Potty Training

[Hmonty]

Thought I'd share some good news on the potty training front. Having read some of the discussions on this web site we invested in the Gina Ford Confident child book and followed her potty training suggestions. She is very prescriptive so we didn't follow everything exactly to the letter but close enough (for instance my son just wasn't interested in the star chart so we stopped that after a couple of days)- and it worked! After a couple of days my 2.5 year old was dry and clean all day with only the odd accident. By the end of the first week we had no accidents and by the end of the second we he was doing all the asking for the toilet for himself...and we haven't looked back.

We started things off one weekend and then passed all the instructions over to the nursery and childminder. (Slight hick up with the childminder as she didn't follow our instructions and so had lots of wet trousers....but don't get me started on that moan!). Otherwise all went very smoothly.
I'd definitely recommend her method in this area.

[Lizzer]

I know this may sound extremely stupid but my 15 month old daughter LOVES her potty! It was brought out about a month ago to make it seem a part of the surroundings with a view to starting potty training sometime this summer when she's 18 months+, as recomended by all. However after ignoring it completely for a while she now wishes to have books read to her and songs sung to her while sitting on it. I often let her have a wander round without a nappy on and she knows when she's either going to, or is doing, a wee or poo by saying "ooo wee wee". But I just feel this is far too soon, isn't it? You aren't supposed to even try til at least 18 months, does anyone know of any sucesses before this age? Could she be ready, what are the signs? I really don't want to be the ultimate pushy 1st time mum.....need help please!!

[Ems]

Lizzer, just go with the flow (so to speak). She sounds a clever little thing. Having it around, making it fun and interesting is half the battle. It's not too early if she can express herself. Many problems start, because children don't have the speech to say they need a wee or a poo. With our son, he always sat on it for a while before he got in the bath, and during the day teddies used to be on it and loo roll all over the bathroom! You wait til that potty is in your handbag and becoming a real part of the family!!

[Lizzer]

Ems,
Thanks for your reply, I am trying not to stress too much about it and let her do her own thing. Guess the real reason I'm worried it's too soon is that we have a lot of long journeys in the car ahead this summer, when we do a whirlwind tour of the UK visiting every relation and friend I've ever known ( slight exageration! ). I can't imagine not only coping with timing her naps with driving, but potty stops aswell, aargh....I thought this parenting malarkey was supposed to get easier, ha ha!! But I guess as you mentioned the potty will become a part of the family sometime of other.
I'm going to baby clinic this afternoon to get her weighed ( I realised it's been 4 months since the last - not that I'm worried, but isn't it funny how you get so not bothered, this time last year I was there without fail every week! )and I was tempted to ask the HV about it but I think their standard answer is 'not until they're 2' - or so my friends tell me..... Thanks for your advice, this was my 1st posting here and it's lovely for me to talk to other Mums, read loads of stuff last night and it's great, wish I'd known about this site 15 months ago!!

[Sml]

Lizzer, I remember feeling worried at the prospect of potty stops, but you just have to take it easy, it's not that hard in the end. All children are different aren't they, maybe your daughter is an early learner? My son understood incredibly early (by about 16 months) what it was all about, and even woke up a few times in the night demanding the potty! But he didn't really have reliable control, so I didn't push it a lot, and he seemed content to wait until his body had caught up at around 2 1/2 years old before going into pants.

[Lizzer]

Ems,
Oh disaster!! I went to the baby clinic and listened to the HV whom I'd never seen before telling me that I should wait and put the potty away, blah blah. That wasn't so bad but the fact that my sweet little daughter decided to have THE biggest tantrum of her LIFE ( can it be the terrible 2's at 15 months? )It was HORRID and I never want to be in public with her again. Not only did she fling and scream and hit me, but she woke all the newborns in the entire room who all joined in the chorus and I was getting THE worst stares from parents. ARGH! We're still not talking and I 've barricaded myself in this tiny little computer room to escape for 2 mins while she gets on with it ( Is that what you're supposed to do, just ignore? ). Now what was I saying about it supposed to be getting easier...!!

