This is impossible! How does anyone make this work??

[Haddock73]

As soon as I get ds1 (2) down, ds2 (9days old) kicks off. I've been up since 2am and frazzled! Ds2 won't sleep, he's been up for hours now and I physically don't know how to do this without dh being here!

Ds1 feels neglected, haven't bonded with ds2 because I feel resentful of him crying and crying and CRYING all the time nd taking me away from ds1, then I hate myself for feeling this way.

Crying and crying and feel like I can't cope and made a huge mistake.

When will it get better??

[dimsum123]

I agree you need to go and see GP. Make 2 appts so you have enough time. 1 for you re PND. 2nd for the baby re colic/reflux.

I had severe PND with both my DC's. Eventually I was diagnosed and given anti d's. I wish I had sought help much mych much sooner. Please don't make my mistake. Go to your GP tomorrow.

[FixItUpChappie]

I'm ticked on yiur behalf at that lousy HV

Agree about Getting to GP....for you and for baby - that is a lot of crying and any physical/health concerns should be ruled out as soon as possible

Can DS1 watch TV while you rock and feed baby to sleep?

do you own a swing?

good for you for getting both kids dressed and out the door - that is a huge accomplishment! You don't need to go out for hours on end either though...can just nip out for short walk here and there to break up the day, just saying...

[quickchat]

haddock I have 3 close in age and they all had reflux disease.
A more serious form of reflux where they need Omeprazole in the first year of life to stop the stomach acid constantly coming up.
They screamed and screamed and screamed and fecking screamed.
I thought id go mad. It was one thing having it with a first baby but when I found out 2nd DC had it I just about died. She was the worst too. Never stopped feeding and screaming.
I had desperately wanted a girl after my boy but then I wanted to send her back. I kept saying things like "has she been sent to me in a joke" .
I thought I would NEVER get through it but I did. You Will, I promise.

I then found out I was PG with #3 . Im sure I had depression for the whole PG and I was sure Id never cope.
Sure enough he had bloody reflux too. I was numb. I managed him too. Im still sane. He is 1 now and I actually enjoy them and all the guilt has all but vanished!!

When you see your two boys playing and interacting next year your heart will melt and you will have actually forgotten just how god damn awful it was. Reading your post brought it back to me.

I have some tips for screaming babies though as im an expert!!

Lie him on his stomach (sod the rules he won't die) in the moses basket with the head end propped up a bit with books. It is more soothing on their tummy and they don't get startle reflex. Make sure he can lift and turn his head - he will.

If he sleeps with you let him lie on your tummy on his tummy but make sure you have no covers or pillows near him and lie in the middle of the bed. I used to wear my fleece zipped open! (just in the early weeks though, they get too big too quick.

95% of cot deaths are in houses with smokers so if you smoke don't do the above.

White noise will end crying instantly. We used the hairdryer ! This is an obvious fire hazard so don't fall asleep. We eventually got it downloaded. INSTANT!!

Don't overfeed him. They need 2 hours at least from the start of one feed to the start of the next. It is the only way his immature digestion system can cope. I've had enough chats with consultants about reflux disease to know this is the case and have experienced this with 3 babies so bugger off any lurking breast feeding natzi's . Joking of course.

Im not saying he has reflux, he probably doesn't but crying babies, ill or not, don't go on crying. It calms down and you will calm down and so will your 19 month old and he won't remember a thing about it.

I know you are thinking you won't make it to Monday like this but you just will. Then the following week will come and go and so on then you will suddenly look at your 12 week old lying in his bouncy chair smiling at his big brother and you will be having a coffee (a whole one) and it will suddenly dawn on you "oh, he has been a lot better actually).

Sending you big hugs. You will lift your head and breathe again soon enough. x

[valiumredhead]

Hi OP, hope you managed to see the gp today x

[valiumredhead]

Hi OP, been thinking about you

[Haddock73]

Thank you quick and valium. The last coupe days have been more managable... I've managed my expectations that I won't sleep more than an hour and anything more is a bonus, same with the crying. I'm expecting both dc to cry, ESP dc2 all the time, so when he's not again bonus.

Evenings are the worst, hecan cry from 4pm to midnight at times, despite everything - rocking, feeding, leaving in his moses.

I'm still crying but forcing myself to go to playgroups which give me less opportunity to cry as I'm outside.

I'm feeling less lousy and depressed but still finding myself wishing time away.

[HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm]

Hi haddock, glad you're still keeping your head above water! Have you managed to see the GP? That level of crying really should be checked out, just to make sure there's nothing underlying.

This will pass. You will survive. You will live your baby. It's just going to take time. Keep plodding on, but get some help, even if you've had a marginally better day.

