Did any of you wish deep down you had stuck with one child?

[SquareholeRoundpeg]

Hello all, I am a very happy mum to a beautiful 5 year old DS. We have been thinking about going for a second child but keep putting it off as we are enjoying life as it is and are afraid of the risk factors.

We know if we want to do it we will have to just get on with it, I am not getting any younger! However I don't want to regret it!

I was just wondering if any of you had a second child and wishes, in retrospect, you had stayed with the one?

Thanks

[youknowwhattodo]

I have two dc (3 year age gap) and i don't ever wish I had stuck with one but i do sometimes think how easy it was with just one - i did find it hard in the early years and felt guilty towards eldest dd, but now they are best friends and when i see that i am glad i made the choice to have 2 dc

[KittyandTeal]

Square I know but for me it is looking for positives of only having one. I'm not in a position to be thinking about any more children, it's not an option that's open to us anymore.

Maybe this isn't quite the right thread for me.

[MothershipG]

I have 2 DC, 2 years apart, and had always planned to have 2 and I'm very happy that I did. I obviously love both my children but have more in common with DC2, so very glad to have them.

But my DC never really played together or had much in common so I think DC1 would have been perfectly happy as an only and DC2 would as well.

So have another if you want but remember, especially with the age gap, they are not likely to entertain each other much.

[FleeBee]

I was going to have 1 child fertility issues. & getting old. However DC2 was an unexpected surprise. I loved being an only child so I was happy to just have one. There are benefits of 2 they sometimes play nicely together. The older one does look out for the younger & they sometimes have a nice bond.
Downsides are : the fighting, I've never experienced anything like it. Expense of 2 of most things as not everything can be handed down. Logistics of juggling 2 different interests/clubs lots of driving about. Although you can just say no! Guilt at not spending time one on one with either child.

The hardest thing for me now as an adult with no siblings is having to cope with my mum who is unwell & not having anyone to share the burden with. My father passed away & my mother is also an only child so there is just me & her. That said DH came from a large family but with divorce, emigration & other issues he has barely any contact with his family so who knows what family can do for you?

[WhoKnowsWhereTheT1meGoes]

No, I have two, now aged 10 and 12. I do remember thinking this before TTC DC2, but we had always intended to have two so we went for it. I have never regretted it for a minute. However I have several friends with one DC the same age as my youngest and I can see that there are definitely pros and cons.

[elQuintoConyo]

My 'D'sis hated me from birth and still does, she is two years older and we are early 30s. I'm more than happy with 1 dc.

It annoys and, yes, upsets other people (even though it is none of their damn business) that we are sticking to 1. We have a variety of readons, but we are quite happy with our 1 little Pickle

[NapQueen]

I don't regret having a second, as I didn't feel done after dc1, and know I'd always have been "what if?"

Having now had a second I know I am done, and had I known how challenging I would find it, I may have spent longer weighing up my decision.

It really is impossible to know how you will find it. I can't go back in time and say "this is going to be fucking hard" and if I could, would I have listened to myself?

I adore both of my children. However them being 18mo and 4.4yo I feel I am really "in the thick of it" at the moment. I am certain that within two years I will feel like I can breathe again.

Going out and about with just one of them is bliss!

[KnotNora]

No.

The positives far outweigh the negatives. They fight like cat and dog but they're always there for each other. Yesterday DD was upset at playtime and DS and DD left their mates to go look after her. They always have kids to play with on holiday and camping. It's family innit (Eastenders emoji)

[juneau]

Life would probably have been simpler if we'd stuck with one, but no, I'm very glad we had another for lots of reasons: a playmate in childhood, someone to share the burden of caring for parents when older, someone to share the burden of parents' and grandparents' expectations (neither my sister nor DH's sister have had DC so ours are the only GC on both sides).

The families I know with one certainly have an easier time logistically and financially, but they seem to constantly be mindful of the DC having playmates around, which puts pressure on them, whereas if you have more than one you don't have to worry so much about that and I'm a lazy arse so that suits me.

[Sammysquiz]

When DC2 was tiny I did have moments of guiltily thinking 'you've made life so hard, we shouldn't have had you' (I had PND) but once he was old enough to play with DC1 it got so much easier & more fun. They are 4 and 2 now, and I love seeing the bond between them.

[splendide]

I'm wondering. I had dreadful PND (suicidal at one point) and used to lie awake wishing he hadn't been born. He's 18 months now and I love him so much and love spending time with him and the thought that I would have reversed my decision to have him if I could have makes my blood run cold.

DH and I spent the whole first year assuring each other that we would never do it again. Then the other day he said "I can see why people have more than one now" so now I'm uncertain.

I think I will stick at one (I'm 36 apart from anything else) but the idea of having a second and doing it "right" is really starting to prey on my mind. I didn't enjoy DS as a baby at all maybe I could enjoy another? Or what if it's worse? The state I was in I don't think I can risk doing it to DS. :(

[ColinFirthsGirth]

Nope, never regretted having two. The bond they have is lovely

[ayesar]

I have 2 and can't imagine ever just having one. I always knew I wanted 2 at least. One would be so boring for me. With 2 there is always entertainment in the house lol!