[Ems]

Lizzer, snap!! My 15 month old has also started terrible twos, I didnt think it to be true, but life is horrible at the mo. His big brother (who was an angel) is playing with him in the garden, whilst I destress! Yes, ignore them, as long as they're safe, leave them to it. And DONT put the potty away, its part of her fun now and she knows all about it, just go along at their pace. It doesnt matter, there are no timescales on anything, and no right or wrong ways. Try reading Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green it is a really good book. Bath time beckons ...

[Lizzer]

Snap-a-rama Ems! You won't believe it but I just got Toddler Taming out of the library today!! How freaky is that, I flicked through it whilst madam was bathing and it looks good, not patronizing at all.
Yes I'm going to bin the HV's advice, I used to have a lovely, chilled out one who knew the family but she retired and now I get a different one everytime I go. So I guess it's pottys-R-us from now on!!
Love to chat to you some more soon you seem to have loads of good advice. Maybe we could swap some toddlers from hell stories! Right, Bedtime at last...yipee!!
( PS If you want to know more about me I wrote a bit in 'having a baby alone')

[Hmonty]

Not quite the right thread here but I've got to have a gloat. I was getting a lot of pressure (and disapproval) from my inlaws as my eldest wasn't out of nappies at 2 years like his cousin (who's a year older). Due to the pressure we started trying to train him over christmas and it was a bit of a disaster with lots of stress all round so we left it until the beginning of February and then followed Gina Ford's advice....and he cracked it in a week! I was so chuffed. Then, to top it all a month later he's suddenly dry at night and has been now for about 3 weeks....yet his cousin still uses nappies at night! I'm so chuffed. I wouldn't normally gloat as I think kids have the right to develop in their own time....but I did make a big point of telling my sister in law and Mum in law - Especially as my MIL on returning from her usual 6 months in Portugal said that I must be so pleased that Tomas was finally 'clean'...Implying that he'd been dirty before?? Should have seen her face when I said that he was now dry at night as well.... Ha!

[Hmonty]

Incidently I've used the Toddler Taming book as well. Excellent for getting a good night's sleep (if you can cope with controlled crying). Tantrumwise...I don't have to worry with my eldest as he seems to have skipped this stage but my angelic looking youngest has been having major tantrums since he was about a year old....Ignore or distract....A few minutes of ignoring followed by the cry of 'oh look, what's that?' normally does the trick.

[Lizzer]

Ha Ha Hmonty! Yeah I know rivalry between parents is bad but if someone's winding you up about something it feels great to gloat, just for the looks on their faces....!
Yeah I wish I'd got this book out sooner, the sleepless night section would have been really helpful about 6 months ago! I'm going to give this tantrum malarky a go, I'll see how it goes...

[Jac]

My just over 2 year old has been expressing an interest in 'potty training' as she keeps taking off her nappy and then promptly wees on the floor! Yesterday she took her nappy off again and found some of her sisters pants, so I put them on her and of course while I wasn't looking wet herself.

She's definately interested as she gets a piece of tissue and tries to wipe herself with it! She already poos on the toilet as we can catch her before she goes, but you never know when they want to wee. I do try her on the loo but she just sits there either laughing or crying!? What should I do? My other daughter was 2.5 when she did it and I wanted to wait 'til then with this one, but she seems to have other ideas.

[Robbie]

Hi Jac,
My twins are exactly the same at the moment. Not happy in nappies, not reliable on the potty. We haven't started and didn't want to till summer (imagine all the undoing with 2, and all the accidents) though like yours they seem to have other ideas. Still i think i'm going to let them try when they want but not actually encourage/ nag/ go out and buy and put them in big girl pants till we go away in June. But of course, that may change...

[Hmonty]

I would swear by the regime Gina Ford describes in her 'confident child' book. It gives a list of 'signs' that children need to show to be considered ready for toilet training and then a routine of how to 'crack' it in a week or so. It worked for us so I highly recommend it. My son had reached the stage where he was showing an interest but we were just having accidents. Basically the problem was that we didn't have a clue what we were doing....and I was getting quite stressed as a consequence.

