that she was able to have her baby sleeping in the pram while on the flight. Maybe I misread that?

We have taken the pushchair up to the gates on airlines. However we have never yet recieved it at the ends on arrival. The pushchair normally comes on on the baggage claim first, or is kept to one side at the start of baggage claim.

Right, the Canadian College of Paeds recommends that NBs do not spend more than 2 hours in a car seat. I'm not taking sprog back to the UK for 3 weeks and having him in a sling or in a car seat all the time, when he's used to spending most of his time flat.

I'm not taking the pram into the cabin!! We've been told we can take it up to the gate, which seems pretty good. And it won't be part of our baggage allowance I thought we'd have to hand it over when we checked in. We're booking one of those sky cot things. The car seat is going in the hold with the rest of our luggage.

Have taken your advice re: the books. I recommended a few to DH and we're going for a late night book browse tonight (his favourite occupation!). He's promised not to buy a routine book.

Many thanks for all the advice - I appreciate it

If you have an aviation-approved car seat, you may be allowed to use it without buying a ticket if there is space. Often they will let you at least take it to the airplane just in case.

I am a fanatic who pays a half-price toddler fare and takes the car seat on board, but that is not guaranteed to work with non-US airlines (and even with US airlines you may have to bully them, although they are required by law to allow you to install the seat as its label says it should be installed even if that is rear-facing).

Can't resist adding this. Books are, as stated, merely opinions. You mention that you don't mind your dh doing his research on the web as this is your preferred method. However the majority of stuff published on the web is "just opinions". In what way is that different. In fact when researching on the web it is extremely important to remember that absolutely anyone can publish (at the moment) anything to the web with absolutely no control. Within individual countries there are moves to restrict this so as to proctect children etc but nevertheless if I wished to publish a document stating that new discoveries show that children should be put to sleep on their heads, there is nothing to stop me from doing this and from attaching it to as many search sites as possible. In otherwords along with all the helpful valid stuff is tonnes of unvalidated crap. My impression is that books are checked i.e. I don't think you are allowed to print stuff that incites you to do something illeagal and the book on the whole will not be published. In other words facts are facts and seperated clearly from opinions (although I'm open to anyone who knows better).

If his prefered form of research is reading then surely its better that he do it, just encourage him to read a "range" rather than settle on one.

By the way I'm not saying don't do your research on the web - I for one do the bulk of my information research via the web. But unlike my mother I don't necessarily believe it all.

People are curious about why you might not let your dh read childcare books. My dh firmly believes that whichever expert or mad theory he's listened to last (or invented) is the voice of God and outweighs any objection of mine. That's why I banned him from reading childcare books anyway. If there was a book (apart from MN books ? he knows about MN already but sees it as 'my' domain) that gave a range of opinions and was very careful to state that each idea might work for some babies but equally might have some cons as well as pros then I might let him near it. Until then I'm sticking to (carefully supervised) viewings of Little Angels and Supernanny.

make him get a range out of the library if he must. i wish i had instead of buying all the c*ap! you need to get a range to realise that they all totally contradict each other and that actually best thing to do is to follow your gut and maybe take a bit from one and a bit from another that works.