Now this is a completely different baby....

[MrsDoolittle]

Sorry this is another thread from me I must seem really hopeless now

Dd is two next month and looking must have been the easiest baby. Putting her to bed was never an issue and still isn't, she slept through very early on and I always seemed to know why she was crying.

Ds is now nearly 7 weeks old and I am really floundering. He is so different, nothing that I used to do with dd works. I am finiding demanding feeding almost impossible because he is always crying, sometimes it is obviously colic others he just seems to be crying for the sake of it. He does sleep though, nods off. And he does sleep at night as long as he's tucked up beside me. During the day he'll nap on me and maybe in his carrycot, but then again maybe not. I just can not predict.

My question is this. Would a forced routine help him? Dare I say GF? This does go against the grain for me but maybe it might be what this chap needs?
I hate to hear him crying, it's so distressing, but honestly, I can't put dd to bed, or do any of my daily chores if I am holding him all the time.

I'd love DD to go to bed later but she is truly horrible from around 6:30. It would seem that 7 is her natural bedtime since she doesn't wake up when I move her. DSs both went to bed at 9 or 10 which was much more convenient as it meant they effectively slept through from then. DD is an entirely different beast, bless her.

I have had exactly the same experience (DD1 great feeder / sleeper) and DD2 is a nightmare. DD1 naturally adopted the GF timings and I thought I would therefore do GF with DD2 but she's not having any of it despite my best efforts. Her crying was constant in the first few weeks and I took her for some cranial osteopathy. By then she was about 9 weeks old and started to calm down a bit so I don't know if was the CO or just her beginning to settle.

I also used a sling but she would sleep in it so quicky that it was having an impact on her ability to settle at night so I only used it to help calm her at nap times.

As for the crying in general I spoke at length to a friend who has twins and so her children both had to cry for attention because she couldn't tend to them both at once. They are now very happy and lovely little girls. This helped me accept the crying and come to terms with the fact that she wouldn't be mentally scarred for life by this. but it was bloody hard.

Could your DS have reflux? I think this was the main problem for my DD. It was never diagnosed (though infact I will be talking to the HV about it this week because although she's alot calmer she is showing symptoms of reflux) but when someone told me that it didn't necessarily mean that they bring up food all the time then everything else seemed to make a bit more sense.

If it's any consolation I've been there very recently and I know exactly how you're feeling. It DOES get better. DD2 is now 15 weeks and, alhtough she has her moments, has been a delight to be around since 12 weeks. She's just much less frightened by the world and I also know her much better now and can make a more infomed judgement about what she's thinking.

Sorry for long post. Hope it gets better soon.

The dummy worked for me though it is a bugger when they can't find it at night to put it in. I have to say that at about 8 weeks dd2 was handling her dummy (I found this surprising but it was too routine to be accidental) -smetimes she was unco-ordinated with it, but she knew it was there and it actually helped her develop co-ordination and manipulative skills very quickly. From 14 weeks, she'd progressed to pulling the dummy out of my mouth and smiling when she did so. At 10 mths now, I'm wondering when I should take it off her. DD1 got it taken off her at 11 mths. I'm glad I used it for dd1 because many of her friends (now 5 yrs) who didn't have it still suck their thumb - and it never occurs to dd1 to do this. I knew a girl at college (18 years) who still did it. A mate of mine who's dd was 2 was recommended to use one bu her dentist cause her daughter's teeth were starting to lean out through thumb-sucking. I think most babies are naturally sucky and it is comforting for them to suck on something. Can't you just see it as a temporary comforter?

Have you read \link{http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0091902517/202-2700581-0975063\The Baby Whisperer Solves all your Problems} book? That's very good at addressing lots of issues that could be the problem and giving a good routine to get into as well, without being quite as strict as GF. Baby Whisperer also gives tips on how to handle different types of babies and how to put them to sleep and keep them asleep etc. But I do love GF too. In my limited experience I would say a routine would definitely help - ds is quite 'sensitive' or 'difficult', as my HV put it, and does great on a routine, but terrible when the routine is off!

i'm so glad other people recommended a dummy, reading the first half of the thread i thought i'd be the only one to suggest it, MN always seems so opposed to them.

it was the only thing that would calm my dd if she was screaming and had already been fed though. she didn't really get attached to it til about 4 or 5 months so if you're really opposed you can take it away once the colic dies down a bit but it could help settle him for a few mins here or there while you get things done.

mrs D it will be a good idea to have two close together. you just have to get through the first few weeks/months to reach a better stage.

My dd was difficult too - she cried a lot and I didn't know whether she was hungry / tired / colicky. One night I fed her for 5 hours because she didn't stop crying and it seemed to be the only thing that worked! I put her on a routine at about 4 weeks and that solved 99% of the crying issues. We both know when her feed times are (she'll let me know if I'm running behind!), I know when she's tired and she never seems to be colicky. She hardly needs her dummy too. She's a lot happier now because (I think) she knows exactly what's going to happen next and that makes her feel safe.

I wouldn't go so far as to recommend a particular routine - each baby and mum is different, so whatever works for you. It did take a few days to get into a routine though, so don't despair if it doesn't solve everything immediately.

I think that some babies are just very difficult, and if you have an easy number one and a hard number two it is incredibly difficult. Not least because everyone else will tell you "how much easier it is second time around". Well not always!! My ds was a very straight forward baby, he fell into a natural rhythm from day one (did 4 hourly feeds from birth!), liked swaddling and was a natural thumb sucker, and cried himself to sleep within about 5 mins of being put down (you really could time it!). dd came along 16mths later and was a complete nightmare! Fed all the time, took ages to get to sleep and insisted on being carried all the time. I don't know how much of that was her character, and how much the effect of me trying to cope with two babies at once, but it was really an awful time. However it did pass, and now she is the easier child (her school reports are embarrassingly glowing!). Having two close is very very hard work for the first year or so, but once you are past the baby stage it is great. My two at 5 and 6 are the best of friends and much less work I think than my friends children with bigger gaps, because they are much better playmates and in to the same things. So hang on in there! Get as much help as you possibly can (do not be shy to ask, really) and it will get easier every week that goes by.

My ds wasn't too bad at this age but at about 3 months he started crying and didn't really stop until about 8 months old. It was awful. I did find a routine helped him but wouldn't recommend that until 6 months old or so. Most babies tend to outgrow this sort of thing at around 3 months so you may have to grit your teeth til then. A sling is a good idea. Ds loved his though it didn't always work I admit.

I did use a dummy and it helped a lot - Come to think of it I took it away around 3-4 months and he cried masses though he started sucking his thumb instead so I think he's have done that anyway.