Gina's routine is quite prescriptive but as it should last no more than a week or two I think it's worth putting yourself out to try. It's nothing clever. Just common sense really (obviously I was lacking!!). I got the book via amazon but I'm sure your local library or book shop would have a copy.....

Good luck!

[Jac]

Thanks you 2. I just looked in the live chat section of Gina Ford and eventually found someone who asked about potty training and she mentioned the 'signs' then went on to say basically the answer is in her book! Doh!

I'm really not a book lover, but forgot my sister had given me a copy of Toddler Taming so I 'might' look at it.

[Hmonty]

If I had the book to hand I'd jot down the list and the instructions for you.....I'm working from home tomorrow so I'll do it then (just don't tell my boss what I'm spending my working hours doing!!).

[Azzie]

Our son potty trained himself before he was 2.5 - he just got up one morning and said "I don't wear nappies any more Mummy" and that was that. He was dry at night as well, so a week later we took him out of nappies at night as well and have had no problems. We can take no credit for any of this - we had a new baby on the way so hadn't even tried potty training him.

However, our confidence nearly got the better of us: stuck in the middle lane of a huge traffic queue for the Dartford crossing, nappyless son announced he had to have a wee NOW. Parental panic ensued - we couldnt reach the hard shoulder, nor was it safe to get out of the car. In the end we had to give him the choice of weeing into a drinking water bottle or into one of his baby sister's newborn nappies. He chose the latter and found it all very entertaining!

On a more serious note, though, said baby sister is now 17 months, and is very interested in her brother weeing in the toilet (in fact he takes her with him every time he goes for a wee!). Is she going to be very disappointed when she realises that she's going to have to wee sitting down because she doesn't have a willy to squirt things around? Has anyone else had to explain this to a small daughter?

[Katherine]

Has anyone got any views on the pros and cons of using toilet seats instead of potties? I hate the poo in the potty (not that we've had that many) and I dread the idea of lugging a potty round everywhere. I've seen some neat seats that fold up to go in a handbag which seems ideal but my son is very small for his age (2.8 and still in 12-18 clothes) so I'm worried that it'll seem too big for him. I know you can get seats with built in steps but I still don't think his little legs will reach. Does this matter? I don't want to scare him.

[Jac]

Katharine, we have those mini toilet seats that you just plonk on top of ordinary toilet seat, and a separate step. Not very good when travelling about though but they are easy to put on, no fixing with clips or anything. Downside is, sometimes the wee leaks around the edges and you have to wipe the seat underneath! not always though.

Azzie, you lucky thing, that's a dream isn't it that they do it themselves. Mine are both girls but the 2 year old as mentioned earlier who has been interested in potty training for a while now wees like a boy standing up and coming out upwards, if you know what I mean, it's hard not to laugh, but she does anyway!

Thanks Hmonty but don't worry too much about it if it's too long.

[Hmonty]

Here you go. The Gina Ford list of signs that indicate that your child is ready for potty training:

1. He is over 18 months and nappy is freqeuntly dry when you get him up after a nap or is dry for a couple of hours after last nappy change.
2. He shows an awareness when doing a poo
3. Can understand and follow simple instructions
4. Eager to participate in taking off his clothes
5. Has the ability to sit still and occupy himslef for 5-10 mins with a toy or book.

She recommends a preparation stage where you get the child interested in using the toilet ie taking them in when you go and explaining what you are doing, so that he learns what will be expected of him. Once he shows signs that he'd like to copy get him to sit on the potty without a nappy for a 5-10 min span ie whilst you prepare the bath. Lots of praise for sitting on the potty etc. Start to sit on potty a couple of more time a day. If happy to do this and is showing the signs above then he is ready for potty training.

We skipped the preparation stage as our son was older (2.5) and showed all the signs above.

