Parenting is hard enough without the world judging you!!!

[lulu40]

I was going to follow on the thread about What do you do when you see someone slap a child - but really decided it might be easiser to start my own thread. What I would like to do is explain what happened to me recently that makes my blood boil. My ds and I were out shopping in the West End of London and I had told him to not to play up ie. not touch stuff etc etc I had told him more than once (he is approaching 5) anyway the long of the short of it he did of course touch stuff. When we left the shop I got down to eye level with him and proceeded to tell him off - not shout, not scream not smack - but literally ask him why he behaved in a way I had told him not to - a man passing by had the audacity to yell at me in the street to "leave him alone - give the kid a break". Why on earth do people in this country in particular feel its their god given right to interfere with your parenting. If I had been smacking him yelling at him or abusing him in some other way I could understand it but not even being allowed to chastise my own child is really quite ridiculous. I know there are people out that hurt their children and we have to be careful but I am so sick of the fact that we as parents in this country seem to think its OK to foist our opinions on others regarding childcare and I not just talking about discipline the likes of whether a parent is lazy because they use a dummy - there are so many things that wind me up about other parents judements of other parents - its a tough job wouldnt it better to try help each than constantly judge ourselves better.

I don't just think that children shouldn't be touched because of stranger-danger, although that is a part of it. It's simply a matter of respecting another person - we wouldn't dream of patting a strange adult on the head, or forcing our aunts to kiss us if they didn't want to, so why do we think it is okay to treat children like this?

IME children will let you know if they'd like a cuddle or a kiss. My cousin's dd would always take your hand or climb onto your lap unprompted, whereas her brother wasn't into any physical contact at all. Now that he's a super-cool 17 it's kisses on both cheeks!

The cultural thing is interesting though. I can remember being given gifts and sweets everywhere we went when on holiday in Athens when I was about 8. My parents would have freaked if this had been in England. But I think that in these sorts of cultures the adults are much more physically demonstrative with each other, too.

Don't you also find that when pregnant, strangers think they have a licence to pat your bump? I felt like bopping them over the head!

I vaguely remember as a small child absolutely hating having to visit my Nan (on Father's side, now passed away), because she would absolutely smother me and my Mother would have to try every trick in the book to persuade me to go in her house. To this day I find it very difficult to be 'huggy' with people.

This is interesting. I realised people here (west of Scotland) will lean into the pram or shopping trolley and pat my four month old son on the hand or tickle his chin on almost every shopping trip, and I really don't mind a bit
SO far it has not happened with anyone I consider creepy, and they always engage me in converation too, asking how old is he , saying he is lovely or whatever.
The point of the exercise seems to be to get the baby to smile!
In fact I am flattered they are admiring my baby.
In fact it is not unusual here for staff in restaurants to ask to hold your baby,which judging by some of the comments here would send some of you over the edge!
Have any of you experienced the tradition of putting coins in the pram of a newborn baby ( for luck)? I have had total strangers do this , as well as people who know me vaguely through work.
We used to joke that if we were short of cash we would take the baby for a spin round asda

Yes, Jasper, we had people putting coins into our son's first pushchair here in SE London.

star,I think the man touching your daughter was creepy because firstly he was a total stranger but secondly and because he touched your daughter when you were not looking at him, and without a nod of consent from you. That's a no no IMO.

However like Jasper I find my views on others holding my baby are very different to some posted here. I positively encouraged it after the first weeks when both my sons were born. I knew I would be going back to work all too soon and my babies would be looked after by other people for big chunks of the day. I wanted them to accept cuddles from other people - the ones I'd OK-ed of course - easily and happily. I thought it was easier on them to start this as young as possible.

Message withdrawn

We used to have strangers putting money into the pram, too. I'd never heard of it before moving to Scotland.

I suppose, at the end of the day, babies have evolved to make people want to take care of them and people are reacting instinctively when they try to touch them, a nurturing thing, maybe. Star's experience was an another ketle of fish entirely, though.

I don't mind people touching my two at all although I wouldn't be happy if it was done surreptitiously as in Star's experience. I also get very annoyed at people removing thumbs from mouths. I do however very much enjoy seeing the pleasure that people (particularly the elderly) get from interacting with small children.

I thought "crossing baby's palm" (giving it a 50p)was a Welsh thing, something along the lines if they can hold the money they'll be wealthy in adult life (hasn't helped me!)

