Did any of you wish deep down you had stuck with one child?

[SquareholeRoundpeg]

Hello all, I am a very happy mum to a beautiful 5 year old DS. We have been thinking about going for a second child but keep putting it off as we are enjoying life as it is and are afraid of the risk factors.

We know if we want to do it we will have to just get on with it, I am not getting any younger! However I don't want to regret it!

I was just wondering if any of you had a second child and wishes, in retrospect, you had stayed with the one?

Thanks

[GiveMyHeadPeaceffs]

My ds is 10 months old and I'm 43. I've no intention of having anymore and I'm currently trying to persuade my dp to get the snip
I only ever wanted one child and tbh it's for purely selfish reasons. I can afford to give one lots of things that I never had and I don't just mean material things. Plus because I had my ds at 42 I want to eventually get back to having some of the things I had pre-ds and be able to share them with him. So no, I have no issues with having an only...the poor wee sod will grow up under the full focus of my attention

[Terramirabilis]

We're currently vaguely contemplating when to go for no 2. We will do it. My DH is an only child and regrets the fact as does my DM who's in the same position.

I don't think every only child regrets their status (and of course they may be looking at having siblings with rose-tinted glasses since by definition they don't really know what it's like) but I certainly know several onlies who wish they'd had siblings. It's enough to convince me (1 of 3).

[Husbanddoestheironing]

Only when my 2 are fighting

[waterrat]

My mum is an only child. She said seeing me and my sister olay together gave her a real shock to see what she had missed out on.

My two are only 2 and 4 and as someone else said...The love and affection between them is amazing.

[Daisyandbabies]

No, I feel like having a second is the biggest gift I could have given my first born. They're best friends and entertain each other a lot of time, which also makes it easier for me

[superme3]

We have 3 kids. We had 3 under 4. Do I regret them - no.
I often wish we had more time/money/family support etc. I love seeing them interacting together and their different personalities growing. Definitely 100% glad we have more than 1.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Never regretted having a second - dc1 was so demanding (not in terms of tantrums or bad behaviour but in terms of insisting on my full attention every waking moment and not playing alone, always wanting me to play make believe with her) as an only / first child that as soon as DC2 could crawl and she could make him into a playmate he made my life easier! He has also always been a good sleeper, so whilst their were tricky moments (DC1 climbing onto windowsills or kitchen counters and telling me I had to stop breast feeding DC2 and get her down sticks Iin my mind) the only jealousy was of that attention seeking kind, and never spite directed at the baby.

Once DC2 was mobile 2 was always easier than one for me as they were such a little unit. I know most people don't say that, and we do have a small age gap and DC2 caught up with dc1 physically very quickly - he's big and strong and well coordinated - so he never seemed to hold her up, and by 3 and 5 they were often mistaken for twins (and still are at nearly 9 and nearly 11).

Going from 2 to 3 was a whole different story and I did have moments, even Werks, of thinking we'd made a huge mistake. Bigger gap and total non sleeping baby who became a rather feral non sleeping toddler who could climb like a chimp by 13 months old and refused to toilet train easily like the older 2 did were the main reasons :o He's lovely now he's 5 :o

I think I'd think twice about having a DC2 if your dc1 is already 5 - my dc1 was 5 when DC3 was born, and although she adores him it'smuch more a one way relationship where she "looks after" him and deigns to play with him because she's nice, and he looks up to her, rather than the pretty equal relationship/ friendship the older two with a barely 2 year gap have. I don't think a baby sibling would be a playmate for a 5 year old / a 2 year old would be a playmate for a 7 year old, so much as a plaything :o

[bigkidsdidit]

Honestly- I did for the first 18 months. It was very hard, life was easy before! We walk everywhere and do lots of activities and lots of eating out etc and taking a baby / toddler along was really hard. Really hard. I loved him so much but couldn't stop imagining what it would be like if it had stayed just ds1.

Now ds2 is nearly 3 and it has got easier in a rush! He's potty trained, he can play by himself for ten minutes, he can ride a scooter so no more buggies. And when I hear the two of them playing and guffawing away I know I was right to have another.

[GreenRug]

I've got 3. There are moments when they're all wanting different things, screaming ete etc when I think why did I have ANY children but all in all no, I don't regret it. I've never met anyone who said they regretted having a second but then I guess it's not something you talk about openly really is it? You'll know what's right for you op.

[MyLocal]

No! Now age 19 the three girls that were only children from DD school that she knew well, are all horrible, narcisstic brats. They have remained PFB to their parents and their social skills with their peers are downright awful, I would never wish that on any child's future.

[tellmemore1982]

Absolutely not. Despite the fact that I have found the transition to two to be hard by a multiple of many more than two, the fact that they have each other and will do for the rest of their lives to me is more important than any of the practical difficulties I've had.

