And baby makes four...

[GeorginaA]

I know it's only been half a day, but I really want to do better tomorrow. I've managed to do and say all the wrong things to ds1 in respect to the newborn, to the point where he stormed upstairs to bed telling daddy "I want to be small".

A selection of what I've said today:

"be gentle... mind his eyes.... no don't stroke him now, it's distracting I want him to feed.... keep the noise down... no don't throw your toys around"

I really thought it would be the other way around - that I wouldn't bond with the baby and would see him as an irritation in respect to my firstborn darling. Ds1 comes home and he looks so HUGE and clumsy (did my s-i-l give him growth hormone while he was away?!) and I've done all the wrong things without thinking about it.

Ideas for a new start tomorrow? How did everyone else cope with introducing the second?

arabella2 your have about the same gap as me my ds was 2.4 when dd was born and I agree with you that there is probably a "naughty" phase surfacing around this time that coincided with arrival of dd's for both our poor ds's! Bad timing! If I had known about this I would have done it sooner, friend who have had a 16/17/18 month gap have had a relatively easy time compared to us.mine are nearly four and 18 mths now - if you ever want to talk about things just contact me I know it can be so hard. you sound like you are doing all the right things.

GeorginaA - an ok day with you?

Not too bad - apart from the point where ds1 slapped me and told me he didn't like me

We had some giggles though before his bedtime, so overall felt so-so.

Oh my, all this brings back memories of those early days (DS1 3yrs 9months, DS2 10 months). We did the same thing as Midden, with the book, except I sit on the floor leaning against sofa while DS1 sits between my legs, That way he feels like he is getting cuddles too.
Funnily enough prufrock my DS1 tried to stand on DS2 yesterday, with pretty much the same results - lots of yelling and floods of tears.
They do get on really well though, and it's great once they start to smile, if you get it right you can stand behind pfb while "engineering" smile from nsc, and remarking "see how much they love you, look at that smile!" Happily nsc now smiles automatically pfb comes into the room, as he seems to emulate everything his big brother does. I think we all must go through those guilty feelings. My overriding memory is on DS1's 3rd birthday, DS2 was 4 weeks old, I'd had 5 hours sleep in 2.5 hour lots, and lost it when he had toys spread all over the floor (and I mean ALL over). He looked up at me and said in tears "but Mummy it's my special birthday" I felt about the most crap Mum in the entire universe. One thing I do find works well when you have to furiously back pedal, as I did then, is to apologise, and explain it's because you're tired/busy/insane, but that Mummy didn't mean it,and shouldn't have behaved like that. This seemed to open up a whole new concept- Mummy does bad things too. I think it made him feel like he wasn't the only one in the wrong. Can also sooo empathise with the pfb seeming really huge on return from hospital, we were convinced my parents had been feeding him nothing but lard while they had him!
Grin and bear it GA, it does get better eventually, honest!

GeorginaA try not to take the not liking you thing from ds too personaly, expressing your feelings like that is a powerful tool which you have obviously given him and great that he can do that. I know it is heartbreaking to hear but he is letting it out - and that in itself is positive.

Completely agree with you Mdden, we were relieved that DS1's anger seemed to be directed at us and not at DS2. This meant we felt able to talk to him about his feelings, and reassure him that we loved him, even if he didn't feel that way about us. If there had been lots of incidents of him hitting out at DS2, this would have probably resulted in much histerical shouting on my part, and not a good brotherly relationship.
The fact that he knows how to express his anger with you is ( I think) far healthier than himbottling it all up, not knowing what to do with it.

Midden, don't worry I didn't take it too personally - he's said that before, usually when he's cross with us for telling him off and just before adding "I like Nana..."

Feeling smug this morning because ds2 is a lousy sleeper, only slept last night because I gave up and held him in my arms upright for a couple of hours (yes, I'm insane), then ds1 managed to get him back to sleep by getting one of his musical toys and playing it to ds2. Heaped TONS of praise on him, and ds1 looked so proud of himself being the capable big brother

I have been told that its a really good idea to give dd's and ds's 1 a baby doll so that they can change nappies, feed, dress and put to bed their baby when you are dealing with yours. All my friends seem to have done this and its worked so they've told me, I've yet to try as my d?2 is expected in September and my dd will be 2 and 3 months but I will definately give it a go. After reading this thread I am terrified I already have a dd who gets upset if my dh puts his arm around me by saying " My Mummy!!" but it sounds like youre doing a really good job, keep it up!