Is there still a chance for my baby to grow up bi-lingually?

[Rochwen]

I need some advice. I grew up in Germany and all my family still live in Germany but I have lived in the UK for a very long time now. My German is a bit rusty. I still want my baby (8 months now) to grow up speaking both languages, not just because I thinks it's very beneficial but also because her grandparents don't speak any English.

I have tried just speaking German to her but it just didn't work. It felt strangely un-natural, I couldn't think of some words or expressions and I kept mixing English in. So, after two weeks I gave up and have been speaking only English to her since.

Now, I have no idea how she will ever learn German as a native language if I don't consistently speak it to her. There are no German speaking nurseries in our town either (I live in the North of Scotland).

Is there anyway you can think of how my daughter can still grow up speaking both languages?

It would be a real shame for her if she didn't learn both languages. You say your German is rusty, so how about trying to recover it by lots of reading (amazon.de) and listening (satellite tv, for you and your daughter). You could buy German nursery rhyme books and sing to her, baby books that you could read to her, get CDs, tapes... Basically make it natural for you to speak German, as it used to be, so you are comfortable speaking to her in that language.
Don't give up !!

Rochwen, defenitely don't give up! Am with fredly on that.

go to www.google.de and search for kinderbuecher lots of sites

Agree with fredly. You need to get yourself back in touch with German.
Have (sort of) the opposite case. Am English, but live in Germany, with a German dh who I speak only German to. My English isn't rusty because I work with it and am in very regular contact with English friends, but German is the basic language both of our household and of the environment, and due to it being the language of our relationship, plus a reaction against English due to issues with ym family, has taken over quite a large part of my emotional territory as well iyswim. When ds came along I started off speaking German to him in hospital, because I felt self-conscious with the other lady in my room, and it stayed that way for the first couple of months (what didn't help is that I have a real aversion to being used as an '(English (learning) machine' in my private life, including dh). In the end I had to force myself to always speak English to ds (I still speak German with dh), and since then I've been rediscovering so much about my language and it's begun to feel very natural. I second all of fredly's tips. You need to feel comfortable with the language yourself in order to pass it on positively to your dd. Viel Glück! :)

Guten Tag! Have same problem, really, because I speak English with my 2 year-old, although my mother tongue is French. Have a second baby and am speaking French with him now. I find it difficult to speak French with my older child because she doesn't understand. I felt more comfortable speaking English at the time my first baby was born, but now I regret it as I realise children should learn their Mother's language first. Am trying to rectify this, but is difficult (on my part). Keep trying, it should get easier and don't be too hard on yourself for not speaking German with your little girl from the start. English is beautiful and a very good basis to learn other languages. Also, German and English are from the same family of languages.

do keep trying - but please realise that while they may understand you in your mother tongue, if they have no 'active' practice at speaking it they're unlikely to do so.

I know of two good examples of this first hand.

My SIL and her DH are both Zimbabwean born and bred but living in the UK, their DD was born here in the UK. They speak Shona at home, and have gone back to visit family several times already - but the DD only speaks in English - despite the fact that she follows instructions in both langauges.

The same thing with the couple who run our local corner shop (also Zimbabweans). Their DS (in his teens)was born in Zimbabwe and has been living here for 13yrs. They speak Shona all the time (even in the shop when there's no customers around). Their DS has never spoken a word of Shona.

Interestingly enough - a language learnt by a child before the age of 5 is never forgotten - vocabulary may be lost but is easily recovered - so don't give up - but a word of advice - the easiest thing to do is to pick a language and stick with it -no matter what - so if you wish to do the German , get comfortable with it again and then give it another go - teaching yor child another language is all about commitment - yours!

Rochwen, please don't give up speaking German to your daughter. I am also German and I try to speak only German to my two children (3 and 2 years old) while my husband speaks to them in English. I know it is not always easy, especially as I speak mainly English to my husband at home. But I feel it is such an opportunity for them to learn a second language with so much (relative) ease! Have a look at Amazon.de where you can buy German books, dvds and cds. Viel Erfolg!

