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Parenting

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Original poster

How do you handle a toddler who won't stay in their bed?

52 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 02/07/2016 19:29

My toddler is 2yr 3m and for the last 3-4 weeks he has been in a bed instead of a cot and it has caused a whole load of issues.

The main one is refusal to stay in his bed.

We have a stair gate across his door and a video monitor so I know he's safe and I can watch what he is up to but to be honest I don't know what is the right way to deal with it.

I'm torn between either completely ignoring him, letting him do as he wishes (within reason) until he eventually gives in/gets bored and goes to sleep...

OR....

Going in to him each time he gets out of bed, put him back in it and tell him it's bedtime.

I'm worried the first option means he will be up for hours causing trouble but then I'm worried the second option will just give him attention and turn bedtime into a fun game for him.

Any thoughts or suggestions will be most appreciated.

OP posts:

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billabye · 03/07/2016 16:46

We put the sides back on our 2.8 year old's cot after a month of misery. We asked her if she wanted the cot back and she said yes. She's been much better since. She's 3 in a couple of weeks but I'm reluctant to put her back in a bed until she's ready. It's tough

KP86 · 03/07/2016 18:54

Oh, I would also say that if you didn't take the sides off because DC was climbing out (like ours), leave them in there as long as possible! Even if it's in the same room for a while, asking each night which bed they want to sleep in.

BathshebaDarkstone · 03/07/2016 19:11

We left DS to his own devices. He soon learnt that the bed was more comfy than the floor!

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Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 03/07/2016 21:55

He only came out of his cot because he broke it, we didn't intend to put him in a bed at this age but it seemed like the most obvious solution to a broken cot.

We had another bad night last. He woke up at about 1am and come almost 3am he still hadn't gone back to sleep. I had gone in to him numerous to settle him but the minute I left his room he was out of bed again and calling for me at the stair gate. I was so exhausted. I looked at the time and thought "I've got to be up for work in three hours and I've only had two hours sleep" and decided to bring him into bed with me as I knew it was the only way either of us would get any more sleep

OP posts:

KP86 · 03/07/2016 21:58

What about normal bed for sleep and then if he wakes and won't settle quickly put in a travel cot? Have it set up and ready to go.

We had to do this as well (until DS worked out he could climb out of that too)

Whatever is needed to get you through!

ipswichwitch · 03/07/2016 22:09

I'm in a similar position op. On holiday last week our 2.5yo was supposed to share a room (twin beds) with his big brother. He buggered about that much and wouldn't go to sleep, he was waking his brother, so we ended up putting him in our room with me, and DH in with DS1.

We're going to have to move him to a bed at home, as he's trying to climb out of his cotbed, but I've no idea how to stop him messing about and making a racket, and getting him to stay in bed and sleep. Obviously there will be a stair gate in his door, but that won't stop him bouncing on his bed or swinging off his curtains!

corythatwas · 03/07/2016 23:49

I didn't have a gate between their room and ours, so if they woke up in the night, they just came in with us. The HV was horrified when I told her, but I pointed out that this was a Cultural Thing, and then she couldn't say anything. My db at one time used to share his bed with one partner, 3 children and 3 cats.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 04/07/2016 09:57

We had a shirt phase where we didn't have a stair gate across his room and it was a nightmare!

After a very, very bad night last night which resulted in me having an absolute meltdown and sobbing my heart out the bed is now coming out of his room and the travel cot is going in. I've just had enough of it now.

OP posts:

Youhaveupdates1 · 04/07/2016 12:04

It's hard work for a few nights/possibly weeks depending on how stubborn your little one is but for us the put back to bed method worked the best. Everytime he got out of bed we returned him silently with no eye contact and since he understood what was happening he goes to bed great now and sleeps through, occasionally we have the odd night where he calls out to us so we go in explain its night time and he lays down and goes back to sleep! One night we had to do the out back to bed method early am but he got the message that it was time to sleep and has been consistent ever since

Bottomchops · 04/07/2016 12:11

Oh no! Don't give up! Just ignore him. The novelty will wear off. Try it consistently for 5 days. Short term pain, long term gain.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 04/07/2016 12:25

I can't cope anymore. I can't remember the last time I got more than 5 hours sleep a night, and it's broken sleep at that.

In the early hours of Sunday morning he was awake between about 1-3am and I then had to get up for work at 6am for a 13 hour shift.

I got home last night at about 9pm (I'm out the house for over 14 hours) and I was exhausted. I collapsed into bed and after not even two hours sleep I was woken up by him and he kept me up for 2.5 hours and didn't go back to sleep again until 3am again. He was then up again at 5.30am.

That means in a 24 hour period I only had 4.5 hours sleep. And that's how it is most nights

It's been almost a month now of him being in his bed and things aren't improving at all. I'm exhausted all the time and doing such long shifts on such little sleep is just unbearable and not safe really (I'm a paediatric nurse).