[Lovemylittlebears]

Oh I'm so sorry kitty. A late loss is absoloutely heart breaking. Life can be such a twat sometimes. Hope you have good friends and family around you xxx

[Terrifiedandregretful]

I've surprised myself by not wanting a second at all. I think if they arrived aged 1 I might consider it, but I can't do that first year again. Dd (2) is such amazing good fun now I can't imagine having to deal with a newborn and not be able to just enjoy her company. And when she is older I imagine us being like The Gilmore Girls which makes me happy! (I'm a secondary school teacher so do genuinely enjoy the company of teenagers). My best friend is an only and is evangelical about how great it is, which has helped me with the odd pangs of guilt and doubt. All of the only children I know are absolutely lovely - my theory is because they didn't grow up having to fight their corner.

[splendide]

I had a long chat with DH today and we've decided to stick at one. I felt immensely relieved after the conversation so I think that shows it's the right call for me.

I'm feeling quite optimistic about our future as a little threesome!

[kiki22]

My mum sometimes says she wishes she just had stuck with me however I think its because my sister has been hard work into adulthood, I think she only feels it when my sister is being very hard work causing chaos and I'm just getting on with life normally, I think if she did have the choice to go back and stick with 1 she wouldn't. She did actively try to put me off having a second child though 😒

[eyebrowse]

Never - but we did have a short gap so did not have going back to baby stage and two dc at different life stages and wanting different things.

[BettyBi0]

It's a bit late for me now as DC2's arrival is imminent but I do sometimes wonder if I've made a terrible mistake.

DC1 is 2 and a bit and I love the quality time we have together but as the terrible 2s hit home I'm seriously worried about how I'll cope with a newborn in the mix.

I come from a big family and didn't enjoy it as a child but I thank my lucky stars for my siblings now as they are some of my closest friends and support with aging parents.

Down sides as a child - never having any privacy, space, quiet, money. Often feeling neglected or mixed up with others. Constant chaos and rows between siblings, having to share bloomin everything all the bloomin time - I'm super protective of my own space and stuff now haha.

They say that you just cope with it all, that love multiplies, that the sibling bond and playing together is amazing. But what if it doesn't work like that and DC2 has extra needs or a health condition that turns your family upside down?? I guess it's always a risk but when everything with one child just feels so damn lovely it's almost as if it's only right our luck should run out. Probably just hormonal pregnancy talking but change is a scary thing

[AuntieMaryHadACanary]

DS was an only child for 5 years, as we had complications inbetween having him and DS2. My honest answer is that I never felt completely comfortable during those 5 years with having an only child. I just wanted him to have a sibling, and for us to be more than a family of 3. I have been so lucky, despite the age gap, my boys are great friends and we never had any issues with jealousy etc. I keep waiting for the time when they go their separate ways a bit more, maybe during the teenage years, but so far its all been positive.

[jellycake]

I only have one, I never planned it like that and, as an only child myself, wanted at least two but, circumstances... However, I've been an only parent for 11 years and thank my lucky stars that there is only one as I don't know how I would've coped financially if my ds had brothers or sisters!

[KittyandTeal]

Thank you lovemy. My losses are not linked to the same thing so I am now high risk for trisomies (even higher now as I'm coming up to 35) and high risk for an, as of yet, unexplained late loss.

Tbh it illustrated feels like a more sensible choice for us to stop now. I don't have the strength to face even a healthy but anxiety ridden pregnancy let alone about her tfmr or late mc.

[Lovemylittlebears]

OP I absoloutely love having two children. Can't imagine life any other way though yes the running of each day is tougher but with a five year gap other friends that have had a similar gap to yours have found things quite smooth with the older one being at school during the week. Equally I have friends with one that get to do loads with that one child and are really happy.

[Lovemylittlebears]

Kitty I have had three miscarriages and then got lucky with out little boy and a lot of extra help. We had to go private unfortunately the NHS services where I live are a bit crap but others have some good services. Not sure if you have accessed those already? Feel free toPM me I couldn't recommend the clinic I used more highly and was the cheaper of a few options I looked at. X

[FelicityR313]

I have one and she would not cope with being a sibling. Occasionally, she requests a little brother or sister, but a dose of reality and she is like 'no, actually I think I'm fine on my own'.
The reality for me as a parent to a single child is that I get to focus every bit of parenting energy I have on her (I have just about enough for one child).
Some people are more maternal/paternal. I'm not.

To dd it is extremely important to have cousins etc; once they don't come near her Mammy (woe betide any cousin who sits on Mammy's knee!)!

She has the added bliss of being the first born grand-child and the associated adoration.

She spent 2 years from 1.5 to 3.5 yrs as the most junior member of a large tribe (6 other children). She learned a lot there lol (mainly that she was not the centre of the universe). She still goes back for holidays there.

I think some people are born to be parents, some are accidental and some (moi), are disastrous (if well-intentioned!) parents.

The relationships dd has with the extended family (including aunts, uncles, first cousins, second cousins) are enough for her to feel and BE part of a close-knit family/community.

Whenever she requests another brother/sister I ask her 'why would I want another one, when God gave me a perfect one'. She goes off with an alternately grinning smile and a quizzical/sceptical eyebrow raised.

[ayesar]

I have 2 and can't imagine ever just having one. I always knew I wanted 2 at least. One would be so boring for me. With 2 there is always entertainment in the house lol!