Over Anxious Grandmother newborn grandson out to club?

[fultime]

Hi
I wonder if you can give me some good advice, you always have in the past so I hope you can help me with this one. My daughter (who is not speaking to e at the moment) had her first child two weeks ago, I was present at his birth and cut his cord and have been a big part of the pregnancy (went to the classes with her) and of course the birth. I already have two grandchildren with my son and his partner but of course have had a much closer part in my daughters pregnancy and birth than I did with his so I guess I do feel a quicker bond with the new little boy. My Daughter and her partner have planned to take him to the local club this weekend as they have a lot of friends and they would like to see him. I can understand they want to show him off but I think a baby less than 3 weeks old should not be in a crowded environment in a small family room when he has not had any immunisation yet, especially at this time of year with colds and flu etc etc about, I just don't think its worth the risk and they should wait until he is at least 2 months old and has had his immunisation. I'm afraid I voiced my fears to her and she has taken it very badly but I had to say it as I would never have forgiven myself if he did catch something and I had not voiced my fears to her, I tried to say it in a jovial way, saying I'm probably and over anxious nanny and she of course must do what she thinks best, but she hasn't taken it that way at all and thinks I am being 'negative' and its no different to taking him to the local clinic, which I'm afraid I don't agree with as the local clinic is a first mums one and will only have mums and there new babies, she will only be there for half an hour at the most, whereas at the family room in the club there will be lots of kids in and out, people peering at him, breathing on him and asking to hold him. Am I being old fashioned with this as it really worrys me, what do other young Mums think please. Have I done wrong in telling her that I don't think she should take him just yet? We are so very close and I love her to bits and would do anything for her so hate this 'bad feeling' that is happening because of what I have said. Help please!

Jools, I was born in 1972, didn't know about the "don't go out" rule, will ask my mum!

I'm really sorry your daughter is not speaking to you at the moment

I think you are being over anxious and also unpractical. If your DD is to protect your GS from common colds and the like, then she won't be able to go shopping at the supermarket either. She can't put her life on hold for 2 months.

fultime - glad things are getting ironed out. Your op was very interesting - you should hang around here more often, putting the gp's pov - very often it's difficult for the mums amongst us to appreciate - but you motives, your love, and your feeling of having a special bond comes over really strong - you'll be a lovely granny. Not really sure I'm qualified to offer advice, but (!) mine would be - remember that that's what you are - granny. You need to develop an idea in your head of what a granny's role is - realise that it is something unique and special - there are some things only your daughter, as mum, can do, but there are also some things only you, as granny can do. And don't forget you're still mum too. Be there for your daughter, support and help her, and be a doting granny. I'm sure your self-awareness will help you if there are difficult bits.

I think it must be tough. I get incredibly annoyed at my mother for suggesting things for 6 month old ds. BUT, when she tells me I know best, looks after me, and plays with ds, it is wonderful. I love watching the look of delight on her face when she holds her grandson.

About the 'don't go out' rule. This was told to me by the m/w when my ds was born 19y ago. At the time myself and friends used to feel like we were sneaking about afraid that the m/w would see us out and about. I was told later that it was okay for baby to be out but the 2weeks was an attempt to keep mums grounded until their uterus had healed and to stop them doing anything too strenuous.

agree with juule. my baby is only 3 and i remember asking the midwife when he could go out, and she said " he can go out whenever , but you can't"

fultime, you are the same age as my mum and she has been so great even though we fall out about every other aspect of life.she has been the best BF support ever, none of my friends BF and my mil thinks i should have stopped ages ago, my DD is 6mths old.my mum says a lot about how much she loves my DD (she was there at birth as well)and how well i am doing.when i have been knackered and v.hormonal in the past i have just rung her up and cried and she has just said lovely things. i now regularly use her 'wash and go' service where i take DD over there when totally knackered and mum baths her and i feed her then take her home and into bed, it is such a great help when i am knackered and DD fussy at end of day. your daughter is doing brilliant if she wants to go out, it is really important to encourage her to go out the house and do sociable things cos these keep you buoyant on the bad days and you get better and better at going out. to be honest it'll be amazing if they're not so ridiculously late its not worth bothering!!

You are such a young granny that you will around until your grandchild is all grown up and middleaged! Relax and try to enjoy him and not worry too much. You have years and years and years with him. And the less you 'advise' and the more you support, the happier it will all be. Before you know it, he'll be all grown up! Have a lovely time.

And as a plus, when you are a great-grandmother you'll be able to toss out advice willy-nilly and no one will be able to object (although they may go home and mutter under their breath) .

Will there be cigerate smoke ? That alone would put me off taking him.