Is it better to bring up children in the country or in the town?

[rosylizzie]

would love to have everyones opinion/experiences on this - we currently live in an uninspiring small town which has a horrible big road through it but dooes have a great sense of community and the kids have loads of activities and friends on their doorstep. Im a country girl at heart and would love to relocate somewhere with views and have a bit of land for a pony etc. Have yuo done this? Pros and cons? Or should we wait till the kids are gone and retire to the country? Ours are 2 ds aged 9 and 7 and 2 dds 4 and 3 months

We have just moved out to the edge of Birmingham so surrounded by fields and lots of stables so brill if you are into horses. However, it is close enough to get the train or bus into Birmingham or Solihull and that will be good for the kids as they get older. Fortunately the school takes from this area so some of DS's friends live here. There is a school bus. I have always been raised and lived in cities and could never go back now. I love the drive in the morning whether to work or school. I also love going for walks. As it is within walking distance from the station, a fair walk mind the kids will be able to go anyway when they are older. The edge of the city suits me better. Not sure how I would cope being completely isolated.

well i have the added advatage that my family are all here and really i was coming home. the problem is that i havee a london accent!
there certainly is problems if you have the attitude of " im englisgh there fore im right/in charge/better " etc. dont underestimate the village politics , never get caught in a feud and never volunteer for anything in your first year ( that will look smug!).
if you are going to rural wales, choose tha welsh school and try to learn, it will help.
oh and never tell anyone you cam for the cheap housing, that will really irk the welsh, we all like a bargain, but dont want to know how close WE could have come to buying your house!!

Not many people have this choice, either because of finances or work. Youre really lucky to be able to choose.

Pruni, I grew up in Morayshire too! Did you go to Speyside High by any chance?
Took me years to actually enjoy going back to visit.
DS (11) actually said he would like to live there, to which I repied 'Trust me, you wouldn't'

We used to live in the country near a stables. The managers had dogs running loose with them all day, every day. We put a gate on our drive to keep them out of the garden and learnt last week that one of them had killed one of the other dogs (rottweiler v. alsatian). So glad we don't live there anymore.

We also spent a lot of the time in the car going to places. Now we walk. When the children are older they will be able to walk to school, friends' houses, etc.

No contest for me.

caterpillar, no, quite near though (GGS).
I was so depressed growing up round there.
Life was shit and dull - as soon as I could I left (aged 17) and immediately felt better.
For me, the problem was that there was nothing around and nowhere to go.

I live in Oxford now and there are some tiny villages round here. But the difference is there is a bus service into a proper town and you could easily get to London or Birmingham to see bands/have a day's shopping/look at people who you haven't known since you were a little kid...etc
I wouldn't wish the life I had as a teenager on anyone, seriously.

Rosylizzie, we moved from north London to Wales 18 months ago - wouldn't go back - people are generally much friendlier, and even living in a town you are not far from open countryside... :)

Both my parents grew up in the countryside and hated it, but I suspect this is because they were from poor backgrounds. As with everything, income makes a massive difference.

But if you're a "country girl at heart" and your partner feels the same way, go to the country. You'll be happy and you'll put more enthusiasm into showing your youngsters just why you love the countryside, so they'll benefit too.

I don't agree that all 16-18 year olds want to leave home. I grew up in the city (Islington in London) and while I agree more rural is probably better for small children, as a teeneager I went all sorts of places as the buses were easy to get Shopping/cinema etc no problem. I was never bored as teeneager and went out loads yet didn't have too much of a rebellious stage.

All my friends who grew up in small villages/countryside yearn to return now they are older but when you question them as to why they moved to the city they always say that they hated where they lived as a teenager. Also in my (admitedly) limited experience of other towns I find them often more threatening than London is at night with large groups of young teenagers running wild with nothing better to do,

We are aiming for suburbia - best of both worlds in my view.

Would agree with Lazy cow in that the rougher kids in the villages were often fighting 'enemy' kids in neighbouring villages. They spoilt the discos by fighting - morons

Pruni, which school is GGS?

