I called my son a 'little shit' today

[Mythreeknights]

And I feel so very ashamed.

As the words came out of my mouth I was completely horrified but seemingly powerless to stop.

He is 7 and didn't even do anything that bad - he got into the front passenger seat of the car through the driver's door and planted muddy footprints all over the seat, which I then sat on.

I apologied immediately and said I shouldn't have said that, but he turned away from me and I could see he was working hard not to cry. I feel like I am wrecking his confidence and totally fucking my kids up. I called DS2 an 'idiot' the other day for saying something completely idiotic.

I feel like I am parenting so very badly - normally I'm pretty relaxed but sometimes I completely over-react. With today's situation I could have just wiped the seats like a normal person and said 'goodness me what a mess' but if I'm honest, I don't believe that would 'deal' with the situation sufficiently to stop him doing it again. (they know they are not supposed to crawl all over the car like it's a toy, and yet they do it).

What do you do when you are maddened by something your kids have done - how do you express your discontent in an adult way? How do I repair the damage I've done? My mum was very controlling and I see that I'm turning into her which is the absolute last thing I want to do.
Parenting tips please!! (I have just bought Toxic Parents and What to do when your children push your buttons).

I don't think that counts as me time, no, that's necessary and useful but that kind of therapy is not fun! I'm a huge worrier/guilt feeler and I have learned that it changes nothing, getting an early night is more likely to result in better parenting than going over and over old mistakes. I find it drags me further down, if I feel bad, I act worse. Spend the time planning instead

No that's not you time. What about exercise, pampering, child free time? Do you have a partner?

Telll yourself that you're not going to, I don't know, speak to them in a certain way anymore. You have to say it out loud and mean it. Maybe tell someone in real life. And it will be hard, you'll have slip ups, but you've made the commitment.

Seriously, try this book when you have the time.

Don't Worry you apologized immediately.
Try to label the behaviour not the child my ds is prone to labelling himself stupid etc so I remind him of this all the time

Buttered I could have written the script for that clip!

Op, don't be too hard on yourself. 7 year olds are little shits sometimes.
It sounds as though you've had a pretty awful time of it recently so could you make some time for yourself. Go for a swim or something

OP do try and take some time out for yourself, us Mums tend to put ourselves last in the pecking order but you do need some chill out time. Be selfless- let childminder or grandparents have the dc for an extra hour or so and have that time for yourself whether that be a gym class, hair beauty appointment or even just the house to yourself having a bubble bath candles glass wine on your own - anything that makes you chill a bit.
Please please don't get too hung up by calling him a shit. There's a great deal of difference by pointing out their bad behaviour (however it was said) and constantly degrading your child. Acknowledge the bad and praise the good. I don't believe you should shy away from telling your children when they have behaved inappropriately or badly/wrongly it will be a big shock to their system as they grow up if they have never been told this before.

I don't think I've ever said 'goodness me what a mess' in my life, more like 'for gods sake why don't you think before you do stupid things!'. Which is probably just as bad as what you said.

I do feel like as parents we are too critical but it doesn't seem to affect our children, they still do stupid things all the time! They are idiots sometimes! As long as they also receive a lot of love and are happy that's the main thing.

I see other parents be all gently spoken with their children but that's not me, I expect my kids to have a bit of something about them, I know they're children but they're not babies, they're smart and they are capable of rational thought. I don't expect them to be adults but we have to teach them to think things through. x