another stick with which to beat working mothers...

[bossykate]

the parenting news round up mentions a new survey which claims babies with two parents working full time do 10% less well in tests than babies with one parent at home.

how do other working mothers out there feel about this?

A very kind friend recently bought me book entitled 'I don't know how she does it' by Allison Pearson (a columnist for the Guardian). I've not got very far in to it so don't know how it ends. But on first impressions if you're a working mother you'll probably identify with lots of the situations currently or to be ..... the heroine finds herself in. The book is humourous and a very easy read.

At risk of being really annoying, I'm sure the researchers don't test babies just to upset/irritate parents. They will be psychologists who are genuinely interested and concerned in the field of child development. I used to take my ds to the London Unversity department which looked at how kids developed, and they did 'tests' on him, which he loved - looking at bits of film with faces on, or pictures of cats. He liked it, I liked it and I liked to feel we were maybe contributing to serious research how babies' brains develop and maybe help spot conditions like autism earlier which could be of help in the current MMR debate, for example. I think it is fair enough to see if children suffer from having working parents, why not? If there was incontrovertible evidence that they did, then maybe government policy on time off, extended maternity leave, flexi-working etc would improve. As it is, the studies don't show that at all (though I freely admit you couldn't always tell that from some coverage in certain newspapers), just that children need to be cared for properly to fulfill their potential. Surely there are no arguments against that on Mumsnet?

Even if it does badly affect a child - which it doesn't - why is it the woman who gets the "blame"?!

I know of one woman who wanted to put her child in a nursery when the baby was 2 and a half. The nursery wasn't state funded but it was the best in the area so she went to work to pay for it! This greedy selfish woman wanted to get her child a good pre-school education. What an inadequate mother!

;-)

To defend the researchers, I don't think there was any question of 'blame', just the observation based on two working parents. The reporting of it may well not be an accurate summary of the research.

Jbr - how did she know it was 'the best'? The best according to whom? I've not come across someone who has gone back to work simply to give their 2.5 year old the 'best' education money can buy. What a waste of time and money.

It was the best nursery in her area. She liked it compared to the free play group.

She wasn't going to put her child somewhere she wasn't happy!

Incidentally, I did go to playgroup myself and I liked it!

I go to work 2 days a week to pay for my dd to go to private school - I must be a terrible mother eh?

Mabs, if she's 2.5 I personally wouldn't bother, but if she's older then its up to you.

no - she's 7 now - but started at 2 and a half.

This seems to have turned into a state vs private discussion.

The point of my post was to show partly the lack of "free" education for pre-schoolers and how it's a lottery basically.

We don't have any free education here for 2.5 year olds. I could send my dd to a variety of excellent private school pre-preps, or I could pay much less and send her to the local rough and tumble (although hardly inner-city here in Dorset) nursery. I went to visit about 5 different places and finally realised that there is very little point in paying a fortune for a private school at this age, as I actually would prefer my dd to be running around playing than being formally educated. We still have to pay so she'll only go 3 mornings a week, but its only £5 a session so my child benefit pays for it. There are lots of reasons for returning to work, but I can't understand someone doing it purely to get their child on that educational ladder at 2.5. Sorry.

Good on you Mabs.

Enid - after having time off it can take a long time to work you way up again to have the level of income to be able to afford either childcare at nursery level or primary / secondary education. It's not as simple as making the sums add up when your child is 2.5. I work now, partly so that i can afford a decent education when my children need seconadry education in 10yrs time - but there are also many other factors involved, it's a little bit naive to think someone would go back soley for this reason.

there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to provide the best for your children - it's not a waste of time & money and good luck to those of you who are striving towards that.

very well said Emilys. You know your own child best - mine needed structure even at 2/3 yrs old. She still does and I do not regret my decision at all.

Her recent results and standard of work , social skills, speech and drama etc have vindicated my decision. I know, in her case, she has benefitted from being 'taught ' from a young age and me going to work enabled her to do this.

emilys, I was making exactly your point, that I didn't know any women who had gone back to work PURELY to provide a private education for their toddler as jbr had said earlier.

Before you get the knives out, I work part time myself.

good point JBR why are the mothers always blamed?
another point is.....
where is the choice in this discussion, i have said it before in other threads I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO WORK so my kids are delinquants, stupid, badly educated and its all whose fault exactly? i have no choice!!! arrrrrgh

no knives on my desk Enid!!!

Just think we are in danger of simplifying a very complex issue

The general question is, why do we even talk about the "choice". As I've said before, when it is suggested to men that they might want to discuss whether they are going to work or not, then women can talk about it!

I feel guilty just as any other parent of doing or not doing the correct thing and there are times when I'm grateful of advice or help. I do quite a good job of beating myself never mind anyone else doing it too. Current thinking doesn't always fit happily with what going on our lives and to be honest if you wait long enough (not even always that long) opinion will change anyway. Expert or not, opinions are just that and if experts don't agree why should their advice be any better than anyone elses. I remember being incredibly depressed after the birth of my ds when I felt as if I didn't know what I was doing (not sure I know now!) but the advice I was being given went from one extreme to another (and this was from medical staff within the same profession). I don't think any of us can doing everything perfectly, all we can do if we want to is our best. I don't understand why mum is always focused on - do fathers not exist. the Now I'm off to go and beat myself over something else.