It's quite normal for people to admire babies and kids here, TBH I sort of expect it...My 3 have all been little show-offs so they revel in the attention, shop assistants playing pi-po etc.
But I do get annoyed when DH's mother who sees the kids once a year smothers them, last time she wouldn't give me DS2 despite his crying and wriggling until he kicked her!
Also the sort of person who thinks "i'm great with babies", and insists on trying to rock them etc when they're crying.

I never minded people we or ds knew touching him or holding him, for the same reasons as articulated by Tigermoth so well. And I don't mind in the slightest strangers chatting to him so long as I am aware it is happening - we have made some good friends on our daily regular bus journeys, weekly trip to the library etc, as a friendly toddler is a great ice-breaker.
When he was tiny my mother took him round in a pushchair to see all the neighbours in their small Cumbrian town. To her surprise and mine they came back clanking, so many kind old folk had given him coins for his piggy bank. We had never come across this before!

I guess the thing with strangers is to teach that it's only OK to talk to stranges when a parent or family member is present.

I often smile at babies, children and harassed mothers but wouldn't go up and touch them unless I knew them. I had an elerly woman come running ver to me in a cafe once to say how gorgeous DS1 was. I thought it was a bit odd when she came hurrying over, beaming, but it turned out he'd been flirting outrageously with her behind my back

The only person who ever touched my bump without asking was a friend of DHs and I didn't mind because he was clearly excited at the thought of DH becoming a father.

The creepy man in Woolworths sounds scarey. I think I'd have shouted something rude at him.

I have to admit that I enjoy people admiring DS - after all he is gorgeous!! And he is the most attention-seeking little show-off you can imagine (no idea where he gets it from) so he also enjoys it. He is too little yet for me to get my head around stranger danger.

I like people to say that dd is pretty etc, but I do not like them touching her, or invading 'her space' and neither does she, and she makes it obvious my turning her head away to look at something else.
I hate interfering advice from family and strangers! I'm a vegetarian, my dh is not, but only occasionally eats meat outside of the home, so meat just ins't ever in our house. We made the decision to raise Aimée and future children as vegetarian until they are old enough to make their own decisions about meat and fish. I was at a christening recently for a friends baby, and a girl, 18 or so, tried to give dd a sausage roll. I said she didn't want it, and she still tried to give her it. I took it out of her hands, and said she was a vegetarian. This the prompted her to give me a lecture about how it was wrong to bring my child up as a vegetarian..and it was bad parenting! This made me so mad..especially when I later found my daughter with a sausage roll in her hand..obviously given to her to see if she'd eat it!
I've lots of comments about it from other people too..like it's got anything to do with them!
Another one is that I've just stopped breastfeeding, mutual decision between dd and I.
I had been recieving comments since she was born...21 months of them..as to when I was eventually going to stop breastfeeding! It makes my blood boil!!!
Well, I wont go on..I could go on all day about bedtimes, etc, but I wont!!lol

aimeesmum - wait till you get to the potty training issue

I love it when people talk to ds (10months) as it gives me a break and I and ds both love it. As long as they aren't dangerously filthy I've got nothing against cheek tickling etc either. The other day in a cafe he got 'chatting' to a sweet elderly lady who was with her daughter - the daughter was really embarassed as her mother had Alzheimers but she and ds seemed to really hit it off - they both looked delighted with each other and I thought it was so moving and touching that she was so happy and having a nice time with someone who just took her at face value, not as a mad old lady. He often gets a cuddle in local cafes too. As long as I'm around, he's fine, and I think it is baby self preservation only to feel happy with strangers if mum or dad is around. I hope he grows up trusting and sociable and believing that the world is generally a good place (subject to the usual caveats, of course).

Which isn't to say I'd be happy with shifty looking individuals trying to touch him secretly, of course..

Thats a lovely story Aloha and I agree with the sentiments you express.

Aloha, that is so cute! My ds is the same. Don't you think that it is lovely that children don't notice race, colour, age etc?

I heard a lovely story a while ago where a friend of the family's ds was telling his mum about a friend who had a certain toy at school. He had two friends with the same name in his class, one white and one black. His mummy said 'which George (made up name, can't remember the real one!) do you mean James?' His reply was, 'The one with the green jumper'.