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2 children - how do you manage it??

50 replies

Mumpbump · 22/11/2006 10:36

I have a ds who is 9 1/2 mo at the moment and am pg with no. 2 who is due in July at which time ds will be 17 mo. I am already worrying vaguely about how I will cope with being at home with a very active toddler (he's already a real wrigglebum and terribly curious) and a newborn baby and how we will manage bedtime, baths, etc.

I know we will cope because lots of people do have two children close together but does anyone have any tips to allay my concerns?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
TeeCee · 22/11/2006 10:39

Get the eldest holding her own bottle of milk if you're not breastfeeding so that when you are dealing with no 2, no 1 can be havong that bottle of milk quietly.

Use a sling for baby no 2 so both arms are free to pick up and deal with no 1.

be organised. Have things laid out, always think ahead. Use nap times to do as much as poss.

It'll all just happen, it has to!

Bozza · 22/11/2006 10:40

Get the oldest one used to cuddling up next to you for stories, TV etc then you can feed the baby with the other one snuggled up beside you. Also try and do things for them together. So as soon as poss, they share a bath etc.

Nemoinapeartree · 22/11/2006 10:41

mumpbump you just find a routine that works. Also agree about being semi organised but also not too much so when it goes pear shaped you dont feel so bad. Try to get out with them as often as possible as it helps with them having a nap. I have a 2.2yr gap between DS and DD and there will be 12 n bit month gap between DD and DB. It works because it has to!!

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Jellybeanz · 22/11/2006 10:42

I have a 16 month age gap and it was fine, there now best friends (most of the time!) The oldest was too young to be jealous. I honestly though i would never cope but i did and it wasnt as hard as i though it would be.

HuwEdwards · 22/11/2006 10:44

ok, well if you really need to keep your older one 'safe' whilst you do something like feed your baby, put him in a highchair with some fingerfood/crayons/playdo/toys etc.

babies generally sleep a lot at first (not alays at the right time) but this will give you some time with your older ds.

From about 3 months, I bathed my dd's together (they are 2 years apart), DD2 lying flat on her back in shallow water. DD1 loved this and was really very gentle with DD2. Then I would get t DD2 out first and get her sorted whilst in the bathroom, leaving DD1 happily in the bath till I was ready - always take a bouncer chair in the bathroom with you, so you can sort the baby out and leave her safely in the chair while you then sort the older one out.

Oh yes, buy those little boxes of raisins - they are an inspired idea. Clumsy little fingers can take ages to empty one of those, buying you a bit more time whilst you change a nappy or something.

santaslittleprettymum · 22/11/2006 10:47

i agree with HuEdwards, have done the same my dc 21 months apart.

to be honest i found it so much easier with my ds who is now 4 months, you just get on with and dd took to him well. i

NappiesGalore · 22/11/2006 10:52

hehe. i was so concerned about that when expecting ds2 (ds1 was 13mo when ds2 was born) that we were interviewing nannies to help me coz we ddint think i could possibly cope!

it is alright tho. you just find ways.

tips... (if i can remember any details from such a sleepdeprived haze of time)

-sling good idea. (you can rent them to find the one you like)
-ficher price take-along swing for daytime naps. leave hands free to look after toddler between feeding baby, especially helps toddler not to get jealous (they can see you holding them over the baby. v important)i have a redundant one here if you are not flush. if you dont like it, or when you no longer need it you can send it on to another mn'er in need of it
-have read about natures nest cribs which sound truly fab for getting longer amounts of sleep at night (unless you co-sleep)
-i had a bedside crib last time which was good for us (tho he was mostly in with me in early days so i could bf while asleep)
-dont feel bad about not bathing baby when theyre little. tops and tails now and then are fine

hunkermunker · 22/11/2006 10:54

Get used to weeping uncontrollably now by slamming your head in the front door.

NappiesGalore · 22/11/2006 10:56

having a good day then HM?

TinselgalacticWalrus · 22/11/2006 10:56

Drugs, washed down with a liberal dose of Cbeebies.

Actually, it's not as bad as you might imagine. I have got through 11 weeks of having 2 children, and my snaity is still hanging on in there

NappiesGalore · 22/11/2006 10:57

oh yes. cbeebies is a must.

Tommy · 22/11/2006 10:58

when you feed the baby, sit on the sofa so the toddler can cuddle up on the other side (i had to get out of my rocking chair for this but it made a difference)

deal with the toddler first (you will probably pay for this in the long term but at the time it's worth it!)

don't worry if the baby only wears babygros for the first few weeks/months - I used to think that 2 of us out of 3 being dressed was pretty good!

don't make any appointments for before about 10.30 in the morning

make sure your partner is supportive and helpful

It's hard work at the beginingbut my DSs (19 months gap) get on really well and play together all the time so it's definitely worth it.

hunkermunker · 22/11/2006 10:59

LOL NG! Yes, not bad actually - I was thinking more of the early days

Sorry, MB - you'll be fine, you'll cope, it will be hard in places and lovely in others.

