Mothers of boys - how do you ensure you stay a 'cool' Mum?

[Legacy]

Had an interesting chat with DS (6) today. We were talking about some of his friends and their Mums and DS commented that he liked X's Mum, because she was really 'cool'...

I couldn't quite extract a precise definition of 'cool' from him, but hypothesising a little I think the following might be possible criteria:

• quite fit/ sporty (i.e. willing to kick a football about etc)
• no-nonsense type approach
• wears trendy, but age-appropriate clothes
• presumably able to meaningfully converse about things that are important to 6 year old boys (e.g. "thought England played rather badly, and why did Sven take Owen off then?" or " did you manage to get all the golden rings to get to level 8 on your Gamebuy then?"

What do you reckon then? It's not really restricted to Mums of boys, it;s just that's the bit I'm most interested in, and I expect the criteria would be different. (Reminds me though that another friend of mine was told recently by her 6 year old DD that she was frumpy and would look much prettier if she bought some new clothes )

My 13 year old nephew thought I was uncool until he discovered that the bands that he was listening to were bands that I'd seen in concert, then he started borrowing my CDs and suggesting I take him to see Guns n Roses at Donnington (I said no way, he was far too young for that type of concert - so uncool!)

Maybe the trick is to have something in common? A 'thing' that you share a liking of or passion for?

Well, my ds's (7 next month) criteria would include:

Willingness to provide copious electronic entertainment hardware and software, and fairly lax restrictions on use of same;
Ditto TV, video and DVD equipment;
Provide copious quantities of boy-friendly food, with a heavy emphasis on sausages, pizza, icecream, strawberries and fizzy drinks. Barbeque skills would be a plus;
Endless enthusiasm for sport and sporting outings, trips to pool, football pitch, park etc;
Generous snack provision;
A cool car, preferably a soft-top;
Fondness for early-80s post punk music;
Must like Harry Potter and be willing to discuss plot nuances in minute detail.
Looking smart and having cool clothes would be important to him too.

Needless to say I only fulfil a few of the above criteria, but he seems to be coping.

The more you try to be cool, the more you'll fail. DS1 (11 going on 19) tells me:

1. My converse all stars that I thought were school-run-fabulous are now uncool because David Cameron has a pair (how does he know this? How? How?)
2. My sunglasses are too big. Not good enough to say Kate Moss has a pair because "Nobody likes Kate Moss any more". Sigh.
3. My taste in music (that was cool a year ago) is now too sad for words. And if I ever tell anyone he went to a McFly concert he'll never speak to me again... (this week he's listening to Nirvana, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Arctic Monkeys)
4. Anything conspicuous in the way of clothing or accessories is unacceptable. As are humming, waving, smiling, catching his eye. I think I'm allowed to breathe. And I'm definitely allowed to provide pocket money and cash for guitar lessons.

But he's still lovely

Yes, like wearing fluffy slippers when you walk them to school! And when they're a bit older you can dig them out again and threaten to wear them to parent's night if they don't behave!!

Parenthood is so much fun!!

Just what I was going to say, ss - just be who you are and don't sweat it.

DS1 (17) regularly tells me I "rock" for various unpredictable reasons!

Aw bless JanH!

I wasn't necessarily going to reinvent myself to try to become cool - was just interested, as it seemed an unusual thing for a 6 year old to say - didn't expect him to think these things til he was a bit older.

One of my good friends (also conveniently DS's best friend's Mum...) has a theory that boys will often talk more to one of their friend's Mums more than their own as they grow up. We have a pact to pass on all information....

Yep, sounds like he gets all he needs round at mates house. The word NO obviously doesnt exist when he is visiting.

he will soon be at the age when anyone over 30 is uncool and that's very normal.
Trying to be cool is very uncool...and embarassing says my teenage dd

Swapping inside inforamtion sounds like a plan, Legacy

OK - so the best I can hope to be is somewhere better than frumpy but worse than cool?

my ds mate thinks Im cool cause I do wedges . LOL

janh i want your son!! Mine thinks i am quite cool cos the mums at his school are seriously NOT...plus i had him young compared to the mums at his school - which helps! Plus i always have my knockers out ...... ( feeding!) which breaks down barriers for a 14 year old!

I am seriously uncool, but none of them have disowned me just yet.

peasinapod..
is that wedges as in shoes, potatoes, or wedgies as in knickers?

Genuinely intrigued...

I am uncool on many levels I suspect but I "know stuff". Frogs' list all sounds very familiar (ours includes being able to adlib Oompa Loompa songs and impersonate Old Wilkie from Jennings) and sally's approach sounds the best.
So long as he keeps talking and keeps telling me he loves me
And I think everyone thinks JanH rocks, not just her offspring
I will aim to emulate my parents, who were also old, and therefore made no tragic efforts to borrow my clothes or groove along to TOTP . I remember being so sorry for a friend whose gorgeous young mother kept flirting with his classmates...

my nephew has this BIG thing about me
he is 10

we hav no ide why as i am not cool

its just boys they are odd

Legacy its the pants variety usually done in the queue of a ride at chessington world of adventures . LOL

You do indeed 'rock' Janh :)

Ds knows I am not cool and dh is cool. They just know these things. Dh knows about football and Playstation and man things. I am just his mum but it's ok, he loves me for lots of other stuff.

No matter how hard you try you are never cool to your own kids.
Their mates may think your cool.
My ds requiremnts are simple he would love me to be invisible, don't kiss, cuddle or even acknowledge him in public, certainly don't ask questions or attempt ot speak to his mates.
Oh but I will be required to wash, clean, cook for him & buy him things.
Of course I ignore his wishes & constantly emabaress him but I thought that was my job!!

I was waiting for my 10yo ds outside school recently when we both noticed a mum dressed in really tight coloured jeans (Moschino knock off?) and an equally tight top which ahem, squeezed her in all the wrong places.
In the car, ds said, "I'm glad you wouldn't embarrass me outside school like that. She's trying too hard. you're too cool for that".

Actually I think he really meant I was too casual and scruffy to care so much about my outfits - whether hits or misses - still it's a start !

My ds1(12)almost died when I bought Converse trainers.Hah!I had to do some work at his school and all the Year 10s and 11s thought I was the DB!I quote "I wish my mum was as cool as you!"
However that was in March and maybe I have slipped out of coolness,who knows?

One of my new hobbies is eliciting "Oh Muuuum!" and rolled eyes by dancing in supermarkets/carparks,singing loudly in the car with the windows open to eighties music and saying "vagina" whenever possible.

every one elses mum is cool becuase when you go round to their house its a treat and you get stuff you wouldnt at home - and thats why their mums are always cool

best not to try to be cool. dont try to be a friend either. motherhood is a power, a status which holds awsome strength all of its own.

custy