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Original poster

HELP - DS having recurring nightmare, what can I do to help (he's 3.5)

33 replies

looneytune · 04/09/2006 09:37

We spent a week in a caravan a couple of weeks ago and since we came home, well, after a couple of days, DS started having nightmares which he's had before on the odd occasion but this time he's scared to be left on his own. Every night he's scared to be left in his room alone and talked about this particular dream and he thinks somethings going to happen to him. ATM, every night I've been staying with him until he sleeps (each night he's asked me to and when I've tried to leave, he's gone hysterical) which is a pain but I want him to feel safe. He then wakes up a few times in the night and at first we didn't mind him coming into our bed to feel better but we don't want this to become a habit so we take him back to bed and stay again until he's asleep. I worry every time I need the loo or need to move as he tends to wake up and then that's it for however long. We're all shattered through lack of sleep. HELP!!!

Do we carry this on for now in the hope it will all end soon? Do we leave him and let him cry it out? (I don't like this idea as I do believe he's scared and he's only 3) Any other suggestions? We've told him that it's all in his imagination, that mummy and daddy had bad dreams when we were little but they do go and nothing can come in and hurt him etc etc.

This lack of sleep for us all is starting to worry me as it's been bad enough last week when I wasn't working but this week I'm back and next week I'm back to normal hours with all kids (I'm a childminder - start at 6.45am).

Is it normal for this to happen around this age? I think so but don't want to presume. Could it be something is bothering him? I don't think it helps that we spent a week in a caravan in the evenings/mornings so very contained and so our house (which is actually very small) probably seems quite big to him after that. He's also been wanting me to go to the toilet with him every time and things like that as he's scared but I must admit, dh and I think this is now a little bit of 'playing on it' as he goes up on his own to get the odd toy no problem.

Any advice would be great!

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, just soooo tired!

TIA

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Original poster
looneytune · 04/09/2006 13:52

bump - sorry but I am really in need of some advice on this.

Thanks

OP posts:
liquidclocks · 04/09/2006 14:05

Hi - mine's not this old (22 months) yet but he has nightmares and it's awful isn't it! Poor litlle chap. Can he tell you what the nightmares are about? I know for a child that age there's no point telling them it's not real becase they can't distinguish yet between imaginationand reality. I know some ladies on my antenatal thread have had this problem with their LO's recently and they tried going along with the nightmare a bit - if you can tell us what it's about maybe you can get some story ideas on here.

Original poster
looneytune · 04/09/2006 14:18

For a few days he was very specific about what he was worried would happen. It was about dinosaurs and he showed me with actions something which is hard to explain to you. Basically he keeps bashing his mouth with his hands???? [confused emoticon] I've just asked him again and he says monsters, spider monsters and then smerked. He can sort of take the mick about it during the day but then geniunely gets really frightened at night. I think it's the whole idea of having a bad dream/monsters are going to get me type thing. I've tried turning the light up more (dimmer switch) but that doesn't help. I've tried the talking about our holiday, building sandcastles etc and tried to help him dream nice dreams. Bit stuck now

Can anyone out there tell me if this is a normal phase that passes? I'm really worried about always staying with him as we need to have a routine that doesn't involve me or dh staying with him for ages.

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Original poster
looneytune · 04/09/2006 14:18

p.s. thanks a lot for taking the time to respond

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PeachyClairHasBadHair · 04/09/2006 14:26

What's he swcared of?

DS1 is scared to an octopus that looks through his bedroom window (yeah I know.....and they say ASD kids have no imagination). Dh converted a cheap can of deodorant (very stinky- the smell reminds them it's been used) into octopus repellant spray and now gives the room a heavy does of it each night. i guess this would work with most things, you could just amke it dream repellant spray??? (All he did was draw an octopus on paper and stick it on, the blue peter job didn't sem to worry Sam!)

TenaLady · 04/09/2006 14:26

My ds 5 today! Has been having some very disturbing dreams too. Its the same time every night but he doesnt recognise us. He is stuck in the dream and screams and shouts and last night he repeated just like
Zombie I hate you , I hate you, it must of been 30 times before I gave up and left the room.

TBH there isnt a lot we could do, I think I might keep a watchful eye on what he is watching on tv as he has made this jump from cbeebies to cbbc and maybe a little too sensitive to some of the programme types on there. Very upsetting though, I know.

I would just keep an eye on any changes around him that may of made an impact, children with a terrific imagination at a young age can conjure up allsorts out of the tiniest things that escape our notice, just be a tad more sensitive to it at the moment.

Evaluate everything he is watching and who he is associating with. (not suggesting anything untoward iykwim) just may not be rubbing along with a fellow playmate as perhaps you had thought.

TenaLady · 04/09/2006 14:29

like the idea of spray like thing to clear out the room of any nasty monsters etc.

miggy · 04/09/2006 14:32

Similar theme to spray really but I bought some of that lavender pillow spray (boots or avon) and we called it nice dream spray and sprayed the pillow with that. oddly enough it made a big difference!

Original poster
looneytune · 04/09/2006 15:11

Wow, thanks I LOVE the spray idea's - must try that! Will this really make a 3 year old feel better? I really hope so! Just to check, do you actually spray anything or do you just pretend?

To be honest, we've had no change in tv as such, just a new dvd dh bought him (wallace and gromit) as a treat as he was missing all the kids I look after (had 2 weeks off). Will sit down and watch this thoroughly but didn't think that it would be a problem as it's a U.

Will let you know how I get on with the spray!

