Thanks Mousiemousie - I know I need to work on it
The list (it sounds horrednous now it's written down, I can't beleive I've let it go on so long)
I cannot guarantee that this list of events and occurrences is necessarily strictly chronological or completely accurate. I have depended on my memory, that of my husband and that of my parents. Memory is always coloured by subsequent events and cannot be relied upon. Please bear this in mind and remember its fallibility whilst reading.
· Initially I was having a bullying problem with a childminded child, with the parent’s permission I spoke to the school about it and in May the child stopped attending my setting.
Ø The school offered me support.
· Almost immediately DD was having a problem with another child at school.
Ø I brought it up at school and was told it had been dealt with.
· DD continued to complain that this child was still being unfair to her.
Ø I brought it up at school and they reassured me that it was not happening.
· DD complained that when she tried to avoid this child at playtime (as she had been advised by her dad and me), she was told that they must “play together like nice little girls”
Ø I suggested to the school that my daughter be allowed to play with whomever she chose.
· DD at some point last spring started bed wetting, this occurs during termtime, tails off towards half term and summer holidays.
Ø When mentioned to the school that it happened in termtime – it was dismissed as coincidence.
· Over the summer holidays at a family party in London, DD commented that a lot of the ladies seemed beautiful. I said that they were indeed lovely. DD asked if brown ladies were allowed to be beautiful. I said that they were and that I obviously thought brown people were beautiful as I had her and her Dad. “Yes” said DD “but is it allowed?” After a long and complicated conversation we established that brown people were lovely and beautiful and clever – like her, her cousins and other relatives.
Ø I told this story to school who were concerned and suggested she attend the friendship club.
· I spoke to Brown Owl, to warn her that we were having problems.
Ø She said that she had been wondering what the problem was, and had been going to approach me about DD’s behaviour.
· Due to having a shocking (in my opinion) report at the end of Year 2, I made arrangements for DD to be tested at a Dyslexia Clinic. The outcome was that she did not have Dyslexia, but was, in his opinion “Bright, Bored and Bullied”.
Ø I cannot remember if I discussed this with the school as I was losing confidence with the school at the time.
· DD came back from the summer holidays full of confidence. She learnt to sail and to ride a bike without stabilisers. She was taking an interest in her appearance and we started scrap booking, collecting pictures of beautiful brown people. In the run up to her birthday we spent a lot of time on her clothes and her hair styling, so that she went to Youth club she looked “spectacular” and this coincided with her longest dry at night spell which lasted from her birthday until the Friday before school ended for Christmas when it started again.
Ø During this time I asked the school nurse to see DD, and it was reported back that everything was fine.
· I also started to ask to “see” someone professionally as I was concerned, eventually it was suggested that a referral to the Family Support Team would help. However, there seemed to be some difficulties as the school and I could not agree as to what was causing the problem.
Ø This resulted in a meeting (in early January, I think, with the school nurse) where it was decided that this was a home based problem, I needed to go on a parenting course and that there was very little the school could do
· At this meeting I asked for DD to be referred to the special needs team, this had been suggested to me by a gentleman from the County Council, whom I had telephoned to discuss the bullying.
Ø Head Teacher was unsure why DD would need to be referred to the SN team, however agreed to refer her when asked to by School Nurse, as “Mrs DD’s mum is obviously concerned”. The next day Head Teacher explained that the team would eagerly await any outcome from the Family Support Team and would support any action necessary. This was due to DD displaying an acknowledged behaviour pattern.
· Over the Christmas Holiday we went abroad to a resort with a kids club, the club child carers were concerned enough about DD’s behaviour that they wished to discuss it with me. They were particularly concerned about her reactions within group events.
Ø I am not sure if I discussed this with the school.
· A child said, “I don’t like Indians” to me referring to DD. I told the child off and later explained my actions to both Head Teacher and the child’s mother.
Ø I was told it had been dealt with.
· Last week DD wept for about 20 minutes before school, while she was getting ready, cleaning her teeth and eating her breakfast. She had no idea what was wrong.
Ø I went into school and spoke to Head Teacher, who suggested that I needed to be harder on her.
· On Thursday evening DD demanded to move to another school immediately - she said that even if she never saw BF again, moving schools would be best. By Friday evening she had forgotten this discussion.
· There is a considerable dichotomy between the way DD behaves whilst at home and at school. At home she is bright, articulate, confident and intelligent, with real moments of despair. At school she is withdrawn, without confidence, shy and under achieving though apparently content. Out of school she achieves at all she attempts she is a competent piano player, a novice sailor, a bike rider, an enthusiastic writer and voracious reader. At school her work is unenthusiastic and she is occasionally rebellious.