I spend all my time driving the children around. One Friday I did 52 miles hovering between 2 local villages. For dd1 to arrange to go to the cinema is a major event - her friend lives about 7 miles from town and we live the same distance in the opposite direction. I have friends who drive their older children to/from evening jobs, costing them far more in time and petrol than the children earn. Don't move too far from a decent town.

caterpillar, I don't want to say, except that it's about one town away from yours. We never had any contact with yours though.

Fair enough Pruni.I can relate to that. Do you visit much now? I stayed away for years because I had such bad memories of it. Started visiting again a few years ago and actually enjoy our holidays there. Time is a great healer etc etc

Hi , i would love to move to bigger house , bigger garden etc would i be better off in town (bristol) or in the country????? PLEASE HELP i have 5 children 19+17+13+11+5+ 2 foster children 2+3

Dp grew up in a village just two miles outside a 40,000 population market town. Village has maybe 2,000 residents. Dp adored his childhood. He's an only child, but never felt lonely. Tells many stories of playing with neighbours' kids and school friends out on the village school field, riding bikes up a farm track, camping out in farmers' fields, etc. Loved it.

When he was 13, his parents split up and moved separately to the nearby town. That also worked a treat at the time, as he could walk to the secondary school in 10 minutes, walk to/from the town, train station, etc, at that age when kids crave more independence.

We're now 28, ds is almost two, and we've just moved back to the original village, which has always felt like "home" to dp. He wants ds to have the same kind of childhood he had, and I'm sold on this, even though I'd previously lived only in towns/cities.

School, the village shop and village hall are all a two-minute walk away, we have ready-made neighbours - people dp knows from when he lived here first time around - and, best of all, we found a house that backs on to the same playing field dp played on. With a gate!

It could all change when ds's teens approach, but for now, dp is over the moon, and me and ds are settling in nicely too.

Conclusion, based only on our experience: village for 0-secondary school age, town for teens onwards ... and then back again!

Won't bore you with where I live and what it's like, but would add this on drugs - you won't avoid them anywhere. We moved from London to country and expected the school to be smug about drugs. The head looked me in the eye and said "Don't think you'll get away from drugs just because you're moving out of London. Your children are bound to get offered drugs at parties. All we can do is make them confident enough that if they want to say no, they can". I was dead impressed.
And worst bit of country living? - never have any cash as no cash till for miles...

P.S. grew up in the 'burbs and hated it

Grew up in Oxford, and enjoyed it - quiet enough, at least where we were, but also plenty going on and easy to get to London later on. Now in London, and thinking of moving back to Oxford or nearby next year...feels like such a huge decision, though...

I have 3 kids - DS1, 14. DS2, 12 & DD, 3.5.

We've recently moved out of the suburbs and into the city. When we put our old house on the market, we were planning to move out into the countryside a bit more, not out into the sticks, our radius was a max of 10 miles from the city. The more DH & I thought about it, the more we realised that moving to the country was the wrong thing for our family. It would have been hellish for the boys, and DH and I would have been eternal taxi drivers (as if we don't do enough of that already !). It would also mean that the boys were severely limited in the activities they could do in the evenings, as DH works away regularly and so I wouldn't be able to collect them any later that 6.30pm (DD is in bed by 7pm and I couldn't leave her in the house on her own, obv). It would increase DH's 'commute' to work, from our old house he has a glorious 7 min commute ! Moving into the city has increased that 20/25 mins in rush hour, the countryside would've have made it more like 40 mins, not good, I'm already tearing my hair out at 6pm !

Basically, our lives are in/around the city - DS's school & their friends, DH's workplace, DD's nursery (and her primary school, come Sept), my college and Uni. Moving out to the country would've made life more diificult for us. So we bought a lovely, big house in the city (6 mins walk from the centre), the boys have much more independence, we use the cars less, and we're a much more relaxed family as a result. Moving to the city for us waws a no-brainer when we sat down and had a realistic discussion about both options.

he had a 7min commute.