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Parenting

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Original poster

Really disappointed in ds - he's stolen from a shop. And lied to me.

37 replies

cupcakes · 21/05/2006 14:31

Found a magnet and keyring in the pocket of his coat this morning. They are from a local petshop and have a picture of a dog like ours. Everytime we go in there (it's where we buy the dogfood) he asks if he can have them to which I've always replied he can have them for his birthday (he's 6 in a few weeks).

I asked him where they came from and he told me an elaborate story about how one day when dd was out of her buggy (very rare in this shop) she put them in his pocket without his knowing. He then insisted this story was true for 5 mins until I told him it was impossible and I wanted him to tell me the truth. Which he eventually begrudgingly did.
I can't decide if I'm more angry about the stealing or trying to get his sister to take the blame (she's 3). We had another incident last year where he took a special toy into school and then chucked it round the playground - when I asked him why it was damaged he blamed another boy (who's mum is my best friend). I mentioned it to her (as I thought her ds had been picking on mine) and he was so distraught with the accusation that it made me ask ds again who finally told me the truth. It was very embarrassing and I felt stupid for believing him so readily and we had a huge talk about lying and blaming other people for his mistakes.
Maybe I'm expecting too much of him but to see him lie straight to my face with these big blue eyes really gets to me.
I'm going to pay the shop back for the things and get rid of them (I don't think they'll want them back as the packaging is now damaged) but should I make him apologise? I'm wary about discussing this with any of my friends as I don't want him tarred with this very negative brush.
And he's also really unrepentant. He's said sorry but with no meaning to it and he doesn't even seem to care that I'm so upset. We're usually really close.

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Kidstrack · 22/05/2006 16:36

tricky one isn't it, i have caught ds lying once and i felt really hurt that he had tried, but i knew by his face and he couldn't look me in the eyes, so he eventually told the truth, i explained that us mums/dads always find out the truth because thats what parents are really good at, i said we know most things they get up to and the truth finally gets out, as for taking the things from the shop i done this as a child, and my nana scared the living daylights out of me by telling me about the CCTV in the shop and that my face would be sent to all the other shops and they would all know me if i went into any shop to buy anything, she said she would phone woolworths for me and she would applogise on my behalf for taking the sweets, and she would ask them not to send all the other shops my picture. I was 8 and beleived it all and i never done it again, when i was 16 she laughed at me because i still beleived her.

Kidstrack · 22/05/2006 16:39

i see what your saying cupcakes about rewarding him, but you are taking him back to the shop to say sorry, this in its self is his punishment for taking them, and you are then in affect buying them for his birthday.

Original poster

cupcakes · 22/05/2006 16:59

we went and he apologised. the lady in the shop was really nice and said 'don't do it again'. Unfortunately, as far as ds was concerned she was so nice that I don't know if it had quite the desired effect. He was a bit 'oh, she was fine' to which I said she seemed really upset which he said he couldn't see. He's pretty downhearted about not getting the keyring for his birthday anymore. I don't know whether to give it to him as a condition for him being good in the future or if that is (like you say) a negative message. To be perfectly honest I don't want to see the things ever again and I don't know how much he will like them in reality now that they are associated with this incident.
We've had another talk about it all this afternoon and I really want to put it behind us now. I just wish he had chosen to steal something that he wasn't that bothered about rather than something he had been looking forward to getting for months.

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meowmix · 22/05/2006 17:01

I still wouldn't give them to him. FWIW I think if he has to apologise and face up to that then they'll be tainted anyway IYSWIM.

kitbit · 22/05/2006 18:07

definitely definitely don't give them to him! He won't see that there's been a concequence if you do, as he's convinced himself the shop lady was OK and if he ends up with the keyring anyway he won't understand that what he did was wrong

Original poster

cupcakes · 22/05/2006 18:53

you're all right of course.
dh also thinks I'm mad to even consider it. The lady who waxes my legs owns our dog's brother so I may give her the (labrador) keyring and magnet for her stepdaughter.
Thanks everyone.

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BadHair · 22/05/2006 19:21

Good on you - right decision there in getting him in to apologise! And I'd say it would be best for him not to have that particular keyring and magnet. But, if he does still want one, help him to save up for one (pasta jar, that sort of thing) so he'll have a sense of achievement rather than guilt when he gets it.

ScummyMummy · 22/05/2006 19:32

Well done on getting mini-cupcakes to apologise, cc.:)
I wouldn't give it to him for his birthday. But if he has any birthday money or pocket money and still wants to buy it I would let him. It would be a nice positive end to the incident for him to virtuously purchase it in the proper way, I think!

childern · 22/05/2006 19:34

My two younger brothers pinched some sweets and my mum tock them back to the shop and say sorry, think that shocked them because they never did anything else like that again

Original poster

cupcakes · 22/05/2006 20:42

that's a really good idea about getting him to work or save up for it. It would be a good lesson for how to get things he wants in future (legally).

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WideWebWitch · 22/05/2006 20:45

I've only read your original post but I remember a teacher saying she regularly frisked children on their way out of school at this age since they're very often light fingered! I stole ONCE in my entire life and my mum made me take it back to the shop and apologise - it was a packet of polos, they were 2p I think, and I never did it again. So I'd make my ds apologise if he did it.

Nightynight · 22/05/2006 21:10

I think I would explain to him that it cant be taken back now, and let him keep it, and say that it was his birthday pressie. And tell him that you are going to the shop to pay for it (and pay of course!).

In the end, he will have cheated himself out of the pleasure of his birthday pressie.

I wouldnt make a big deal about saving for it, or apologising, because I dont think that children really understand the value of money at 5 yrs old, and as someone else said, they are v light fingered.

My children shoplifted several things about this age, touch wood it hasnt happened for a year or two now.

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