My tips are to get your DH/P involved in as much as you can now - around the house, with DS, etc, etc.

(NG - I missed seeing you on Saturday )

hunkermunker · 22/11/2006 11:00

Ah yes, make sure there are batteries in the TV remote. DS1 learnt the alphabet watching Countdown after DS2 was born!

pucca · 22/11/2006 11:02

Pmsl @ HM sorry but is true (on rare days).

I have 30 months between my 2, and i think the key is organisation.

Get their clothes ready and downstairs the night before.

Occupy the older one with crayons and paper, tv, book etc while feeding LO.

I think mornings are the worst, i get them both up, make a bottle while doing my dd's breakfast so she is busy eating hers while i feed ds, i then get ds dressed straight away then dd, then might get a cup of tea myself lol.

It is not as bad as you think it will be.

oliveoil · 22/11/2006 11:02

well I cried for about 3 months and then the fog cleared and it was ok

then they fought like cat and dog for a year

and now they are friends (sort of)

piece of pi$$

TinselgalacticWalrus · 22/11/2006 11:04

Also military precision is the key for the first couple of weeks, I think. I found it helpful to go out for walks with the double pushchair twice a day, and let DS1 run round the park. UI also found it helpful that when DS2 has finished his feed, I put him upstairs in his Moses basket so I could have some time alone with DS1 (and if circumstances allowed, a cheeky peek on MN)

Above all, don;t do ANYTHING to upset your DS's routine. If you can (and I know it's bloody hard) try and take DS to all the plces you'd normally take him.

PinkTinsel · 22/11/2006 11:05

dd was 18 months when ds was born and i was a nervous wreck at the prospect, even started a thread on it!

it all worked out fine and dd has been brilliant, far better than i thought she'd be.

the best advice i can give would be to toddler proof whatever room you'll spend most of your day in and have a supply of nappies down there with you. that way you can let toddler run loose while you feed without having to jump up and down and you don't have to tackle climbing up and down the stairs with both for every nappy change.

be prepared to have to let the new baby cry sometimes while you deal with ds, especially around bathtimes and stuff where you simply can't get to him. it doesn't damage them for life and most of the time you'll find they fall asleep before you eventually get to them.

talk to ds loads about the new baby, let him cuddle and play with the bump and if you plan to bf explain to him lots that baby will be feeding from you breasts, you might not think he'll understand but you'd be surprised. before ds was even born dd was holding her teddies up to my boobs for a 'feed' so she wasn't upset to see ds feeding and she was so used to te idea of a baby coming that when we arrived home with him she ran straight up to the carry cot, smiled and pointed at him, said 'baby!' and gave him a big kiss. i can honestly say there hasn't been one second of jealousy since he was born and she's very gentle with him.

the only other thing i'd say is to make sure not to yell at ds if he does hurt the new baby, on purpose or by acciadent. it's hard not to get overprotective and shout but it only worsens the situation and upsets everyone, i find simply pulling dd away and saying 'no, ds doesn't like that, he likes this' and showing her how to stroke him gently is far more effective.

congratulations and don't worry, it'll all work out when the time comes

pucca · 22/11/2006 11:05

@ OO.

You know how you look back to when you had no kids how easy life was? what did you do with yourself?

Well you will look back at only have the one child and think, "it was so easy just having ***" WHAT HAVE I DONE! lol only kidding

PinkTinsel · 22/11/2006 11:06

accident! lol

LadyOfThePoinsettias · 22/11/2006 11:06

oooh ds1 is 17m next month and ds2 will be 3m.
it is LOTS of fun!! lol

TinselgalacticWalrus · 22/11/2006 11:07

You WILL get through it. I promise. I f I can, anyone can

Bozza · 22/11/2006 11:09

Oy oo how have you managed to get them to be friends? DD has just turned into a psycho around DS. Just destroys everything he does, threw a knight at him yesterday and hit him in the face. Was in tears face down on the laminate this morning because DS put his cereal bowl in the dishwasher in the position she wanted for hers. Poor DS.

oliveoil · 22/11/2006 11:10

what I did wrong was trying to still make my organic bloody nuggets and do sodding craft with dd1 like superwoman

GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK IS MY ONLY TIP!!!!

My advice is to stock up on pizza and Birds Eye, dust of the remote control and do anything you can to make life easier in the first 3 months, these are the hardest ones imo

Get out everyday, even if to the park or the shops, baby is guaranteed to sleep and fresh air will do everyone a world of good

Have a shower BEFORE dh/dp leaves for work if poss so you are dressed and ready, nothing is more depressing than being in skanky clothes all day imo

PinkTinsel · 22/11/2006 11:11

fun...... what drugs are you on LotF! (can i have some?)

lol, honestly it's fine....... (wanders off repeating this to herself as a mantra)