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Original poster

NON-BIRTHDAYPRESENTS for siblings?

54 replies

noonar · 10/07/2006 11:07

What do people think about giving a sibling a token present, even though its not their birthday? dd2 is 2 on sunday and have bought dd1 a tiny gift so that she doesnt feel quite so left out!!!!!! have i done the wrong thing? i should say that i'm also making a big thing of getting my 4 yr old to choose a gift for her little sister.

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mazzystar · 10/07/2006 12:19

Actually, though it is completely fair, as presumably they do get presents on their own birthdays.

Feistybird · 10/07/2006 12:22

Mazzystar, no it isn't fair because we only buy presents for one of them

Original poster
noonar · 10/07/2006 12:26

thanks, polgara, i reckon 5 might be the age limit for us.
gs, i don't want my ego massaged, and i am interested in views that are differnt from mine- that's why i asked if people thought it was the right thing to do, or not! i'm simply saying that telling people that their ideas are crap is not the most effective way of getting a point across.

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Polgara2 · 10/07/2006 12:26

Hmmphh!!! Am now bowing out coz gotta go.........but still think you deserve a raspberry GS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Greensleeves · 10/07/2006 12:28

I'll gladly take a raspberry Polgara!

Seriously, I wasn't out to tread on anyone's sensibilities - but that is my opinion, and I think asking for advice on MN always carries the risk of not liking everything you hear.

Original poster
noonar · 10/07/2006 12:30

feisty, i think you could be right- maybe this is a time for tough love and learning one of life's little lessons.

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dmo · 10/07/2006 12:35

i dont buy my children a present for each others b/day but my mum does
dont buy my friends 3 children b/day presents but when i see them i get a little gift each
they get so much for b/days
my son was 10 in june and ok i did a big party (double figures) and invited 55 children
he got loads of presents football shirts x3, dvds, games for pc plus he got £395
my other son 14 mts younger got £5 from his nana and was well pleased.

wannaBe1974 · 10/07/2006 12:38

I agree with greensleves. I only have one child atm but if I have another one I certainly won't be buying presents for everyone on everyone else's birthdays. A birthday is that child's special day, the sibling who is left out will have their own special day when only they get presents. besides where do you draw the line? it's ok to say that you'd buy something small for the left out sibling, but I know some kids who would still be upset that the sibling whose birthday it was got a bigger present than they did.

I think buying presents for a sibling of a new baby is totally different, as imo when a new baby is born the sibling is often totally left out and where he/she once had all the attention, suddenly all that attention is on his/her baby brother/sister and that can be very unsettling for a small child imo. I bought a present for my sister's ds when she had her new baby, but I was the only person who thought about it, and even my mother said she'd never have thought to do it.

Feistybird · 10/07/2006 12:38

55 children

MamaG · 10/07/2006 12:41

I agree with GS

dmo · 10/07/2006 12:41

yes had an evening disco 7-9pm
mixture of girls and boys
feel sorry for younger son as i wont be doing it again would not recomend it

sugarfree · 10/07/2006 13:08

Thought would never have entered my head.
Presents on someone else's birthday.I don't think so.

PrettyCandles · 10/07/2006 13:32

We always get each child a token gift on the other one's birthday. It is very difficult at this age for them to see the presents and fuss without feeling jealous and left out. Even at age 5 ds struggles to accept that his birthday was a few months earlier, he got ABCDE etc, and now it's dd's turn. IME, it gets harder as they get older! But I imagine that in a few years they'll be better able to rationalise and remember or look forward, and won't need the token gift.

PrettyCandles · 10/07/2006 13:44

I posted without reading the rest of the thread, but now, my goodness - it never occurred to me that this could be such a contentious issue!

I don't remember getting a present on my siblings' birthdays, but then I don't remember that many specifics about being 5yo. There's a world of a difference between how you treat a 5yo and a 10yo. It's a tough lesson to learn at 5, so why distress the child? In a few years, when they understand properly about the passage of time, turn-taking, and so on, then I'll no doubt stop giving them token gifts on the other one's birthdays.

I remember, on my db's 10th birthday, he invited only boys and everyone went to play footie in the park. I was bored and miserable, and taking me into account would probably have made a world of difference to me with no skin off his nose.

cleaninglady · 10/07/2006 13:50

this causes me no end of worry! Both of my nieces get a present on each others birthday which i thought was a bit much then i had my DD and at about age 2 my DM and Sister got her something as well when it was her cousins birthday so now I have to do the same! Nieces birthday next week and now considering her present, other nieces present, present for my DD and my DS is nearly 2 so will see what is going on !!!! this is equality gone mad.... maybe i will make a stand and just get the person whos birthday it actually is a present......

WideWebWitch · 10/07/2006 13:50

This is contentious, really? I've only read Pretty candles post but I think it's mad to give a child a present because it's their sibling's birthday!

WideWebWitch · 10/07/2006 13:51

The world's gone mad if this is considered normal imo.

TinyGang · 10/07/2006 14:02

Moondog - every morning?!

PrettyCandles · 10/07/2006 14:15

Verging on name-slinging in places, WWW!

Original poster
noonar · 10/07/2006 14:18

cleaning lady, that does sound extreme, don't blame you for wanting to nip it in the bud. Not sure that i would have had the idea to do the whole non-birthday thing if i hadnt been brought up with it.

anyway am pleased to say that GL and i have made our peace....so some of the heat has gone out of this debate!

As i said before, i wouldnt justify it much beyond the age of 4- but i think its a hard lesson to learn at 2,3or4.

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moondog · 10/07/2006 15:38

Oh yes TG!

Clary · 10/07/2006 16:13

crikey I wouldn't dream of doing this. DS2 (who is 3) was talking a lot about the time of my older 2's birthdays in June about his b/day party (not till April lol) but at no time did he suggest he had missed out. He knows he had a party and got lots of pressies.

Equally DD had loads of stuff as there were 27 guests at her party but DS1 never dreamed of complainign that he just had 7.... (AFAIK ) I agree with GS I think we are underestimating our chidlren. Not everything is about having stuff.

Original poster
noonar · 10/07/2006 19:44

could be time to rethink, i think!! if i go through with it this year, while dd is 4,she'll prob expect it next year. maybe should quit while i'm ahead. interesting to have opened up such a minefield tho...(ok, slight exaggeration!)

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JillMLD · 11/07/2006 18:53

I cant make my mind up. We did it for each of ours for last birthday and will probably keep it up but I do think its ridiculous.

My birthday is May, my brother is Dec 27th. He always got something on my birthday so he didnt feel left out, I never got anything on his as it had just been xmas. It used to really wind me up. And i always felt really left out.

lazycow · 13/07/2006 22:13

I would never even think of it. I think it is a way of saying that the best way to value someone is with material things. A present on out birthday is a tradition we tend to keep in this country so that is fine but giving a child a present just so that they won't feel jealous of their sibling getting a birthday present is pretty much assuming the worst of the child.

They may be a bit jealous of their sibling when very young but as they get older they will learn that they get their present too - they just have to wait for it. Delayed gratification is an incredibly important lesson to learn in life and this is just one example of it.