Letter from social services; help!

[Seb101]

Today I have received a letter from social services referral and assessment department. It says my child has been referred to them! I can't speak to anyone until tomorrow, and I'm going out of my mind with worry! We are a normal, two parent, loving family. We adore our little girl. I can't think what it could be about. I phoned a general help desk and they couldn't help. The person I need to speak to isn't around today! But they said someone has referred our child, and this would be because of a concern over her safety and well being. It could be a doctor/ health visitor or a member of the public. We've had no accidents, doctors or health visitor contact; so unlikely to be them. I'm so scared of what might happen....
Can anyone offer any advice? Could this be something routine? Has this happened to anyone? My dd is well cared for, bright, healthy. I've never smacked her, or screamed and shouted at her. I'm a good mum, and she's my whole world. If anyone has experienced this type of situation; please help! I will ring them tomorrow, but in the mean time, I'm very worried!

[AClassyMove]

I think posters have been realistic. OP has been told it doesn't seem serious, that it may not even be about her and what the correct process is.

[PandaFeet]

Telling her she shouldn't cry infront of a SW is not realistic.

SS are not monsters fgs.

[Spero]

I think only one poster - who has had a very bad experience - has advocated not showing any emotion at all.

Everyone else - including the GP! - have said it is perfectly fine.

What you should try to avoid is having a full on nervous breakdown in front of a social worker because yes, quite rightly, that will start alarm bells ringing and red flags waving.

But some tears, anxiety, nervousness - perfectly normal AND probably reassuring to the SW as a perfectly appropriate emotional response.

[Seb101]

Sorry for delay in update....
I finally got hold of the social worker. I've been told that they have received information that my child has contact with someone who 'could potentially harm my child! And that they are concerned for her safety!!! They wouldn't tell me anything else on the phone because 'its a serious and sensitive issue!!!' I have a meeting with them on Monday morning when I'll be told the details.
I'm completely gob smacked! My dd has no contact with anyone other than my immediate family. Now all sorts of terrible things are running through my mind; has someone close to me done something in the past that could pose a threat??? That's kind of what was hinted at on the phone.
I now have to wait all weekend to get any answers... I feel shaky and sick about the whole thing.
I have read all your relies and will take the information on board as this whole thing plays out. Thank you so much for all your stories and advice. I feel like I'm going into a world I know nothing about, and the information I've gained on here has certainly helped me understand the processes.
The saddest thing is I'm now doubting those closest to me... I have such an amazing and close family. I'm terrified of what I'm about to
find out!
My dd is my whole life, and if I've unknowingly exposed her to danger I will never forgive myself. I'm terrified they will take her from me. I will co operate with them fully and follow their instructions.
Apparently the wrong address was just an administration error! The letter was intended for me.
I'm not sure how wise it is for me to post any further details of this on here...might something i post on here be used against me? Maybe it would be advisable for me to disappear and not comment any further...
Regardless, I'm so grateful for every single reply. I feel strong enough to tackle this head on now. Thank you x

[Theyaremysunshine]

I've followed your thread OP and wanted to wish you all the best through what must be an incredibly difficult time.

And yes, I think you should delete this thread tbh. If it turns out to be nothing, you can always repost in parenting with an update.

Hope you get some sleep. Whatever it is that's happened is not your fault. We can't go around suspecting our loved ones or we'd go mad.

[eurochick]

Gosh, I felt sure that it was going to be a case of mistaken identity because of the address mix up.

It sounds like it is not anything vindictive directed at you in any event but rather than someone around you has something shady in their past.

I don't think you have posted anything here that would cause you any difficulty, but if it would make you more comfortable request deletion. I hope this is all resolved soon for you.

[VikingLady]

From what you have put in your update Op, it could be that someone in your family/close circle of friends has a new partner with a disturbing record. It may well be a distant relative you don't even see and you may not know about the partner, but you would need to be alerted to it.

At least it does not sound like it is anything about you personally, or about your parenting!

[AClassyMove]

I don't think there is anything here that will be a problem for you.

How horrible that someone around you may have something you don't know about. You have to keep quiet now until Monday, don't tell anyone in your family about the letter.

I hope you have some support outside the family, for what you are about to be told and about whom.

[Only1scoop]

Thinking of you Op

[notapizzaeater]

They are coming to warn you, not judge you. Not good knowing someone in the family might have a dodgy past but better you know now and can do something about it.

[wherethewildthingis]

Hi OP so sorry that this has happened. Please be reassured that this os normal procedure if someone is identified as a risk to children, any child who has contact with them would be identified and seen. They will want to make sure you know the risks and are able to protect. It's very likely you will be asked to agree that this person has no further contact with your child. And they will need to speak to your child alone in order to check their wellbeing, please be assured that this is regulation and no reflection on I you. They will need to do an assessment, speak to child's school, health, etc. If your child is assessed to be safe and protected by you, there is a good chance the case will close very soon. I do hope it works out ok for you OP.

[rockybalboa]

Based on your update I would agree with the others that it is likely to be the new partner of a family member, neighbour or friend. I hope the meeting on Mon is productive. Shame SS couldn't be less cloak and dagger from the outset in order to avoid your sleepless nights.

[saintlyjimjams]

Good luck OP. Your dd will not be taken from you, but you might be expected to ensure she does not have any access to the person concerned. They will tell you.

[munchkinmaster]

I have to say after all the scaremongering it sounds like social services are attempting to be helpful and empower the op to take steps to protect her child.

I still think this could be hard going op, you may have to rock the boat re family relations but at Least you will have the info to protect your daughter.

[smupcakes]

I work for SS in investigations and assessments - anyone can report and if they report things that meet a criteria there will be a follow up. In your case that is likely to be a 20
minute home visit and chat with your Dd. That will be it if there are no issues.

[hickorychicken]

Im glad its nothing reflecting on you OP and i have to credit SS with warning you.
Please dont worry yourself sick over the weekend

[CatWithKittens]

Perhaps full marks should go to Social Services for warning about what could be a potential threat - the proof of that pudding will be in the eating. However I have to say that writing a letter, incorrectly addressed, several days before anybody is able actually to meet with OP and deal with the issue, to say nothing of reassure her and her family, seems ot me to be both clumsy and unthinkingly unkind. Good luck OP - we all hope the fears that remain will be banished on Monday.

[MeMySonAndI]

Has anybody mentioned school attendance yet? I know someone who got a visit from SS for that reason, apparently the school secretary forgot to record the absences properly.

[MeMySonAndI]

Just seen the update. I understand how worried you must be but trying to see a positive in it, it is great they have managed to contact you as a preventive measure than being contacted because something has already happened.

Hope things go well on Monday, try not to overanalyse things and worry about "potential" risky people (difficult I know but you are getting your answers on Monday)

[orangeunderground]

miaow Your brother sounds like a sanctimonious prat (either that or he enjoys winding you up), I'm a social work manager and definitely would not employ someone who goes on like they've swallowed a 1970s textbook, or who feels it appropriate to make jokes about 'child snatching' to someone who has had an unpleasant experience with SS. I'm all for gallows humour but there's a time and a place.

In respect of showing emotion, its totally scaremongering to suggest parents shouldn't show emotion. I carry tissues with me for this very reason and where appropriate have offered a hand to hold. I often tell clients that I'd be more concerned if they didn't show any emotion (be it anger, worry, sadness) as after all we are discussing the most important people in their lives.

Best of luck with getting this sorted OP.

[verytellytubby]

Good luck.