On the toliet seat/potty front I found that pottys were very useful to start with as you can keep them with you and whip them out very quickly during the early days when control isn't that good. Also, we always carried one in the car and had one on each floor of the house. We moved quite quickly onto toilet seats but there is a problem here if the child is too small to get onto the toilet himself. It means you have to take them every time when, maybe, they could have used the potty themselves. Personally we didn't have a choice as our son insisted on using the big toilet!

Pottywise we initally bought one of those 3 in 1 pottys (a potty that later converts into a big loo seat and step. But this didn't prove sucessful as the 'pot' in the middle was too small and there was no lip at the front to stop wee from spilling on to the floor (more of a problem in boys than girls I think!). In the end we bought some much cheaper, brightly coloured graco pottys. Very basic but they did the job.

[Ailsa]

Azzie,

I've had to explain to my son why my daughter and I don't have a 'winky'.

He was in my room one morning, and when I got out of bed (he was stood on it) he pointed you know where, burst out laughing and shouted 'ha ha you haven't got a winky!!' Well, I just didn't have a reply ready for that one.

I do have one response to his boy/girl questions which at the moment keeps him relatively happy 'because you're a boy, and she's a girl'

[Jac]

Thanks very much Hmonty. All the points are ok except number 5! I may have a go next week when the eldest is back at playgroup.

[Kmg]

I think of myself as a balanced, unbiased person, but on reflection maybe I am a hopeless optimist. Took my youngest son (almost 2) out of nappies today, and was amazed and delighted at how well he did. I was just relating this to my mum on the phone (sad or what!), when looking round the room I counted ten pairs of pants drying on the radiators (fresh and clean from the washing machine I hasten to add), and only thirteen success stickers on his chart ... and this was a good day ...!?

Still, I remember something similar with my eldest - I think the novelty soon wore off and within days he was only performing hourly or less, and with a high success rate. Her's hoping!

[Nw]

I don't know if this will help anyone but we tried potty training at 2yrs old. It was great, almost dry when not wearing anything from the waist down. However as soon as we put pants and trousers on it was a nightmare. Then we all got sickness and diarrohea so we stopped through exhaustion!! 2 months on and we are starting again, but straight into pants and trousers. Not very much success but the carpet doesn't get half as wet or covered in poo. Also Febreeze really takes the smell out of furniture, carpets and carseats.

[Wz]

Help! I'm usually a pretty calm sort of person, but potty training is driving me mad, and I'm starting to feel like we're never going to get there. My daughter is now 2years 8 months, and last summer was pretty well potty trained (although we had only provided the potty and suggested it's use) when she was running around without clothes. In September we had a baby, in December we moved, so we left off potty training and tried in january without pants etc. Then she had a load of viruses for about 8 weeks. Back to square one. Since then I've tried everything - staying calm, getting annoyed, star charts - all fairly consistently for a length of time, and I feel we've made almost no progress for ages. She wil use the potty quite happily if I ask her to, but she just seems to be completely lazy, and has no incentive to wee in there instead of on the sofa. She was dry for most of a day once, and can be if I keep reminding her (although it's no guarantee). Any suggestions? I've been struggling not to scream at her all the time! (She's also going through the stroppy patch...)

[Katherine]

Dear Wz
Don't panic. I have been trying off and on ever since my son turned 2. I didn't want to push it and quite frankly couldn't face all the mess so when he wasn't interested I reverted to nappies. At one point we were doing quite well but then he decided he wanted to be in nappies cos his little sister had them.
Then 2 weeks ago we had another bash and he has been completley dry for over a week. I am speachless. He will be 3 in August. I think we did well to wait. I've had friends who tried when younger and it took ages. Just dabble now and then and I'm sure it will suddenly click.
On a slightly more negative note although we are now dry, he is still dirty! Yes every day I have a delightful present. We've talked about it and he knows what to do but every day its in his pants. I'm sure its just a matter of time. He's cracked the wee thing so quickly but does anyone have any tips for this final hurdle.
Good luck to all of you out there struggling with this. A couple of months ago I thought we'd never get there but now we are. Just hang on in there and if its not working then just wait. There is no way they will still be in nappies as teenagers after all!