How do I stop being so irritable and short with my children..and possibly even cruel?

[handlemecarefully]

Find myself resenting the children and being intensely irritable and short with them. Think on a sustained basis this could be quite cruel (i.e. they are entitled to a warm, considerate caring mum who makes time for them, not a screaming harridan - that surely affects their general well being)

Have a 23 month old and a 3.9 year old. Am a SAHM (relatively newly - quit work in December). DD attends Pre-School 10 hours per week but DS is always with me. Never a moment when I am child free.

Is this the answer. If I put ds into a Nursery place for a long morning once per week (4.5 hours), would that do the trick do you think and make me less bitter? I suspect it will?? - any experiences of feeling similarly about your lo's and what you did to change this around?

hmc - I can't embrace it fully, if someone is coming round I clean like a demon! Ds1's teacher called unexpectedly when he was off with pneumonia and I was soooo cross the hoover was strewn across the hallway and the playroom was a bombsite - how sad is that? It bugged me all day though

also CBeebies and Aquadraw.

Jucie on the stairs? Breadsticks on the carpet? Maybe I am more like Anthea than I thought . I am very strict food at the table no where else especially drinks. Saves a lot of clearing up, its always been the rule so i get no arguments. Its definatly more than 8 weeks since I hoovered the stairs.

Definatly recomend you go to the gym even if its just to laugh at the other patrons from the safety of the cafe or sauna.

Skribble, you sound like my mother

Oh thanks I went clothes shopping today for my holiday and felt really old, didn't help having MIL saying oh thats nice whil I am thinking never in a million years. Of to start a new thread on holiday clothes.

Very true 'thewoman' (sorry, short hand!). I really do take it personally that they are self absorbed and self centered rather than accepting that this is natural and normal at their age.

Expat - sadly I am embracing the alcohol bit rather too freely. Practically a bottle of wine per night as an 'outlet' for pent up frustration.

Right, tomorrow I'm going to:
(1) let the house get a bit messy - so bloody what!
(2) bake some cakes with the lo's
(3) imagine that I am being filmed on tv so that I don't feel tempted to shout at the lo's
(4) ring the gym and book a slot for Thursday p.m.
(5) Book a hair appointment for Saturday
(6) Mess about with lo's playing a couple of silly games and forget about chores / must do's / other 'obligations'

HMC I could have written your post. I am a miserable old bag and I'm sure my kids must hate me at times. The older 3 go to their dads on a Sunday but I still have ds2 with me. I get very little time on my own, the old school run if my mum is here.

When I was with xp I did have them in nursery though and it was lovely to have a bit of time to myself. (I didn't have ds2 then). If you can afford it, then go for it.

Great HMC you can pretend to be Delia and Supernanny at the same time, what a show.

A haircut is always a good boost I find .

you feel as if you're the only one who is like this don't you.
I work part time, but when you then spend all the rest of your time with the kids it is just as claustrophobic at times. I find myself feeling so angry. Part of that was down to my pill, so I changed it and I do feel a bit better. But then I get run ragged some days and it is horrific. DD2 is driving me spare atm, to the extent that I am worrying there is more to her behaviour.
Going to work is something I like because while I am there I am me. I am not mummy. So if you are a SAHM (which at times I am very envious of!!!) you have to make an even bigger effort to have time to be you. Not mummy.

It must be so much harder for you rickman with 4 children and on your own. Am feeling a bit fraudulent now!

Genuinely sorry that there is no easy solution for you

I do the TV thing too

I think some 'non-Mum' time is exactly what you need too, hmc. What you describe sounds exactly like me - I get extremely irritable with my kids (have had one of those days today and was torn between guilt and relief when they finally went to bed).

Ds2 now goes to pre-school 5 mornings a week (he starts school in September) and I don't know what I did before that as, like you, I had no time by myself at all. You need a bit of time to think your own thoughts and not have someone constantly pecking at your head

So, no, you're not alone - I'm a screaming harridan too (I also do a nice line in snarling ).

In addition, I'm a bit Monica-like with housework and - although I agree it would be nice to let it go a bit - I've found when I do, I feel worse - like it's all getting on top of me. So, don't be too hard on yourself if you find you can't relax too much about the state of the house

Yorkiegirl - I saw your thread about dd2 crying incessantly. It sounds like hell. Oddly enough my ds is very whingey currently (although not as draining as the description you gave of dd2)...friends have remarked upon it. So perhaps it is a developmental stage for some nearly 2 year olds? (although my dd never went through it, so have no previous experience of it)

HMC, my alcohol consumption is an excellent barometer of my stress levels. Good luck with your plan, remember Rome want built in a day!

D'you know what - look at all of us who feel the same - we all have children around 2-4 yrs old. It seems to me this is the hardest time. What you were saying YG about worrying about dd2's behaviour - I've been the same with ds2. I don't think there's anything wrong with him - I think he's 3 and he's pushing his boundaries hourly and pushing me to my limit

He also cries a lot and I find myself saying 'oh what now, what are you crying for now' in a very exasperated tone Norty mummy!

Sorenlorenson,

I am just living for January 2007 when ds starts Pre-School! Other milestone is sooner; September 2006 when dd starts school ( then I should get an hour or so free post lunch time when ds naps - currently have dd to deal with when ds has a sleep)

Ah, sometimes mumsnet is so great when we all empathise and support each other (sorry for the sentimentality)

Other times it drives you nuts though (lol)