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cleaninglady · 04/09/2006 15:34

sounds quite normal to me. their imaginations are just running riot at that age and i remember my dd having similar issues (about basil brush she still has phases now and is almost 5

we use baby talc on the side of her pillow (again so she can smell it) and tell her its fairy dust to chase bad dreams away - i sprinkle it on and she rubs it in and has to say "go away bad dreams only want good dreams" 3 times - I did have a life before honest - it works though.....

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 04/09/2006 15:45

We doa ctually spray it, it's a rather nasty deo that DH got for christmas.

His idea (DH's) actually, made me

SoupDragon · 04/09/2006 15:49

I put a stuffed dragon to watch under DS2's bed recently because he was convinced there was a monster underneath. He;s 5 and was happy that the dragon was going to keep any nasties away.

Saturn74 · 04/09/2006 15:54

Dreamcatchers worked well for my two. They liked the idea behind it (good dreams come through, bad dreams get caught in the web, and evaporate in the morning light), and were interested in the link with native americans. I also got a mobile that had sparkly lights on it - my youngest liked to have this on whilst he went to sleep.

fondant4000 · 04/09/2006 15:58

This thread has some useful ideas for scaring away monsters!

4 year old keeps waking

Original poster
looneytune · 04/09/2006 16:19

Thanks Will give everything a try. I actually have one of those fibre optic light things I was about to advertise on freecycle but I think I will try and put it in ds's room and say about sparkly things etc. and see if it works.

Wish me luck (need the sleep )

OP posts:
liquidclocks · 04/09/2006 16:40

Just popping back to see how it was going and seems like you got some good advice - good luck tonight!

Tenalady - sounds more like night terrors than bad dreams, my brother used to get them. If tey are there's not very much you can do and trying to wake them up makes them evenmore distressed. Important thing is just to be there to make sure they don't hurt themselves. I know overtiredness can cause them or diet so might be worth keeeping a track of when they happen and see if you canlink them to particular events etc.

cleaninglady · 04/09/2006 20:49

can you buy dreamcatchers ? if so, where from !

cornishpasty · 04/09/2006 21:26

Hi, I remember reading on here once about someone making a big poster for their childs bedroom door saying 'Keep Out. No monsters/dinosaurs(or whatever they're afraid of )allowed'.
Some other great ideas on here as well - love the spray one.

Saturn74 · 04/09/2006 21:47

CleaningLady - you can buy dreamcatchers in lots of places. Garden centres, gift shops, eBay etc. There are even craft kits where the child can make their own, which my two really enjoyed doing. I think ours was from ELC or Woolworths.

FrannyandZooey · 04/09/2006 21:55

Ds had a phase when he got completely uptight about falling asleep for some reason, and of course the tension made it a self-fulfilling prophecy. In the end in desperation I got a pot of sparkly eye stuff and told him it was magic sleepy dust that would help him fall asleep and stay asleep all night (in your ds's case you could say it will also keep the bad dreams away). We sprinkled some on his pillow and I also let him put a bit on his forehead - I told him to only put a tiny bit on as it was very powerful magic.

He slept through for about the first time in his life that night

Original poster
looneytune · 04/09/2006 23:12

Tried the spray and the sparkly lights and he seemed very happy with the whole thing, got in bed and I thought maybe this might work but when it came to me leaving the room, he grabbed me and begged me not to leave him.

Oh well, guess there's not a lot else I can do.

Thanks very much for your help though

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FrannyandZooey · 05/09/2006 07:13

looneytune, if it would help you all get some sleep, have you considered letting him sleep in your room on a mattress on the floor for a bit? Many families do share a bedroom until their children are quite old and as long as you are all happy about it there is no harm done - the children do grow out of wanting to be near their parents, and some people believe letting your children stay close to you for comfort, actually makes them more confident and secure in the long run (I have noticed this with my own son who slept with us until age 3)

I notice you don't fancy him coming in your bed but maybe this would be a compromise and then when you feel the fear has gone, you could gently start reintroducing his own bed in his own room. I think it is very normal indeed to be scared of going to bed on your own at this age and many parents do deal with it by staying with their children or allowing them to come to them. Possibly just telling him he can come in if he needs to, may alleviate his fears.

Original poster
looneytune · 05/09/2006 09:27

Update: Didn't wake in the night for the first time since this started He came in our bedroom at 6.30am which is back to what is was before this all started. hope it's not a one off

He said that he had a dream that monsters came in the room and died because of the sparkly things and spray (not that I like him thinking about dying or anything like that but he picks this up from other kids) Anyway, all this said with a smile on his face so fingers crossed it's just the settling him down to sleep and that's it.

If the waking in the night carries on then I will talk to dh about a mattress on the floor (although that will mean steeping over him when go to bed/go to toilet etc as we have hardly any floor space in our room) but this won't solve the getting him to sleep bit, we'll just have to stay with him until he goes off. I didn't actually mind him sleeping in our bed until recently, quite nice on occasions actually but he's become a very restless sleeper and throws his body about so not very comfy

Fingers crossed this works again tonight and we can all start catching up with some much needed sleep

Thanks again!

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 05/09/2006 09:42

Oh hoorah, let's hope this is the beginning of the end of it looneytune

I think when sleep problems are happening, it can feel like it will go on forever, but if you just go with it and give the child the comfort they need, it often doesn't last very long (and at least you are all getting what rest you can in the meantime).

TenaLady · 05/09/2006 09:57

liquidclocks, yep you may have a point about being overtired, he has been a bit exciteable this week with his birthday coming and the first day at school build up.
Happy to report last night we had an all clear too
Good luck looney with your situation too.