Rochwen, just start speaking German to her from now, even if it seems not to be producing immediate results. I met a German man in a similar situation, and he told me that he talked German to his dd, even though he felt stupid, wheeling a pram along talking away to himself! But, it was worthwhile when he realised later that his dd understood the language.

We're moving back to the UK after 2 years in France and I definitely want dd to keep up with her bi-lingualness. We're going to stock up on children's books in French, French DVDs and cassettes, etc. You can also buy LeapPad books in different languages.

It won't work unless she has someone in the home to speak German with her in all contexts.

Otherwise her grasp will be imperfect at best.

How odd that you want her to speak your mother tongue yet don't speak it to her.

Not odd at all really. I know an Irish mother over here who speaks French to her baby (she married a Frenchman) as that is the language she uses every day. There are lots of English women who have married Frenchmen whose children don't speak English.

I know Rhubarb. I have met many of them on frequent visits to France.
It's weird though.

Don't get too hung up on the "must speak German to her all the time" thing. I speak German to my dd's most of the time, but not when dh is around as he doesn't speak German, and also at other times I slip into English.
Dd1 speaks German very well, she is nearly five. Dd2 understands everything and will speak a bit. I hope that she will start to speak more as she gets older, like dd1 did.
I would really really recommend using lots of German books and children's programmes - made all the difference with mine!

Prognosis is poor (in terms of fluency) unless a parent adheres to the 'one person one language' rule.
A child may become proficient in the target language in the case of someone like Emkana. This however is not the same as being a native speaker,so we musn't fool ourselves that it is.

In later years,not having had a mother tongue passed on by a parent is inevitably a cause of great sadness and bitterness.

At the end of the day though Rochwen might find the thought of only ever speaking German to her dd too daunting, so aiming for proficiency as opposed to raising a native speaker might be the solution.

If my children grow up to be proficient in German and native speakers in English then that is good enough IMO.

I didn't start to learn English until I was 12, I still feel totally at home in the English language now after having lived here for a few years, so it should be 100 times easier for my children who grow up with some German (quite a lot actually) from birth.

Why is it a cause of sadness and bitterness? The children I mentioned are not particularly sad or bitter because they can't speak English. I think you need to speak to ggg about this, she's married to a Frenchman and they speak French at home, she has 4 children of her own and now one with her new husband. Her two eldest children speak English very well, her youngest two not so well, but their English is probably better than my French. The little one is still just a baby.

I think if you get them German materials, you have planted the seed that will make the language easier to grasp as they get older. They may never speak it as well as you, but generally with bi-lingual children one language dominates over the other anyway.

Hi Rochwen,
I'd been living in Germany for a long, long time when my daughter was born and I found it odd speaking to her in English for some reason. I stuck with it and now it is completely natural.

How about taking the baby to Germany to visit your relis? You'd speak German to them, wouldn't you? Perhaps you'd naturally begin speaking to the baby in German too. Get your family to teach you some German rhymes, and lullabies.

If German is your mother-tongue, it must still be accessible to you. Good luck!

Hi Rochwen,
I'd been living in Germany for a long, long time when my daughter was born and I found it odd speaking to her in English for some reason. I stuck with it and now it is completely natural.

How about taking the baby to Germany to visit your relis? You'd speak German to them, wouldn't you? Perhaps you'd naturally begin speaking to the baby in German too. Get your family to teach you some German rhymes, and lullabies.

If German is your mother-tongue, it must still be accessible to you. Good luck!

Hi Rochwen,
I'd been living in Germany for a long, long time when my daughter was born and I found it odd speaking to her in English for some reason. I stuck with it and now it is completely natural.

How about taking the baby to Germany to visit your relis? You'd speak German to them, wouldn't you? Perhaps you'd naturally begin speaking to the baby in German too. Get your family to teach you some German rhymes, and lullabies.

If German is your mother-tongue, it must still be accessible to you. Good luck!

