I love my children but I am becoming a rubbish mum?

[pamelat]

my children are 4 and just turned 2

I work part time. I enjoy my 3 days at work

On my days with the children, I've always found it quite hard, increasingly so now that the youngest is tantrumming/being 2

My children are high maintenance, beautiful, bright and healthy children and I love them. I am just not enjoying being with them :-(

I have started taking st johns Wort as getting quite down about it. Losing my temper more in the last 6 months, shouting at my poor babies for being naughty, which is horrid and not even constructive as the behaviour continues anyway

Meal times are the worse. My youngest is a poor eater so really trying to get good foods down him. Dd (4)?has started messing about at the table, and I think it's because she's jealous of my attention on his eating. This lunch time got out of control as he copies her but takes it a step further (being 2) and starts to CLIMB on the table!! They both lAugh and try to take control and I just shout and say things I regret and want to sob

I don't know why I cank keep patient with them. I just find being around them hugely stressful, like I can't control their behaviour?

I'm a lot better with just one of them at a tune but that's not life :-(

I have wondered about upping my working days before but felt too guilty

Anyone any experience of st johns wort at helping with anger/stress?

One thing I do worry about but never voice is that my dads mum left her children. I never met her but she's my paternal grandma. What if I'm like her ? :-(

I think you are letting the thing with your Dad's Mum get to you :( You are not her.

Your DH doesn't sound very (emotionally) supportive. What is he normally like? Is he doing his share of cooking/housework/childcare?

How long have you been back at work?

How much money can you throw at it? If you had the money I'd suggest putting them in afternoon nursery one day each of your days off and getting a cleaner. It's only for a few months until the eldest starts school and it might just get you through until then. Once the eldest is at school make the most of the holiday clubs etc.

It should be a lot easier once they hit 3 & 5.

In general kids need boundaries and they need them firmly kept. They feel more secure. So don't let your mood/guilt/worry stop you from being firm about what is going on.

Don't be afraid to use the 'You are 4 you know better. Your sister is still very little and is learning from you. If you do x again then y will happen'

I'll lend you my 'tone of voice' and 'raised eyebrow' if you like :)

pamelat I think you need to try (and I know this is a big ask) and toughen up a little bit. If the DCs sense how bad you feel, they will pick up on that and play up more.

Frankly so what if they don't like being strapped in, made to sit down, told no?You are their mother, and the adult and you are in charge. I think you are allowing your guilt at going to work to prevent you from setting firm boundaries.

FWIW, I do think that in some ways it is easier being at home with them all the time. No I don't get a break - my eldest does preschool and is off to school in September, but the 14 month old is home with me all the time and it is relentless.
BUT - this is what I do, we have our routine. I am 100% sure that me being at home with them is the right thing for them and for us as a family, and I don't have to switch between work me, and home me. I know that DH sometimes struggles to make the switch between one and the other.

I don't say any of that to make you feel bad, and so I hope it doesn't. More that you should acknowledge that you have chosen a hard road and forgive yourself a little.

Thank you

I understand what you mean only because of this, I found it easier being on maternity leave and remember enjoying my time with them and being sad re going back.

When I went back, I loved workband found my days with them hard. I can't even now imagine how I coped or filled the time

You forget what a break work can be and for me, tasting that break, perhaps makes me resentful. And some of the times I think my expectations are too high because it's MY day off with the children, if that makes sense?

Dh is very supportive practically. he's a coping /practical person, whereas I seem to have become an emotional wreck!!

I talk from a good place today, having had a day at work AND an hour to myself (i toolk an hour off, cleaned and sorted things)

I need to cope better emotionally I know

Practically I have arranged 3 hours of child care on one of my mornings off as it will use up done funding we have and at least prevent squabbles. I'll then get the morning with just Ds. I think I miss one to one time with him. I haven't has any since returning to work. O get dd one to one as he naps

I'm going to take up yoga again as i remember that being calming, and ok to do if tired (ds poor sleeper)

Thank you all and for being nice!!!

pamelat your life sounds rather similar to mine. 'Spirited' 4.6 year old old and a clingy veg refusing 21 month old. DD2 is also a fussy eater but somehow above the 91st centile, and she insists on me carrying her all the time.

They both wind each other up at meal times. DD1 starts acting down to toddler level. They mess around for laughs. The mess makes me want to weep. I give in far too much to DD2 who is a tyrant. She makes such a noise if she doesn't get her way then DD1 starts squealing that she can't bear the noise. I wonder whether working mummy guilt makes us so eager to please our children and get it 'right' all the time we are with them.

That's for starting this post.

What I meant to say was thanks for starting this post.

pamelat I know exactly how you feel. I adore my DC but I find them such hard work. I am a quiet person by nature and find having to answer questions/entertain/be on call 24 extremely tiring. I know this is what I signed up for and I wouldn't change it but just to let you know you are not alone.

For what it's worth my two ate both at school now (6 & 7. - I had an 11 month gap between them) and it is much much easier. I can conserved energy a bit better now

Hi all, my son is suspected autism and has his referral. He's very clever and has been reading books since he was 2.5 he's 3 and can do math. The worry i have is he never communicates when he needs anything like food, drink and now we are potty training, when he needs the potty. I had a meeting with my sons key worker to discuss his referral and what we can do to help him transition, which is another struggle he has but he meeting was just about how he can't put on his coat, shoe and where we are with potty training. I explained he doesn't communicate so the only way, is to put him on the potty every hour and he could sit on the potty for at least 30 mins and still nothing. It became too much so I gave it a couple of months to try again, hoping he would start communicating. We are trying again and have been for 4 weeks it's been a struggle because again he isn't communicating or even feeling uncomfortable when he goes in his underwear.The keyworker told me he is asking for the potty, indepenantly, which is unbelievable and I feel they are lying about it because he doesn't do that at home. Can I ask to see the cameras as proof of this and how would you go around this problem.