At 2.30am this morning I had my coat and shoes on as I was about to just walk out the house to get away from him. I felt so angry towards him as I was exhausted and all he wanted to do was mess about. I was in absolute tears. My DH talked me down though and after DS finally settled at just before 3am I crashed out where he allowed me the luxury of another two hours sleep

Me and DH are on our knees now. He's s teacher so also has long hours and a stressful job so for both of us to be so sleep deprived is really taking its toll on us and we are having petty arguments too because we're both so tired.

I'm about to get DS his lunch and then he's going into the cot for a nap and I can't wait for the sensation of knowing he won't be able to run amok.

OP posts:

Bottomchops · 04/07/2016 12:34

I've been there. Sounds like you should tackle it again in the summer when dh is off work and allow you more sleep. When you try again consistently ignore him, it doesn't matter if he crashes on the floor. It won't be forever. He has to learn that at bedtime he will not get any further attention. He's still young but I do recommend the gro clock.

Youhaveupdates1 · 04/07/2016 12:34

I felt the same as you when ds wasn't sleeping, he would also wake in the night anytime from 11pm and not settle unless we had him in with us which meant we all had a pretty restless night! The change in him once we managed to get him to self settle was quite amazing!
How does he go to sleep at night, does he settle on his own or with u there?
Tiredness is sole destroying and until recently I hadn't had one night of solid sleep so I can sympathise

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 04/07/2016 12:41

He goes to sleep fine at night on his own. We had a few issues st first of him keep getting out of bed or not wanting to be on his own. At first we had to stay with him until he fell asleep but took on the gradual retreat approach and for the last week we've been able to just say goodnight to him and leave him on his own. Sometimes he's asleep within minutes and other times it takes about 30 minutes but it isn't really problematic.

The trouble starts when he wakes at 1am and wants to play.

I've got ten days off at the start of August so I'm thinking we will just tackle it then as neither DH or I will have to worry about work.

OP posts:

Youhaveupdates1 · 04/07/2016 12:57

Sounds like a good idea, it's much harder to crack on with any form of sleep training when your going to work the next day!!
I read in a book that toddlers wake after four hours and if they struggle to self settle then they will want/need you there to help them which is why I wondered how your ds went to sleep but he seems happy enough to go to sleep on his own initially!

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 04/07/2016 13:00

He was a great sleeper when in his cot, went 8-6 usually but if he did wake at any point he would easily go back off to sleep on his own.

I knew the transition into a bed would have a few hiccups but this is more than I can handle at the moment

OP posts:

billabye · 04/07/2016 13:43

OP would getting a sleep consultant be an option? Maybe to coincide with your August break? When things have been really bad for us we considered it and will definitely go down that route if things get unbearable again. I know they're not cheap but I think worth it if you possibly can afford it.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 04/07/2016 13:54

We used a asleep Consultant when DS was 10 months old as we had a lot of problems and I was near breaking point. The package I used was only £90, the woman was fantastic and she saved my life I think (and my marriage).

When we do put him back in a bed we will absolutely use her strategies again but I know I need to wait until I have that time off work because I just don't have the mental or physical strength for it between my shifts.

I'm currently feeling positive though as I put DS in the travel cot for a nap and after 20 minutes of protest he went to sleep!! He's having his first proper daytime nap in about 3 weeks and I'm over the moon!!

OP posts:

Convenientflush · 04/07/2016 17:35

Sounds like you're doing the right thing for all of you. Your DS must be overtired too, which won't help. Hope you get a better night sleep tonight.

Ifiwasabadger · 04/07/2016 18:01

My 3 year old is still in a cot for this very reason, sleeps 13 hours a night with a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon.

If you've put him back in a Travel cot and it's working, why not stick with it and see what happens?

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 04/07/2016 19:43

He only had a short nap in his cot, about 45 minutes, but it's still 45 more minutes than if he'd been in his bed.

I put him in the TC for bed, he kissed me goodnight, lay down and was asleep within 10 minutes and he didn't make a peep!!

OP posts:

Ifiwasabadger · 06/07/2016 14:16

oh great news that he got some sleep. my best friend asked me just yesterday "when will your DD go into a bed" and i described this thread to her...never!

OP I remember you from the sleepless threads...do whatever works i say!

splendide · 06/07/2016 14:31

Hope you had a better night last night - if he's sleeping well in the travel cot then I'd definitely leave him there!

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 06/07/2016 17:43

He's definitely better in the travel cot, the last two nights were the best night's sleep this household has had in a long time.

He was at nursery yesterday so didn't have a nap but today he had his usual 1.5 hour nap in the TC and it was bliss.

I'm just so relieved that he's finally able to get some sleep, it was awful seeing him so sleep deprived and he's so much happier now he's back to getting 10-11 hours a day again.

I'm going to burn the bed

OP posts:

2016Hopeful · 07/07/2016 10:18

This thread brings me back to those nightmare years!! Keep him in the cot for as long as possible! Maybe just get a longer and higher one built ready for when he can climb out of that!!! (Joke!)

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