[FelicityR313]

I have one and she would not cope with being a sibling. Occasionally, she requests a little brother or sister, but a dose of reality and she is like 'no, actually I think I'm fine on my own'.
The reality for me as a parent to a single child is that I get to focus every bit of parenting energy I have on her (I have just about enough for one child).
Some people are more maternal/paternal. I'm not.

To dd it is extremely important to have cousins etc; once they don't come near her Mammy (woe betide any cousin who sits on Mammy's knee!)!

She has the added bliss of being the first born grand-child and the associated adoration.

She spent 2 years from 1.5 to 3.5 yrs as the most junior member of a large tribe (6 other children). She learned a lot there lol (mainly that she was not the centre of the universe). She still goes back for holidays there.

I think some people are born to be parents, some are accidental and some (moi), are disastrous (if well-intentioned!) parents.

The relationships dd has with the extended family (including aunts, uncles, first cousins, second cousins) are enough for her to feel and BE part of a close-knit family/community.

Whenever she requests another brother/sister I ask her 'why would I want another one, when God gave me a perfect one'. She goes off with an alternately grinning smile and a quizzical/sceptical eyebrow raised.

[Lovemylittlebears]

Kitty I have had three miscarriages and then got lucky with out little boy and a lot of extra help. We had to go private unfortunately the NHS services where I live are a bit crap but others have some good services. Not sure if you have accessed those already? Feel free toPM me I couldn't recommend the clinic I used more highly and was the cheaper of a few options I looked at. X

[Lovemylittlebears]

OP I absoloutely love having two children. Can't imagine life any other way though yes the running of each day is tougher but with a five year gap other friends that have had a similar gap to yours have found things quite smooth with the older one being at school during the week. Equally I have friends with one that get to do loads with that one child and are really happy.

[KittyandTeal]

Thank you lovemy. My losses are not linked to the same thing so I am now high risk for trisomies (even higher now as I'm coming up to 35) and high risk for an, as of yet, unexplained late loss.

Tbh it illustrated feels like a more sensible choice for us to stop now. I don't have the strength to face even a healthy but anxiety ridden pregnancy let alone about her tfmr or late mc.

[jellycake]

I only have one, I never planned it like that and, as an only child myself, wanted at least two but, circumstances... However, I've been an only parent for 11 years and thank my lucky stars that there is only one as I don't know how I would've coped financially if my ds had brothers or sisters!

[AuntieMaryHadACanary]

DS was an only child for 5 years, as we had complications inbetween having him and DS2. My honest answer is that I never felt completely comfortable during those 5 years with having an only child. I just wanted him to have a sibling, and for us to be more than a family of 3. I have been so lucky, despite the age gap, my boys are great friends and we never had any issues with jealousy etc. I keep waiting for the time when they go their separate ways a bit more, maybe during the teenage years, but so far its all been positive.

[BettyBi0]

It's a bit late for me now as DC2's arrival is imminent but I do sometimes wonder if I've made a terrible mistake.

DC1 is 2 and a bit and I love the quality time we have together but as the terrible 2s hit home I'm seriously worried about how I'll cope with a newborn in the mix.

I come from a big family and didn't enjoy it as a child but I thank my lucky stars for my siblings now as they are some of my closest friends and support with aging parents.

Down sides as a child - never having any privacy, space, quiet, money. Often feeling neglected or mixed up with others. Constant chaos and rows between siblings, having to share bloomin everything all the bloomin time - I'm super protective of my own space and stuff now haha.

They say that you just cope with it all, that love multiplies, that the sibling bond and playing together is amazing. But what if it doesn't work like that and DC2 has extra needs or a health condition that turns your family upside down?? I guess it's always a risk but when everything with one child just feels so damn lovely it's almost as if it's only right our luck should run out. Probably just hormonal pregnancy talking but change is a scary thing

[eyebrowse]

Never - but we did have a short gap so did not have going back to baby stage and two dc at different life stages and wanting different things.

[kiki22]

My mum sometimes says she wishes she just had stuck with me however I think its because my sister has been hard work into adulthood, I think she only feels it when my sister is being very hard work causing chaos and I'm just getting on with life normally, I think if she did have the choice to go back and stick with 1 she wouldn't. She did actively try to put me off having a second child though 😒

[splendide]

I had a long chat with DH today and we've decided to stick at one. I felt immensely relieved after the conversation so I think that shows it's the right call for me.

I'm feeling quite optimistic about our future as a little threesome!

[Terrifiedandregretful]

I've surprised myself by not wanting a second at all. I think if they arrived aged 1 I might consider it, but I can't do that first year again. Dd (2) is such amazing good fun now I can't imagine having to deal with a newborn and not be able to just enjoy her company. And when she is older I imagine us being like The Gilmore Girls which makes me happy! (I'm a secondary school teacher so do genuinely enjoy the company of teenagers). My best friend is an only and is evangelical about how great it is, which has helped me with the odd pangs of guilt and doubt. All of the only children I know are absolutely lovely - my theory is because they didn't grow up having to fight their corner.

[Lovemylittlebears]

Oh I'm so sorry kitty. A late loss is absoloutely heart breaking. Life can be such a twat sometimes. Hope you have good friends and family around you xxx