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Original poster

My Babies have all been swaddled in a dark room ...does that make me a hypocrite?

46 replies

NotAnOtter · 15/05/2006 10:24

I have had five babies.
When I was young and naive a fantastic West indian Midwife in liverpool taught me to swaddle.
I have swaddled all my babies in a blacked out room ever since.
i believe i am a natural parenter...I go with the flow with my babies but i am fairly rigid on the sleep issue. My most recent baby (12 weeks) slept through from 4 days.
I resent people saying this baby when he cries will be feeling ' sheer panic'
I feel it much more natural than stuggling with broken nights with a one or two year old who suffers separation anxiety because they feel insecure in a bed on their own.
A contented baby is one who has slept and the quickest way of finding the key to sleep is to make it as womb like as possible. Yes he cries ...he is tired!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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bubblez · 15/05/2006 11:57

Look im not saying that it is less 'valid'. But if my dd was moaning or crying just for me to pick her up at bed time or even if i was busy (cooking etc)then i wouldn't feel bad for letting her wait (or if it was bed time doing the controlled crying tenique).

Maybe that is not the way that you would/did deal with your child/children but believe it or not it didn't do my baby any harm.

Original poster

NotAnOtter · 15/05/2006 12:00

bubblez - do you feel that it is regarded as somehow less 'natural' by many people?

OP posts:

bubblez · 15/05/2006 12:01

@ NotAnOtter

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zippitippitoes · 15/05/2006 12:02

notanotter..I think you may be worrying too much

Angeliz · 15/05/2006 12:03

Does seem like you're afetr a fight today NotAnOtter.
Good for your boy though

bubblez · 15/05/2006 12:04

Funnily enough it is only since coming on mn that I have come accross ppl who think that the way that I have raised my dd is unnatural. None of the mothers that are my friends or mothers of my friends think anything negative of the way that I have rasied her.

bubblez · 15/05/2006 12:13

But you know NotAnOtter I find that I have been jumped on for quite a few things on here not that I mind too much, after all peoples opinions are their own.

But I'm one of those mothers who believes that although breast is best (and i did breast feed for two weeks) I be careful not to make a mother who can't keep it up or chooses not to bf feel like an unnatural or bad mother. It seems though that that too is something that is taboo to say on mn unless you want to be told what for.

Again I don't mind, cos it is the individuals oppinion.

Tatties · 15/05/2006 12:21

Bubblez I didn't say I thought you had done your baby any harm. I'm sure most of us don't pick up our children the second they start to whimper, as you say it's not always possible, if you're cooking or or in the loo! Sometimes they do have to wait. I think it depends on the age of the child though, and how much they can understand what you tell them. Same goes for night time. I know my ds wouldn't have a clue what was going on if I did cc, so I don't think it would be fair on him. There's a big difference between having to wait a minute before being picked up though, and not being picked up at all.

bubblez · 15/05/2006 12:28

Tatties - I can understand where your coming from and that is fine. My personal oppinion is that if a baby can quickly learn that if they cry mummy will come running and pick them up, then they can just as quickly learn that if they are swaddled and the room is dark it is time for na-nites.

Tatties · 15/05/2006 12:51

Bubblez, I see what you are saying too, but in practice it just doesn't work like that. All babies are different and while some will happily (or with a bit of chuntering) drift off when swaddled in a darkened room, others will not. My ds was never happy being left to go to sleep on his own, and no amount of 'teaching' was going change that without a great deal of distress. That was my experience with a baby who isn't particularly 'sleepy' though, I can imagine if your baby just slept pretty easily you wouldn't see what all the fuss was about. I don't think co-sleepers are saying anyone is unnatural for not doing it. Not at all. We are just excited to have at last found a way to get some sleep Please don't bear a grudge if we talk about it

kiskidee · 15/05/2006 12:57

i swaddled my baby and put her in her cot to sleep. till she was 8 mos old. if she cried, i went in to get her. it kept her from waking herself up with the moro reflex and later from scratching her eczema. swaddling is not the same as sleep training.

blueshoes · 15/05/2006 13:59

I co-sleep with dd 2.7 years, and will continue for as long as she requires it - she wakes up screaming if I am not there.

NotanOtter, if you are fortunate enough to have babies who settle easily without co-sleeping, I don't see any issue with you continuing with what you are doing. Every child and every parent is different. We can only go with what works. I would never suggest co-sleeping to any one who had no need for it!

bubblez · 15/05/2006 14:09

Tatties - I don't bear a grudge toward anyone, like I have said before peoples opinions are their own and obviously everyone has a right to their own opinion. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that the way that I or NotAnOtter have put our babies to sleep is a hard and fast rule and everyone should do it, just that its what has worked for us and there is nothing wrong with it and mothers that do that should not be made to feel as though there is. Just as if a new mother came to you and asked you how you get your baby to sleep you would advocate 'co-sleeping', I would 100% advocate 'swadling' and would even advocate 'controlled crying' and there should not be anything wrong with that.

Just to be clear, when I say controlled crying, I do not mean leaving the baby to work him/herself up into a frensy or even ignoring the childs crys for extended amounts of time. I mean the propper controlled crying tenique as used on 'baby whisperer', 'supernanny' and 'mums the word'. Just to be clear!!

bubblez · 15/05/2006 14:12

sorry i should have said sujest not advocate as that could be taken out of context

zippitippitoes · 15/05/2006 14:13

discussing and enjoying co sleeping doesn't imply criticism of others who have different sleep practices though

Original poster

NotAnOtter · 15/05/2006 14:51

i just feel that along the same lines as the breast and bottle argument that people infer that co -sleeping is a kinder more natural way...
it is that implication that i find upsetting!

nb What do co sleepers do if they have a few children or multiple birth ?????

OP posts:

zippitippitoes · 15/05/2006 14:53

I think they get bigger beds!

bubblez · 15/05/2006 14:55

agree with NotAnOtter....

PanicPants · 15/05/2006 15:03

I didn't do swaddling as ds hated it, but definitly do the darkened room. Ds sleeps very well, from about 6 weeks. We did do the control crying and it took 2/3 days when he cried for about half and hour on the first night,15 mins on the next night and a couple of minutes on the third.
Now when we put him down, thats it, we don't go back and he rarely cries at all now. And he never wakes (cue for a broken nights sleep tonight!) up during the night, at least if he does he doesn't cry and wake us up.

I don't think there's anything wrong with any of the ways mentioned to get children to sleep - if they sleep then thats great, no matter how you've mangaged it.

The only thing I couldn't do is co-sleep, and thats only because I'd worry myself to death I'd roll on him and smother him, or he'd roll out of bed.

Angeliz · 15/05/2006 16:47

I find co-sleeping natural.
I have often been upset at the breast bottle thing so i see where you're coming from but i am by no means calling you a bad Mother NotAnOtter. I sort of fell into co-sleppeing anyway, it wasn't planned. As for the other children.
Well dd1 miraculously started slepping through in her own bed like an Angel when dd2 arrived. DD2 will only be 17 months when the new baby arrives so i don't know yet.

Bit of chaos for a while i imagine though

I don't mind saying though (as i did on the other thread which i think strted all this) i can't stand 'so called' child care experst writing books about how to leave babies to cry and how that will be better for the whole family ect. They annoy me!

Angeliz · 15/05/2006 16:47

Sorry, meant to put after my first line that that doesn't mean i find babies in a cot 'un-natural'

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