[Puffykins]

I've been through this. I considered any moment when all three of us weren't crying a success.... It gets better. There's a book called Stupid Baby which helped turn things around for us, as DS decided the baby was his and he wanted to help look after it as much as he could (only hitch was that he then became very possessive and wouldn't let anyone else hold the baby.) Good luck. It will improve.

[bigkidsdidit]

Wishing time away is quite usual ime and you know - your DC won't know you were thinking that, no harm to them. I do think you should take dc2 to the gp if you can about his crying x

[pongping]

Did you manage to speak to your GP or HV at all? It really sounds like you could do with a bit of help. Not sure if you're still bf'ing or not, but there are anti-d's you can take while feeding (I had Sertraline) if you need them.

I was also given a B Vitamin complex and advised to take a fish oil supplement - you could start those now if you like (I found they really helped).

Big hugs xxx

[valiumredhead]

I really would see the gp as a matter of urgency both for you and baby. Wishing time away it's normal but it can be a sign of depression so worth getting checked out.

I really do think reflux needs to be ruled out.

[davidtennantsmistress]

Oh my lord, get yourself both to the dr, ds2 was a nightmare buit not to that extent, are you trying Colief any thing like that, short term give it a try, will ds settle if he's kept upright? How about a swing rocking thingy to keep him up? Sorry if this has already been suggested.

Your hv sounds a twunt tbh, but certainly all power to you, is your dh/p able to take the baby once he comes in so you can have an hour with ds1?

[magicturnip]

So sorry you feel like this. Haven't time to read all of the thread but if ds1 doesn't like ergo then take him out. Not all babies like all slings. Maybe try a kari me or a connecta instead?

[78bunion]

I remember it being exactly like that (now they sleep in so late I am having lunch when they rise sometimes). It does get better.....

Our first did loads of crying. The answer seemed to be almost continuous breastfeeding (easier said than done); a white noise tape; a regular routine every night, no lights on in the dark at night, not much attention; sometimes co-sleeping; working full time from when they were a few weeks old so at least there was a break from them; at weekends trying to sleep from 2 - 4pm each afternon whilst the other half has the babies or a babysitter does.

[Spiritedwolf]

Thinking of you

Just going to repeat the pieces of advice I think are really important.

GP for you (not saying you do have PND because anyone getting that little sleep and hearing their baby cry all the time would be upset, but you are at risk)

and GP for your baby. I know some babies cry more than others, but it could be a sign of something wrong, like reflux. Is your baby feeding well? If there is no physical cause then you might find some information on babies who seem to have 'high needs' helpful www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby

Do get in touch with Home Start they offer support to parents of young children for all kinds of reasons, including exhaustion and being overwhelmed. Seriously, they could really help you.

It's not giving in to get help, really no one is going to judge you for needing a hand with this difficult situation.

[Choos123]

Haddock, I agree to seeing the dr but just wanted to say I can't imagine coping any better, dd cried 4pm to midnight til about 6/7 weeks, just getting through is just fine, don't beat yourself up. I bet most of those people you think are judging you in the street either feel sorry for you or are not nice people.

[GetYourSocksOff]

Hi, just checking in again to see how you're getting on.

I really, really feel for you with the crying. I feel judged a lot too since having my second. And feel a lot of guilt about my first. Hang on in there, it just gets gradually easier and easier as milestones are reached and yes, even though it's such a precious time in some ways, tbh it basically just feels like survival sometimes in those early days. That's not just you, either. Take care xx

[78bunion]

Agree with Choos - our no,. 1 cried every night. We had a pattern I would breastfeed after work just about all evening or so it felt. I would go to bed at 10pm and sleep. Her father would hold her often over his shoulder patting her back until mid night. Then he would hand her to me if she were still awake and I would also feed her at 2 and 6. At 8 we both left for work with huge relief. She is now in her 20s and still sleeps very badly very often which is terribly helpful for her City job where fairly often she has to work all night after a full day....

[whyno]

Sensing you a huge hug. Please know you're not alone. Have a 2 y o and a 3 wk old and all that kept me sane last night was reading this thread. Really identify with loads you said. Hope you have a good day today. It will get better!

[ZingWantsCake]

Haddock

Check out Priscilla Dunstan Baby Language on The Oprah Show on YouTube!

I have 6 kids and only found out abput her with my last - I would go through all 6 labours (even the traumatic one and the C-section) happily if only I could start over armed with that knowledge! I am jot kidding!

SHE CHANGED MY LIFE! !!!


I can't link,but google it

[ZingWantsCake]

I am not* kidding

[ZingWantsCake]

I am not* kidding

[ZingWantsCake]

I am not* kidding

[ZingWantsCake]

I am not* kidding

[ZingWantsCake]

see my phone sent it 4 times for emphasis.

(sorry about that! )