I was brought up bilingually, in the sense that only French was spoken at home until I was 4, papa being French, maman being Scottish & a languages enthusiast, we lived in S of England.

Then Papa went home to France and we kept up the French a little, for some things eg bathtime (who knows why) at home. Paps has always spoken French to me, despite his perfect English, and despite the fact that I never spoke it back to him until I was about 16. At which point, I finally had the confidence to speak French in public, and I am perfectly bilingual now. I always understood v well & had a good accent etc, I just didn't want to speak until I was 100% certain that everything would come out just right.

Strangely, my brother's French is not as good as mine alhto he consistently spoke it and never "went on strike" with it.

Hi Rochwen,

I live in the North of Scotland too but both my husband and I speak English only, however, my ds (now 6) has been in Gaelic mainstream education for almost two years. We don't speak any Gaelic at home but he is immersed in it at school and consequently he is bi-lingual and flits between the two without giving it a second thought. Keep going with the German - you'll be surprised what goes in even if very little seems to come out. Have you tried reading stories in German or getting your relis to send over some german stories on tape that you can play. In the Gaelic nurseries they always have some Gaelic radio station or tape playing in the background so that subconsciously the children are hearing it without even being aware. Even after the summer holidays (6 weeks without a Gaelic word spoken!) my son just picks up where he left off - at such a young age they really are just like sponges, the hang-ups come from the adults who are too self-conscious! Good luck!

Rochwen

I hope this could be the solution to your problem. I've got 5 older children (9-16) and they are all reasonably bilingual in either french or german or both. We've done this by arranging exchanges with french/german families, for around 6 months, when they were 9/10. The children wanted it, its not the sort of thing to impose on them, at this age they absorb the accent naturally. Teachers tell us their french/german speaking skills are A level plus. They go back each year for 3 weeks to 'top up'. We've had the french/german children back, a real pleasure to see them flourishing in england.
And lifelong friendships with the exchange families.
I arranged my exchanges through a very small organisation called ALLEF which is non-profit making and run by parents, but there are commercial alternatives which cost more.

Anyone else who is interested get in touch and speak to the kids.

I don't think you need to speak German with your baby all the time to make them bilingual. I am Spanish mothertongue, but will be speaking to my baby in English as it's the language I speak with my husband and also my English is much better than my Spanish! We never spoke English at home but I started to learn it as a second language (at kindergarden) from the age of 2, and did all my schooling in both English and Spanish. My husband is also bilingual, and he started learning French at the age of 7 when his parents moved to Geneva. They always spoke English at home.

The problem with forcing youself to speak in a language you are not comfortable in, I think, is that you will get really muddled youself. I had some friends whose parents tried to make them bilingual and many of them had trouble with both languages (mostly they spoke bad 'Spanglish', and were often at a loss for words).

I plan to start teaching my baby Spanish in a relatively formal way (now we are going to learn spanish: this is how you say x in spanish) from about the age of two.

It's early to think about this (baby not born yet!) but it's an ongoing debate with my sister...she speaks to her children in Spanish, her husband speaks to them in French and they live in the US - first son did not start speaking at all until he was over two! (but in fairness does now understand all three languages).

Sine,that is really interesting.
Out of interst,why did you choose Gaelic medium education for your children?

I am a Welsh speaker,with children in Welsh medium education (although we are abroad a lot)
Would love to know more.

My son learnt German from the age of 18 months and spoke it well by the time we left the country two years later. He learnt it from the German childminder who looked after him in the morning.

He's bilingual in Spanish and English because those are our nationalities, but he now appears to have lost the capacity to speak German.
We get Kika (Kinder Kanal) on satellite TV, and he enjoys it so at least he isn't losing touch completely.
Speaking your own language to your child is essential, I'd say. It's also a source of immense pleasure, private jokes, pet names etc.And don't worry about not speaking German perfectly,either. The normal language in our house is a bizarre mix of Spanish and English that few outsiders would understand. If you speak some German your child will pick up vital grammar and vocabulary.

Also take advantage of trips to Germany and family there.